Obviously, deep down, my attraction to a woman (or man for that matter) is purely basic biology. I innately feel the need to reproduce, to carry on my bloodline. This could leave one to assume that, in its most blatant consciousness, attraction is purely sexual. I think its safe to speak for everyone when I say that this is not true. There is the fact that we “genuinely” enjoy the other’s company, that we “genuinely” feel happy just being around the one we are attracted to. I am currently experiencing a feeling of infatuation in which the thought of fucking this girl doesn’t cross my mind very often, if at all, much like a close friend. I’ve experienced this many times before, but never really put thought into it. Why can we not just be friends? Why do I want so much more if the conscious attraction is not sexual? I went through this with another girl not too long ago, made a pursuit, and ended up in emotional shambles. Again, if the attraction I feel is not consciously sexual, then my emotions have nothing to be tied to. Theoretically, I could say that my basic need to reproduce was completely unaffected by this. I just don’t understand it. This is causing me to dive into romantic cynicism in every way possible.
Maybe adding some input from a girl could help. Who knows? Well, I’ll start off by saying that I don’t think attraction is purely just sexual at all. Like, for example. If you look at a girls face, and you think that she is beautiful after seeing her face, well that’s obviously not sexual, because beauty isn’t really sexual in nature. Or maybe, not that you are, you’re the type of guy that looks at a girls body first. Maybe, the way you first feel attraction towards a person is in a sexual nature. Which, isn’t really anything to feel guilty about. Unless of course that’s the only thing you like her for. That’s bad. But if you’re attracted to her body, and than get to know here as a person, and start to fall in love, I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. The fact that you’re not thinking sexual thoughts about this particular girl is a good thing. It mean’s you see her as some brilliant and lovely person, and not just a hot body. I would explore these emotions that you’re feeling and really try and figure out if you’re personal attractions to women (or men) start out in a sexual nature, or in a not so sexual nature.
@gracyfacey719, What I’m trying to say is that even though the reason we may feel attraction doesn’t seem sexual, it stems from the basic need for procreation. When I say sexual, I’m not saying sexual in the put on a condom fuck like animals, I’m saying make a baby and raise it to carry on the bloodline. I am developing a sense for the futility encased in all this. If I see her as a person I just love to be around, and let’s assume she feels the same about me, yet without the vague implications I feel, it wouldn’t work between us. This is exactly what happened last time. And this is exactly what happens every time I feel an infatuation towards a straight man. It is all very discouraging, but in a thought provoking way. I’m not looking for relationship advice or anything like that.
@optimystic, It is completely illusionary, I agree. It is the implications, and origins of these implications, and how exactly my feelings may be different from this woman assuming we both greatly enjoy each others’ company. It’s always so goddamn confusing. I’m starting to get to the point of thinking being intelligent is a significant disadvantage when it comes to social settings. That could just be me though.
@optimystic, I get that and I meditate and follow a bunch of eastern philosophies, but, human interaction is confusing to me. Not to say that I don’t have friends, but generally my friends are the opposite of my. They are outgoing and active and I don’t get it at all. And my relationships have always been based on drugs or the person I was with was so insecure that my manipulation worked on them and I got what I wanted. Since I got clean I haven’t had any relationships because I don’t have any clue whatsoever how to do so.Also the women I tend to be attracted to are outgoing and opposite from me in many ways except music. The men I’m attracted to are normally straight hippies. very similar to me but straight. I’m in a two year dry spell and keep getting my heart shit on. I know that sounds like I’m complaining, but my intent really is just to try to understand it and I can’t figure out a way to phrase all this without sounding kind of whiny.
greeks believed humans originally were created with four arms and four legs but split us in half because he was fearful of the amount of power, and so we are now searching the globe for our missing half that only brings out the best in us and makes us feel the uptmost happiness. then you want to reproduce with them and attempt to create yourself again and be one.
@hugnikolas, I’ve read that before and while I find it profound in a way, it’s just not a satisfying answer for me due to the fact that finding that person who was split from me is 1/~7190251439 as of today. Obviously that number would be lower given that that person would ideally be within a few years of my age, but still impossible odds.
@leviwedowdle, Yo, hesitating talking blabbering fucking… (you get my point)
Apparently you’re really struggling now knowing how to act. You do know when. And if you didn’t know with whom, I would have written anything.
Wait, I think I’ve fallen in love. @gracyfacey719
Anyway, “Why can we not just be friends?”
Because you’re so fucking awesome and understanding, no one getting sexy can be a friend with you.
“This is causing me to dive into romantic cynicism in every way possible.”
Really? Ok. What is your relationship with your family?
Some things about relationships.
@shadowman, my relationship With my family is great. My friendships are great. But I’m really just trying to dissect this more than worry… It did stem from worry but I know more of a waiting game to find someone who doesn’t fit my normal patterns (which never work out) and to initiate it when I do find someone. But I’m not looking for a pep talk or plushy answers. But it is true I don’t know how to act around people and the people my life look past that.
@leviwedowdle, I really think that, as humans, we just don’t want to be alone. Thus, you find yourself wanting to have someone there without necessarily being intimate with that person. To have a relationship doesn’t have to be of a specific type. Relationships are open to be, almost, any kind of relationship. Sexual relationships can bring people closer together, while at the same time, not every relationship benefits with that sexual part of it. It all just depends on what you think of the other person, what they think of you, and what both of you want from the relationship.
@monica9494721, I guess what I’m trying to figure it is exactly where that line is emotionally, not necessarily physically. And I guess there’s really no way to answer that. But I honestly want to thank everyone for their input. It was helpful although I might not have expressed that.
@leviwedowdle, I think that line (If I understand what your mean) is would be when you start thinking of that girl as a partner and as being beautiful and having real value. If you could get in a fight with her and leave her side without any second thoughts then you probably aren’t really there emotionally. Just in my opinion, but if i could leave and not look back and not feel sad because of them walking away or me walking away then I’m not emotionally invested. The relationship, to me, wasn’t really very much of a relationship at all.
@monica9494721, those emotional investments you mentioned are emotional investments I have with true friends (with the exception of thinking of them as a partner). One example of what is really tripping me up is the fact that my taste in men is generally straight. Obviously that person won’t change their sexuality, so that takes any romance or sex off the table. That doesn’t change the fact that I crossed that illusive line we speak of.
@monica9494721, Also, like I mentioned earlier, any romantic or sexual relationship I’ve had was based on drugs and manipulation. These girls and guys were like prey to me. The filled the sole purpose of keeping my own insecurity, depression, anxiety, and self loathing at bay. I’m not using anymore and I don’t feel that way anymore so I’m looking for something much more than that. Something meaningful. Given that fact, I don’t know how to be in a relationship. The same thing always happens. I cross the line and they don’t but if you boil it down we feel the same about each other. Which is why this line is so incredibly illusive to me.