Recently I’ve been seeing a nice lady but as we’ve gotten closer it feels like we’ve also gotten further. I don’t have much experience with relationships so a lot of this feels new to me. I suppose I feel like I’m trying to get too close, but I don’t know how she feels about it so I’m trying to keep my distance as well, creating the sense of ambivalence. Not sure if this is a natural thing or if its not really gonna work out.
Any thoughts from more experienced folk?
You know, sometimes people are the type who move quickly into things. They have a broad awareness of the things going on around them, how they feel towards their surroundings (including people) and how they feel receiving what they have in return. This allows them to feel confident in new adventures (of love, life, and their own mind/emotions) – the new feeling, or sometimes old feeling refurbished by the prospect of something new yet unexperienced. Heart on their sleeve, head in the clouds.
Then, there are the people who fall in love much the way alice falls down the rabbit hole. Sometimes, the journey appears to be endless – flurries of subtle hints and what feel like very intimate moments passing by, some hanging around long enough for them to be mesmerized, and then they’re gone as suddenly as they arrived. Everything confusing, everything new and intriguing like the world in the eyes of a child. But eventually, the end does arrive, and along with it the certainty that the experience was true all along.
You may be one of these, or maybe a mix of all or none. But if you move quickly and your potential thing takes time, you have to ask yourself what you want. Do you want to wear your heart on your sleeve, experience things as quickly as the thoughts in your mind come and go? On the edge, a balanced impulsiveness towards love. Or, do you want to slow down, experience each moment with the fine tuned curiosity of a child, unsure of everything but welcoming just the same. Not sure until you’re sure, or having to prove so.
So early on, you’re like static electricity. The more friction (negative or positive, e.g. conversation/similarities), the stronger the bond. The more honest and true to yourself that you are, the stronger you’ll grown in mind and presence. If you want to move quickly, loving your impulse and its zing, then by all means move quickly.
Sometimes, you might be surprised to find that some people have been itching to keep up.
I like these analogies, thank you. I feel more connected to the first analogy, but a mix of the second as well, after all, most things aren’t absolute. I feel like the other lady is like alice. But that may not be the case, maybe I am needlessly stressing. Maybe she’s itching to keep up with me as much as I am with her. Maybe I need to be more like alice, balance is good, but isn’t always achievable. Maybe it’s not too late for this one, or maybe it is. Either way the experience is useful. I’ll try to enjoy it, but again, balance isn’t always possible, and we need unejoyment to enjoy enjoyment.
Its interesting how analogies can make us feel better. It makes things that seem so far out of our grasp, graspable and understandable.
Thank you, my friend.
I don’t think it’s too late! The only way you’ll know how she feels is if you just ask her. It’s good to have distance and for people to have their space, but sometimes distance can be misinterpreted. She may think you’re pushing her away while you’re distant and in turn just walk away. Just tell her how you feel. It may leave you vulnerable to ask or talk honestly about your feelings, but that’s another way to open a door of possibility with this lady.it seems like you like her a lot to ask this question, so I say stop being so distant and just talk to her…like right Now lol. It will clear the air of confusion, and give you peace. Hope it works out!!
Thank you too.
Yes talking is good. Cleared things up, but we concluded it was poor timing due to summer and whatnot. Maybe not the most optimal outcome, but it still worked out. No sense getting upset over the way things didn’t happen.
Find a little way to reach out to her each day. You don’t gotta be on the phone 24/7 but send her a little text or a funny video you see. There is bare minimum to be involved in each other’s lives. If you stay together (friends or relationshipers) this won’t matter as much but at the start you gotta reach out a little. The only way to tell if somethings gonna work out is time, make sure you’re there as that times passes.
Some of this depends on how old both of you are, how much experience each of you has in past relationships. The ambivalence could be deliberate, or a misunderstanding.
The idea of love at first site and raging passion in relationships is largely a myth. Real, deep love is something you build over time.