So Im in college right now and, long story short, I just relapsed on alcohol. ive been struggling will drugs in general for a while and just got out of rehab about two years ago. its incredibly hard to stay clean in college. Everyone is always talking about the “college experience”, which is basically a once in a lifetime thing. and by “the college experience” they mean getting drunk and partying. its always the social circle that draws me in, every time. everyone seems so nice and fun. I always start partying sober, and then im like “maybe one drink”, then “maybe another”. This can go on for about a week before I relapse. I define relapse as going beyond controlled use, and last night I got fucking smashed, which was not my goal. is there anyone out there who knows about addiction that can give a little advice?
@dominika, Have you ever made clear for yourself what the actual benefits of quitting drinking are?
Once you realize that drinking alcohol does not add (positively) to your life experience you’re most likely not doing it again.
I’ve been partying a lot when I was younger and today I feel much better after I quit drinking, even if it was only ‘occasionally’.
Yes! It’s hard. It’s hard as fuck. If you were okay for a long time and just got influenced by the environment, I think you already know that you gotta change it if it affects you negatively. The only thing that helped me was willpower and finding a healthy substitute, finding someone or something that made me love myself more. People that aren’t the “YOLO, I’m a degrading piece of shit” type are everywhere so I started communicating mostly with crazy nerds! Real talk.
@dominika, I’ve had my own struggles & have many friends who’ve been in one program or another. It really is as simple as choosing to love yourself over hurting yourself…but I know that’s not the answer you wanna hear :) and no it’s NOT easy for most people. In general, anyone I knew that was clean for a long time, then relapsed (on whatever it was), it was because they were putting themselves in the same situations with the same people….so they would ultimately cave and get the same results (I’ll reference the definition of “insanity”–doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results :)).
There really are plenty of things to do in college that don’t involve getting trashed, even though it doesn’t seem that way… you need to surround yourself with people/things/activites that are positive and active. Search around the internet (it really is a great tool for meeting people [meetup.com] with similar interests). Join a kickball league, ultimate frisbie, frisbie golf, take up playing a new instrument, plan a camping trip that involves hiking/canoeing/kayaking, volunteer somewhere… there’s LOTS of other things to do!
Did you develop a sober network at all from the people you went to rehab with? In your situation I think that’s key…IF you truly want to stay sober.
Ye I’ve got some advice. Stop drinking. Really, it is as simple as that. You don’t have to have an alcoholic drink at a party, you don’t have to have a drink afterwards. You rationalise drinking with faulty logic ‘only one, it won’t hurt’, well obviously it is.
And the reason you only will have ‘one’ drink at a party? To fit in with your peers, the fear of being judged, the fear that you might have a good time sober?
Stop cheating yourself.
@dominika, honestly, just lie. Next time people want you to go out with them, go out but then say, “I can only stay out for a little while, I have to [insert clever and believable excuse] in the morning”
before you know it, instead of calling it a night early, you won’t even be hanging out with these people any more.
@dominika, just this last weekend i got my self into a situation with visiting some of my good friends that I had not seen in a long time. Long story short it was a weekend of excessive drinking and whatnot.
I left a day early and went on a two day solo camping trip. Do what you gotta do
It really is all about the people you surround yourself with. I drink when the people around me do, and don’t when they don’t (for the most part). Lately I’ve been hanging out with a friend who drinks every day, so I started drinking every day. It got ridiculous; I think I went more than a week drinking every day.
Luckily, a lot of my friends are pot smokers and I don’t smoke, so I hang out with them sober and soak up their high vibrations and have fun anyway. Definitely make time for yourself and the friends that have the habits you want. It’s so much easier to refrain from something you’re not surrounded with.
Well, lemme address this at first. “The College Experience” is what YOU make it, not what everyone else makes it to be. Not what society chalks it up to be. If you want to spend your experience sober as a whistle enjoying YOU and making memorable experiences for you, go for it. You need to start by surrounding yourself in people who will support you, regardless of anything. I mean, do you really want to look back on your college years and remember nights of being completely trashed, forgetting half of them, waking up sick as shit, and only a few pieced together funny memories, or a sober experience where you can recall all that happened without the need for addiction?
Sit down with yourself and have a nice pep talk. Don’t be afraid to speak up and say “No, I don’t want to drink.” Don’t be afraid to take a stand, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, your actions don’t affect their life, your choices affect your life.
I still run with a group of friends that dabble in drugs, and drinking, and I’ve made my point so clear on not wanting to touch drugs, or picking up a drink, because I’ve been sober three years and I’m not fucking that up. they don’t pressure me into feeling obligated to partake in their actions. of course I’ll tag along, spend time with them. But because I’m so adamant and strong in my desire to not fall back into that scene, people notice and people don’t pressure me. Either that, or I’m just a super cunt in voicing my stance. haha
Make your point stand out and let it be noticed, but not by others, but by you. The college experience is what YOU make it. There are people there that are doing the same thing as you, go find them and support them as they will support you. Stay clear from your temptation and occupy your time with other things that won’t tempt you to fall into desire. It’s a battle, I know, but you CAN do it. Don’t doubt yourself.
It is clear that your future you can’t be trusted. So draw a hard line. No alcohol. Period. If you can’t do this, you’re effectively choosing alcoholism. So get to know your rationales, which are of course all false, and stop believing them. Also understand that you’re creating the future you with every choice you make. So learn to say no is of utmost important now, or else you will never learn to say no.
@dominika, You’re probably rationalizing some feeling you have about drinking. Don’t do that if you want to stop drinking.
And, why does everyone get fun at parties? They do because most people don’t know how to have fun without help. Parties and fucking and fighting can be the only release for some people who don’t know on their own how else to relieve their tensions. Being around them will instill those unconscious beliefs they have into you.
@dominika, Don’t listen to anyone else. The “college experience” can be whatever you want it to be. For me, I pretty much got the partying out of me during High School and it took me a while to understand that I did not have to live up to anyone’s expectations of what the “college experience” should be. Do whatever you want to do. Find hobbies or interests that fascinate you and excite you. Live YOUR life and nobody else’s! As for the alcohol thing, don’t let your thoughts be consumed with beliefs like “I am an addict”, “I can’t do this”, “drinking is a part of college”, or “abstaining from alcohol is really difficult for me”. You are only further strengthening these beliefs and making them a part of your reality. Instead, try focusing on why you think your life would be better without alcohol (if you do indeed feel it is a major issue,) and find other “highs” that excite you. Rock climb. Have sex. Start to play an instrument. Take up the study of metaphysics. Learn a language. Meditate. Do something that is out of your comfort zone, and do it with excitement and as much passion as you can muster! Life is supposed to be a crazy, wild adventure and the only limitations you have are the ones that you place on yourself. Learn to love the journey of life and just accept that there will be some lows along the way.