I just got engaged.
And we’re planning to have 2 kids in the upcoming years.
The fears that come up for me around raising kids is mainly financially. My dad worked his ass off his whole life so that he could pay for my sister and my education, vacations, sports, etc.
So, given the model he showed me I tend to have a deep instinct to be a great provider for my family like my dad. However, as I’ve gotten more and more in touch with my spirituality I’ve come to realize how silly the work-hard-play-hard lifestyles are. If we already ARE everything we need than why would we waist every day working on stuff we don’t like that much just so we can pay for stuff for our kids that they don’t necessarily need.
While, at the same time I do want my kids to have EVERYTHING they truly desire available to them, and I don’t want financial difficulty to get in the way of anything we do.
So, here’s the current delema. Do I 1) work my ass off to provide for my family? or 2) follow my inner guidance at all times wherever that may lead me, and trust and have faith in the process?
I did some financial planning the other day and figured that if we want to pay for the lifestyle that we desire, my fiancé and I will want to make around $150K per year in our business.
We’re at about half that right now, and I’m having fears that say, “well if we’re financially tight right now, how on earth are we going to raise a kid too?”
Then, the fear about “the biggest cause of divorce is due to financial conflicts” comes in and tells me that if we don’t get financially secure soon, our future marriage will be at risk.
Gosh, isn’t the mind a funny trickster…
Anyone has similar worries? Any suggestions?
Thank you for reading this. It’s very helpful to write this out and simply know that someone else is hearing me.
I think it’s more valuable to actually be present for your kids growing up than to be able to fund everything without concern, and I’m sure most kids would say the same.
Money is not that big of a deal as long as you can survive comfortably. I don’t have parents who gave me money for college tuition, I never expected them to, and I don’t know many who do have parents like that.
In fact I think people having to earn their own way (or at least part of it) is, in some cases, a better lesson. It does depend a lot on the kid and their personality too of course.
There’s lots of options here though, you could start a college fund for them now and add to it every year until they are 18, you could hope they’re super intelligent and can get scholarships, you can move to a European country where university is free, you can decide that you will pay for the first year of their school and let them do the rest, etc.
This is a problem completely created by modern society and its nonsensical structures. In tribal, feudal and other “outdated” society models, whether you’re a king or a peasant you bring your kid with you to your workplace. Or your sister or neighbour or master does so.
Still, there are ways to be a provider and a present parent in today’s world. For example if you can work from home.
I know from experience that being one of the kids who always gets denied things because there’s no money sucks. On the other hand, both of my parents worked a lot and as a result I was treated very badly, so I know the bad results of that too.
That being said, I had friends whose parents barely worked and focused on “being there”, and those kids grew up to be really weird and hopeless.
Kids don’t have to be that expensive. In a lot of countries it’s not a big expense. And when it comes to the economy and divorce correlation, well again that’s situational and regional. And if you marry a gold digger you pretty much have it coming. Otherwise not.
Unless your spouse is total trash, these kinds of family problems are unlikely. The economical issues, the kids, the marriage, it should all be fine unless it’s handled in a really dumb way.
Work hard, but don’t work too hard. Know your energy, your comfort and your limits. Stressed or burnt-out parents are awful to be around, and so are lazy ones.