Are there any other polyamorous people out there that worry they won’t ever get the chance to practice the relationship style they desire because everyone around them is stuck on the traditional ideas of monogamy and one-on-one relationships?
@lytning91, thank you for the encouragement, and to be honest I don’t really have a problem with monogamy; I just realized I came across as negative. I find both practices to be viable options and have been in traditional relationships I enjoy, but It is difficult for me because I have to play by rules I don’t agree with. I hope I find at least one person who has the same views as me, I just have no idea where I’ll find them.
@immagoner, I worry about this a bit. You may be interested in a topic I started a little while back… https://www.highexistence.com/topic/open-relationships-could-they-save-us/
@kaelynnmartindale, Thank you so much! I was never aware that you could find stuff like that on that website.
A few weeks ago I found a @immagoner, whole group of that style of love. Most eye opening weekend of my life, not beccause of their sexuality. It was in Austin, I think there are alot more people like you but its not “acceptable” to let others know. Be you. Don’t worry about it
@immagoner, I’ve wondered about it myself quite a bit and might try it one day. I’m in a serious monogamous relationship now so I can’t try, although he is interested in threesomes. I’m just scared sexually (I’ve been raped before), so it’s hard to be comfortable. But I believe polyamory and open relationships are growing slowly in acceptance and tolerance publicly.
I think if I trusted the person completely and were comfortable with them, had certain boundaries and ground rules we followed, then it could possibly work for me.
Has any of you ever wondered what is the use of monogamy? What are the benefices? Why do we even bother to construct a walled garden to keep “the loved one” inside and in return we lock the door and throw the key? Establishing many fixed positions/rules of the trade leads to conflict. “The more laws and order are made prominent, The more thieves and robbers there will be”. What is the point of monogamy besides keeping the ego endlessly content with the adulation of an individual and the rights of exclusivity? What about the price paid for that? Polyamory is a way to experience freedom in human relationships, a taste of it. The trouble is we are educated for prejudgment and fixed pillars of knowledge – the only way the ego can define itself. It is fairly possible to find like minded people and engage in the openness polyamory – search for the ego-less. (inside)
@immagoner, I’ve been wondering the same thing lately. If you’ve ever found yourself in love, or at least very interested, in more than one person, this mindset can be very frustrating. I’m in love with one man, and falling in love with another; of course they’re both monogomous.
I can only form opinions based on the concept of polyamory since I’ve never practiced it, but it’s just so freaking ideal. It’s egotistical and selfish to assume that you alone can meet another person’s every need. People are complicated and complex, so it’s hard to find a perfect match. The men in my life are nearly opposite in the ways they have fun and what they desire in their professional lives, but they satisfy different parts of me. If a person truly loves another, but one party isn’t satisfied, that need should be able to be fulfilled. Loving someone means letting them be who they are and getting what they need if it’s healthy.
It would be a perfect world if I could have a relationship with both of them, but monogomy is just so ingrained in society. I understand why it’s hard to uproot. Jealosy is culturally encouraged, which is really unhealthy, so naturally polyamory is looked down upon.
I apologize for kind of going on a tangent, but it’s only because I feel exactly as you do sometimes. I also don’t think that monogy is an entirely bad construction if both people are satisfied with each other. I’ve been in relationships when I didn’t feel I was lacking anything, but sometimes a person can make you happy, but not be perfect for you. That doesn’t mean you should have to not have them at all.
In a society where jealousy is fueled and it’s looked down upon to have multiple partners, even when everything is open and honest, it creates an idea that individuals are irreplaceable, when the fact is, most people are. Most people are unique, sure, but a lot of people can provide the same things. I just enjoy being intimately friendly in a way that wouldn’t be acceptable in a monogous relationship. I’ll admit it, I’m a cuddle slut, and I love holding hands. That kind of physical contact makes me feel close to a person. Polyamory is often construed as a lifestyle to just fuck around, but to me, it’s really about having multiple intimate friendships.
