So, lately I’ve been struggling hard to forgive myself of past things. even things i had no control over. and things i did when i used to be a very negative person over two years ago! things like telling my mom I hate her, letting my friends birds die, moving away from home after my step mom passed away and not being there for my little brother and sister ( when i ened up getting kicked out, it wasnt even by choice) I just get so sad sometimes and pissed off with myself for doing these things. does anyone have any suggestions on self forgivness?
Yeah, I do. Don’t forgive yourself. It will only prolong characteristics of yourself that you are dissatisfied with. Turn all your negativity into fuel for action that will steer you out of habits and toward the person you see yourself truly as. Or decide that the shit is too hard and continue torturing yourself… you need incentive and momentum. Sounds like you got it, moping never medicated anything though. Stomach your pain whole and recognize yourself as a wielder of boundless potential, emerge a champion – get infinite head nods.
@kellah, We all have regrets, my friend. At first, it is quite easy to look back on one’s life and point out actions that we deem bad, things that we wish we could change.
If you really have changed to a point where you understand that your past is something you wish to grow away from, you have to choices of action
-Wallow in guilt and self-pity
-Change and honor your past as fuel for shaping yourself into a better person
It’s easy to feel bad for yourself, and be depressed, but to actually accept your past, learn from it, and CHANGE is what takes real courage and strength. If you go with the latter option, you will have closure knowing that you live above and beyond your worst days.
All of those who you feel you have wronged will be uplifted by how much you have done to be better, and they will forgive your old ways of acting.
Nope. We don’t all have regrets. Some of us are pretty content and don’t make much mistakes, other than insulting people who speak for all the irrational mistakes of humanity. Of course, sometimes we have to lie that we’re all the same, because people tend to be competitive all the time and it happens to be the only way to connect.
Holding things in give you cancer.
Guilt is the natural response to how accepted you needed to be.
Compassion is overrated. Pretty much. Compassion is the basic reason for people to feel guilty and it leads to the next need for self-forgiveness when you were hard on yourself. If you really didn’t do absolutely anything to change your situation and are keeping the stubborn ego-driven attitude of not helping others, then you’re probably going to feel bad about yourself for not getting your shit together.
If people didn’t rely so much on someone to be grateful for them, they wouldn’t say they need them in the first place.
@beyond, by regrets, SASHO, I mean times were we question our decisions and wonder about the outcomes had things gone differently. Everyone will think about alternate paths they might have taken, if only for entertainment.
And really, even if you don’t currently feel like you have regrets, your growth as a person to get to the point you are now most assuredly came from a place that at one time did have regrets. You can talk a big game via the internet but I don’t believe for a second you have never questioned your actions.
Mistakes are whatever you define them as. In the grand scheme of you, nothing is a mistake if you believe in a deterministic perspective, because your choices are all laid out for you in the future, despite your inability to perceive it. If you believe in free will, then everyone makes mistakes, since to claim that our limited human perspectives yield no error is completely ABSURD.
Either way, you (nor anyone else here) is immune to the functions I’ve described.
It’s what you do with your emotion that makes a difference. People too entangled in the nooses are likely to die from their grasp, but to understand guilt and regret for what they are (subjective perceptions of the self, projected from unstable areas of our minds and egos) you will function well regardless.
@lytning91, Nah, I’m immune. You need to spread your horizons a little bit. Growing as a person is the biggest illusion a person can believe. I guess you fall in that trap too. You have memories and you can distort how to feel about them. Enough said. :)
@beyond, sure you may have the ability to, but you didn’t start off with such a curse. Through grow you learned a method of coping with…regret. Your decision to distort your reality is unfortunate, and promotes a short cut to actual ability, at least from the way you have described it (though brief)
“You need to spread your horizons” (growth) followed immediately by “growing as a person is the biggest illusion…” (growth is a facade)
I mean, you just contradicted your own opinion in the same sentence. Seems I’m not the only one needing an expanse of the self.
@lytning91, I mean that you really need to stop accepting doing things that you’ll regret, but I decided to be more delicate. And by spreading your horizons, I mean that you need people that actually don’t make mistakes, but I’m repeating myself. I’ve already said it.
You need to spread your horizons and see things in different perspectives.
“And really, even if you don’t currently feel like you have regrets, your growth as a person to get to the point you are now most assuredly came from a place that at one time did have regrets.”
See, if you’re sentimental or used to think that way, you will be expecting your mistakes, which is nothing more than an excuse for accepting them.
@beyond, I don’t believe in mistakes. I do and accept what I have done. Longing for the chance to make a decision over again is a waste of one’s time. You saying you don’t make them is laughable, since you are doubly admitting you think they exist. If mistakes are a tangible thing, you definitely have a TON of them, just like everyone else does (including myself, were I to be wrong in my perception of them being non-existent)
I see things through as many perspectives as I can, friend. Your words do nothing, as of yet, to convince me I’m lacking in my policies, and urge instead that it is just you who needs to “spread your horizons.”
@lytning91, I guess that’s the problem here. You are talking to yourself. Contradicting yourself, not sure if you should believe you’re making mistakes or just letting yourself making mistakes that wouldn’t have an effect on you eventually. Your words do more than you realize. You say more than you think you do. :D
@beyond, I’d not be doing myself justice to note just how contradicting you have been since I’ve started coming to this site. Calling out flaws we both share isn’t an argument for or against either of us, nor does it advance anything beneficial.
You are misguided in your attempt to understand my thought process I guess. Discussing theory and potential outcomes is not contradiction anymore than pondering the spirit and yet continuing to live as a human is. As you put it, “but I’m repeating myself. I’ve already said that.”
I live. I accept what I do and I peruse my thoughts and feelings as much as I feel necessary.
My words say whatever YOU want them to. You seek confrontation. Perhaps we are both talking to ourselves in this thread, and not actually penetrating one another after all.
This would be a shame, were it true, but is there really a way to talk to you, or you me…*shrugs*
@lytning91, I guess you have troubles with confrontation and think of it as a mistake. If you talk about something you didn’t quite get, you should be more specific, because I’m either using humor, that’s not contradicting, it’s humor, or you don’t understand anything at all.
@beyond, I have no trouble with confrontation. I sidestep it easily as I will do with you. My hesitancy in doing this stems only from the fact that I’m hoping there is some sort of value in talking to you. I appreciate well-grounded people, but you tread a thin line between substance and absurdity, so it’s hard to determine whether I should invest in your perspective at all. Your contributions in other areas are somewhat refreshing, but here your argument seems really murky and shifty.
I guess I can try, one more time, to clarify. I said that I do not think mistakes exist as they are defined currently. Everything else I mentioned regarding mistakes comes from hypothetically imaging they do exist, and what their “existence” would mean for everyone else.
As it stands, my belief is firm and unwavering (no contradiction).
So, what is your actual point here? Or like I said, are you here for confrontation’s sake alone?