Self Improvement – How do you make it work?

 Alladara (@alladara) 7 years, 10 months ago

Hi all! Long time lurker, first time poster, here.

I was wondering how fellow HEthens went about improving themselves, changing, growing, etc.

How do you start something new and keep motivated? How do you make it stick? What have been your successes and failures?

I for one have been reading inspirational articles on here and a few other websites for at least 2 years now but haven’t seemed to actually accomplish anything myself. It’s probably a mixture of laziness, copious amounts of excuses, and lack of motivation. But I do want to change that.

So… what works for you?

December 12, 2013 at 11:44 pm
josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, moderation between what we like, what is healthy for us that we know of, and something new to try, imo

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Alladara (1) (@alladara) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@josephm, any advice on trying those new things and committing to them? Small steps, big steps, just going with it?

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josephm (772) (@josephm) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, everyone functions a little bit differently. i usually ponder big steps while inching towards my goal with each lap through little steps.

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Anonymous (4) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, i was the same way for so long. I have strived to accomplish so many things but often seem to come up short or quit too soon only to later restart. For me it was the realization that no one can do everything for me. I have to be the one to step up and make the effort and see it through to the end. Discipline is a great way to do it but not everyone is disciplined. For me it is a burning desire to live a more than average life. I dropped out of school, quit the football team (more than likely would have gotten a full ride). So i got angry then i got motivated. I started exercising like when i played football, i recently got my ged, planning on going to a junior college and eventually a university. I want to make a substantial amount of money so that i can travel the world, learn from it, and one day find a way to help the less fortunate and make the world a better place for everyone and everything. It may seem a little far fetched but it is a goal and i will not stop trying until i see it through or i am no longer capable. All i can really say is find what is important to you, set goals and never give up.

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stoker92 (7) (@Brennan-Avans) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, just curious what are some similar sites that you visit? i guess i’am not a great example of self improvement i have been struggling to get off my ass and start chasing my dreams but that’s what we are all here for to help each other. i’am an advocate for self improvement however perhaps a strong community of culture and purpose will keep you strong and just make positive ritual of everyday life

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Anonymous (57) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Patience and motivation-(Based around your life plans, putting them into action).
It ain’t fucking easy lol.

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Alladara (1) (@alladara) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@athousand, We are in such a similiar boat! I also dropped out of high school, got my GED, and want to go to college in order to do something beneficial for others. I’m thinking Nursing. Thank you for your response! I’m really good at the goal setting part, but absolutely horrible at the “never give up” part.

@brennan-avans, I haven’t actually found a site that’s similar to this one. I just read multiple blogs, mostly about self improvement, yoga, meditation, healthy eating, etc. MindBodyGreen used to be one of the main sites I kept up with, but now it’s nowhere near as inspirational or even as interesting. It has grown into something that I am not a fan of. What you said about making a positive ritual of everyday life – that is probably my biggest goal right now. I have all these changes I want to make – I want to get to a point where I’m meeting my expectations daily. Waking up early, drinking tea, meditating, doing yoga, eating healthy, reading, making art, going to school, excelling at work, taking care of my family, (all in no particular order) but I could go on forever with what and how I want my life to be. I’m just struggling with getting there!

@lexovix, Where do you get your motivation from? What do you do in order to not give up? I agree – it’s definitely not easy!

BTW – Thanks to you guys for all the responses thus far. It’s not just interesting seeing how others handle their goal setting and self improvement, but it is also definitely helpful and inspirational. :)

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Anonymous (16) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, surround yourself with positive people and positive energies. We as humans rely on eachother to keep us going. Just like you as the rest of us come to HE to get answers from other people.

