Rediscovering my sexuality

Smoky (@smokyego) 8 years, 3 months ago

I feel I have a lot of mental inhibitions. These things hold me back from getting what i truly desire. One problem i struggle with is my sexuality. I feel like mentally i hold myself back from fully opening up to people, and showing them my sexual side. One fix has been drinking – I’m much more flirtatious when I drink and usually sweet talk my girls. But when I’m sober (even when im high) I end up hiding my sexuality from these girls – and its led to some pretty awkward friendzones.

I think its sort of been conditioned out of me. To the point where i can only express my sexuality when drunk. Anyone else experienced this?

August 9, 2013 at 4:06 pm
Love (9) (@sunshinedust) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@smokyego, I haven’t experienced the exact same thing, but I have experienced different mental inhibitions. I think that our “conditioning” has caused us to hide certain things from others, and ourselves. Since I want to change that, I’ve been reading more about consciousness and awareness. There’s an article on here about taking a vow of silence that might interest you.

[Hidden]
idontunderstand (9) (@Idontunderstand) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@smokyego I totally understand. I only seem to be comfortable in my sexuality and generally myself when I’ve been drinking! I feel a lot of guys warm to me more when they see me drunk (not in a pervy way, they just more drawn to my positive feminine energy), and end up a little confused and disappointed with my sober self!

I do think social conditioning has a lot to do with it. And also possibly censoring ourselves- I know I am only my ridiculous self when I’m on my own. Around others I’m constantly holding back because of my own irrational thoughts about myself.


@sunshinedust
I’ve been reading more about living consciously, very interesting! How are you getting on with it? I find myself battling in my head with my thoughts. Dealing with the ‘i cant be bothered/too tired to be aware of myself at this moment’ feeling is my biggest challenge.

[Hidden]
The Loop (27) (@Loop) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

You might just be lacking confidence. Be confident in yourself and who you are. Once you achieve this and maintain it, you won’t feel the need to repress who you truly are. Part of what confidence entails is having peace of mind, being open to but not dependent on outside forces, and self-expression.

I also struggle with this in a more social aspect, but I’ve been making gradual progress over the years. Also, pot tends to cause people to be too much inside their heads, resulting in paranoia and overthinking. Sometimes it’s a very antisocial substance depending on strain, setting, and state of mind. Be selective about when and how much you smoke.

Wish you the best of luck!

[Hidden]
Love (9) (@sunshinedust) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@Idontunderstand, well I am having a lot of difficulty with my thoughts also. Mostly the negativity is what’s stopping me. I’ve looked in to Buddhism though. The four noble truths and the eightfold path are very interesting and intriguing. I’m working on being positive but I’m still letting my “attachments” causing me suffering. It’s hard letting go of things that you really care about.

[Hidden]
phanci3 (46) (@phanci3) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@smokyego, I’m a girl and I find it SO HARD to act the way I want around the boys I like, even the ones I know like me! I just want to go up and touch them or hold their hand or sit with them and rub their back, but this paralyzing fear inhibits me from action. And I don’t even know what I’m so afraid of, especially in the situations where I know they like me. I’m convinced, although I could be wrong, that this is what destroyed my last romance. I was so focused on myself, on coming off as intelligent and witty and driven and able to hold long conversations. I think men have plenty of friends that fulfill those needs..I think if I had just been myself, maybe not the wittiest person in the world, but very sweet and affectionate (when I chemically murder those fears, like you said) it might have turned out different. I shouldn’t have been trying so hard to get him interested in me, but rather shown interest and love and affection towards him. I intellectualize every opportunity I have with men so much that it just kills everything. I hold myself up to these high expectations and fantasies of what men what, and I dont even know where they came from. I friend-zone myself as well. I could be totally wrong here, but it really seemed to make a lot of sense when I thought of what the problem could be from this perspective.

Excellent point about weed, @Loop, me and this last guy always smoked when we hung out and I think it made it hard to connect for both of us. I’m so sad about that last guy but hopefully I can do better next time.

My self-confidence has radically improved since the end of that last romance, so maybe things will be better next time I get a shot at making a healthy relationship. I have a feeling the fear will still be there though. I just have to power through it.

[Hidden]
t-rav (25) (@travis) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Yup, think we just aren’t used to that sort of interaction without liquid courage. The last 3 months I’ve been trying to meet girls sober and it’s just been a nervousness thing for me. The first girl I met sober and had a short relationship with felt really weird but just because it was so foreign. Like anything it just takes practice, this is just a little harder because failing with a girl feels fucking shitty.

[Hidden]
oldschool (49) (@oldschool) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@smokyego, Yea I’ve had similar issues. The main thing is to start developing it, what helped me a lot was expressing it with the boys. Talk with your friends about girls they want to bang, tell them about girls you want to bang, what you want to try. Once you become comfortable shooting the shit with the guys it becomes easier expressing it around girls.

[Hidden]
Living Stone (153) (@cloudstuck) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Yeah, I reckon really the only true way to discover yourself which is LASTING, is sober experiments. Experience life sober really does teach you a lot. It is a slower teaching, but I reckon it’s more lasting.

[Hidden]
Living Stone (153) (@cloudstuck) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@phanci3, also, to be honest, it is bloody great to hear that a chick has these problems too. Hopefully that doesn’t sound sexist, but yeah, sometimes as a guy you don’t think at all that chicks have these problems, but it is refreshing to hear that they do, haha. Funny how your troubles have given me a bit of hope, haha, sorry.

But go you! You’re awesome!

[Hidden]
phanci3 (46) (@phanci3) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@cloudstuck, haha no it doesnt sound sexist it all it is so difficult to try and understand the opposite sex and how they think, partly because even though all of us woman share a gender, we are all so radically different.. its so interesting how much emphasis websites and publications have put on helping men figure out “women” and women figure out “men,” as two completely different opposing forces, when in reality we share many of the same sex and intimacy issues .

no problem at all, im glad i could be of help in any way!

thanks youre awesome too!

[Hidden]
Obviously, you’re not a golfer (605) (@donjaime23) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Say you got really fat, and your gut prevented you from seeing your genitalia, then you lost a lot of weight and were able to see it again. Would that count as rediscovering your sexuality?

[Hidden]
phanci3 (46) (@phanci3) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@donjaime23, not really. genitals and sexuality are strongly related, but not one in the same. you gave me a chuckle nontheless haha

[Hidden]
Smoky (17) (@smokyego) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@Loop, I think you might have hit the nail on the head. I’m trying to improve my confidence in my sexuality.. Mainly by pushing my own mental boundaries – you could say im challenging my conditioning. Weed definitely plays a part of this too.


@phanci3
, Wow a girl feels the same! Jokes haha. Don’t be scared about future romances. Just keep it in the back of you mind. I think it’s quite natural when you are taking an external view on your entire world (living a high existence) to actually look at how funny ‘love’ or ‘flirting’ really is. But looking at it this way can actually put you in a state where you are trying to mentalize something that is (or should be) so innate to us all. I’ve been trying to let my natural sexuality shine through.


@sunshinedust
, there are a few articles on vows of silence but i can’t seem to relate them. Care to expand more on this?

[Hidden]
Smoky (17) (@smokyego) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@phanci3, Maybe that is the problem. Everyone is trying to find out what to do, what to say, what to wear etc.. When really we just need to know how to express ourselves

[Hidden]
Viewing 13 reply threads
load more