I’m done. Thank you for reading everything if you got to this point lol
@longlivehedwig, Jealousy and being looked down upon is the reason why I kind of refuse to talk about my interest in being polyamorous. Many of my friends around where I live practice traditional relationships. I’ve been traveling more recently and I have a good friend up in Boston who is poly and has opened my eyes up to the idea and lifestyle of it. I’m a cuddle slut and I love cuddle puddles. The idea of being able to express that friendly affection would be awesome. You also made a great point about it being selfish to assume that you could fulfill someones every need. It also feels demanding to expect for your needs to be met by just one singular person.
@stereofidelic, I’m trying to make sense of that. Some people wanting to “practice polyamory” say they don’t feel jealousy, yet at the same time want others to be polyamorous. I’m definitely not against that, I just don’t understand it fully. People prefer traditional relationships for the same reason – because they cannot satisfy everyone’s needs (particularly not being alone, having sex can be done without being in a relationship) at the same time. Jealousy or being looked down upon isn’t people’s problem, I think, some people are just not pretentious sex maniacs and that’s naturally repulsive to others. Real life example: a “traditional” normal couple are having sex. While they’re doing it the girl says “I want one more cock inside me.” The guy breaks up with the girl only because she’s crying for cocks. No jealousy whatsoever, no problems, he lets her seek her adventures, they just have different kind of views.
Thanks for the input everybody; I knew this website was a great place for this conversation. I feel if more people thought outside of the box like we do polyamory would at least be acceptable if not popular. I’ve been a lot more honest with the people around me about it and plan to bring it up the next time I find myself romantically interested in someone. If they reject me for it, then they aren’t right for me.
@beyond, when people are repulsed by the idea of polyamory, it’s usually because they think the point is to sleep around and that people who practice it are sex addicts. As I and @stereofidelic have stated, it’s actually about having affectionate and intimate frienships with multiple people that wouldn’t be accetpable in a monogomous relationship. Monogomy restricts not only what a person can physically do with another, but many times, the conversatons that person can have as well. Jealousy really is the problem because it spawns from being possessive of another person, but I don’t blame people for being jealous because it’s culturally encouraged. Many people enjoy seeing a person express jealousy for them.
That’s the way I see it, but if you’re still confused, please don’t hesitate to ask any questions!
@longlivehedwig, I get it and I really like the idea actually. Well, not for myself, I’m a sucker for traditional relationships but I guess we could say people are just different. Not all polyamorous persons would be the same, right? And usually problems come not from not being as honest, but from not fully engaged in a person’s own beliefs… There are a lot of issues with people believing in monogamy that still want everyone for themselves. Unfortunately.
Polyamory sounds awesome if you are mature enough to handle it, but I question whether or not you actually grow as a person by having different people meet different needs in an intimate way.
Because if you are in love with many people, it’d be easy to play off problems with one of them because you could just go hang out with the other one more. This is the biggest problem I see with polyamory..but being in love with many people at once I totally understand. I just don’t think it’s a great model for relationships because you don’t have much to lose if you keep your options open.
@feren6, I’d worry about becoming stagnant as a person too. The point of being in any relationship to me is to help each other grow and to enhance each other’s lives, but I could see it becoming easy to get comfortable with your flaws if you’ve got one person saying, “you need to fix this,” when another is saying you’re just fine.
Changing something about yourself is always up to you, but allowing people to condone your flaws makes it a lot easier not to take care of them. And it would also be easy to blow over problems in one relationship because there are others to fall back on.
Personally, I think my biggest problem with a polyamorous relationship would just be scheduling and actually making time for everyone. That sounds so simple, but it’s a fundamental part of making a polyamorous relationship work; I don’t even have time for one person right now lol
You’re definitely right about maturity being a key factor in the success of a relationship. You can’t afford to play games with so many people involved. You shouldn’t play games ever, but you’d get caught with multiple people holding you accountable.
Many people may cast judgments on people for doing such a thing, but it should be tolerated enough in certain areas that they won’t be punished (or barred from) doing it.
@immagoner, honestly man i’m having the exact opposite problem! haha. I can’t find anyone who is willing to have a personal, intimate relationship. It seems every woman I’m into wants to fool around on the side, and doesn’t exactly care about affection….but I’m just not a promiscuous person. good luck with what you are looking for.