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stoker92 (7) (@Brennan-Avans) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

it all may sound like so much you want to accomplish i too have similar goals and aspirations. make a schedule that’s what i am doing at least to get rolling. i have certain days in the week for tv and internet and others are devoted completely or divided through out the day with the many goals in my life i want to achieve. long term goals are the best so it makes all the little things worth while. by making things into ritual i’am trying to do little things like 2 poems a day or write a thank you note to someone who provided great service to me or to another these acts are only fuel to the fire. i am quite the ADD case so i need to space things out a bit and its been had to get this routine rolling but i have just joined this site and everyone on here whether they know it or not has been a great support to me in my own self-improvement. together we all feel less alone in our goals and dreams, @alladara,

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Anonymous (4) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, yeah the goal setting and planning is always easy and fun for me, and i am not all too great at the never give up part either. Like the others were saying “step by step” is a very great way to try and do things. I have found that it is easier for me to achieve goals i can keep track of. Examples would be fitness, you can track weight, strength gains, distance you ran compared to last week etc. or for like education you can track how long you study, if your grades are improving or decreasing and just little things like that. So if you think this might help see if you are able to track progress on your goals, if so mark on a calendar or keep a diary. I lose motivation every now and then, i get saddened or depressed if things get worse, i fall down and want to stay there sometimes you just have to choose to get back and finish because once you do it will definitely be worth and you will feel a lot better about yourself, i know i do.

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Anonymous (4) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@brennan-avans, that is actually a pretty cool way of doing things. I am most def going to try it! So thank you for sharing

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stoker92 (7) (@Brennan-Avans) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@athousand, dude thanks for reading that i’am trying to work it into my life but dam things can be very distracting. discipline is needed but more than anything i think the biggest thing that holds us back from acting out the way we feel and expressing ourselves is social criticism or at least it is on my part. when your trying to be different and belong at the same time thats where boundaries are made for the wrong reasons. what iam trying to say is if there is an idea in your head of who you wanna be and you see what it means to get there you cant put it off for the next day or go half ass you gotta gainer and nose dive right into that reality.

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Anonymous (4) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@brennan-avans, you my friend seem to be able to put your thoughts into words pretty well. I can relate to everything you are saying, and i think almost everyone can. Everyone tries so hard to have a since of individuality but there is this invisble line that if you cross you are deemed weird or too different which is not how things should be. If only people were more accepting i believe everyone could shine! I now see the my very first post on HE was wrong. You see i was worried that with more people this site would become something diffrent but over that past few days i have come to believe that this is what the world needs, a place where peope can come together and express their opinions freely. I strayed a off topic a little but i am here to support you and as you can see there are other people here willing to do the same.

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Anonymous (57) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, Look around, giving up is easy.
Think of the sheer scale of randomness involved in your life reaching the point it is at today, that randomness won’t simply disappear in the following period till you reflect like this again, so what, can you do, to ‘improve’ the odds in your favor in a way that anytime you chose to reflect, you’ve done the most you can to show ‘hey at least i gave it a go :-)’ at the very least. If really struggling, then think of any failures you are worried of, and think of your chance to experience those failures so that you might learn from them and then help others, say future children, in their own struggles, and/or yourself in similar unseen situations.

I guess a kind of TLDR of:
Just experience whatever you are comfortable with at the pace you are comfortable with and do your best to learn from each and every moment of it – And SHAPE the direction of those moments in your most favorable life’s direction.

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Matheus Pinheiro (44) (@Mattgood) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

I build some “improvement routines” where I read books, learn, learn learn… Acquire lots of knowledge and for some months I forget it all. I just apply what I passed months learning. So, when I need a rehab again I come back to routines to improve myself. With languages for example, I am so slow nowadays that I can’t even believe I reached where I am right now. I do not feel hungry for the knowledge languages can give me, my motivation is kind of over. But in other arising day I just can’t control it and study a lot of why I was supposed to study for all these weeks. And remember what I forgot. Improving yourself is not something direct or constant, it is just natural. Chose the same organization that nature has: Where everything is messed up to work better.

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Anonymous (107) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, Self-awareness and self-talk. Listen to your own thoughts and trace the origin of the stifling ones. Also, be honest about what you’re real vision of your best self is. Don’t let other people’s ideas of what is to be improved influence your plans.

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Matheus Pinheiro (44) (@Mattgood) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@anjelica, But sometimes we need this voices to shut the fuck up, so we can live more freely. There were times this year I didn’t approach girls because of this crazy voice inside my head that didn’t stop to share ideas!

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Anonymous (107) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@mattgood, I agree, going along in spite of insecurity is pretty much the main requirement of life. But the more you trace the origin of the thoughts, the more you can let them dissolve with understanding and self-love.

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Frosty (45) (@iflipvans) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, I make a schedule for what I’m doing the next day. The day after the tomorrow will be a mystery, but hopefully I will know what I’m doing when I plan a day!

I make it to myself to wake up early, do morning chores, and start the day of productive. If I have nothing to do, instead of calling friends to hang out with, I meditate and open new areas. I try to stay active as much as possible by exercising, doing extreme sports, and playing different games.

If you can keep yourself in a well-balanced lifestyle by having responsibilities and doing fun things, you will be overall much happier. Do what you love, and love what you do!

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wantsomethingbetter (0) (@wantsomethingbetter) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Self improvement: set goals you can accomplish. Such as: start meditating 3 minutes a day, if this is too much do 1 minute. Whatever works for you. Don’t judge yourself, congratulate yourself if you were able to maintain a 1 minute meditation for a whole week.
Then push yourself a bit harder not too much.
Remember that is all about you and what you can give to yourself. NO JUDGEMENT is the key. That will be your biggest accomplishment.
Be kind to yourself. Being alive is your biggest accomplishment already.
I agree that surrounding yourself with good people, reading heart based books and blogs is part of your spiritual development.
Celebrate small accomplishments.

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Alex (63) (@alexsabus) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara
Whatever you say. You are not the same person that you were 2 years ago. You have been improving yourself all this time.
Just keep going with the flow and do what your heart tells you and you will surely accomplish something great.

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Q (94) (@Qualohuasca) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, I’ve found this to be quite helpful.
http://www.kratosguide.com/16-habits-you-should-do-every-day/
I actually do use Excel for habit-tracking – got the idea from this site. Also for a “to do”-list, accomplishment-tracker, addiction/withdrawal-tracker and so on.

I quit smoking, after which everything came quite naturally. I had so much excess energy (and I wanted to keep my mind busy), I started exercising, doing repetitive guitar and vocal exercises, meditating and so on.

Also, maybe you’re just on the level of neutrality according to the map by Dr. Hawkins, and need to let something “lower level” go in order to go forward? The next step is willingness, after all. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/04/levels-of-consciousness/
I’ve found this sort of understanding of personal development as stages very helpful. Thanks to it, I know what to avoid (pride for now) and what to aim for (accepting responsibility) in a bigger scale. The way I’ve understood, cigarettes (“level of desire”) were holding me back to the “level of neutrality” (complacency), and when I let them go, a powerful shift happened. I used to just play video games, smoke weed and watch cartoons… and all of a sudden I’m all for discipline-building, schedules, getting rid of addiction… and what have you. It’s a bit… cooky-spiritual, but does it’s thing.

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stoker92 (7) (@Brennan-Avans) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@athousand, bro hopefully we will be seeking each others support in our enlightenment keep me posted on life’s journey.
Pablo Picasso said ” We are all born artists” this is true in many ways. the world can be tough on an artist and that’s why we need to band together a help one another. To improve ones self is to improve the world around you. we are all here for each other virtually but we need to also be there for each other in the “real” world. So next time you spot a fellow brother or sister “HEthen” acting out join in! a movement is only as strong as its followers. If you focus to much on just “you” you end up losing the over all reason to improve in the first place. Stoke the Dream! goodluck @alladara,

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Brendan Barstow (182)C (@eyesopen) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@alladara, I find that building new habits – the essence of self-improvement – requires a lot of willpower and focus, so I’ve found success by only attempting one goal at a time. Overloading yourself in an attempt at a personal revolution is rarely sustainable, instead we get overwhelmed and might even regress in our development.

I advise against spending very much time on self-improvement blogs, forums, etc. because it’s easy. You don’t need inspiration or instructions, spend the time you normally would on this material and put it towards ACTION instead. Reading and watching videos about it just gives you cheap semblance of improvement, as if you need to know more before you can make changes in your life.

You have all the knowledge now, you just have to pick one thing and begin!

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gopal jee (0) (@gopal-g) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

but how to develop patience for doing one work at a time..? insecurity feeling and fear factor pop up for those things of personality traits which one postpones for future.

how to identify that core priority which will be cornerstone for personality improvement ? self control to persevere for that priority is very tough..how to achieve that…?

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