Self-made prison

 Nathalie (@nathalie)8 years, 3 months ago

Last weekend, for the first time in my life, I broke a rule. You might smirk about it, because for some people, this is just normal: I passionately kissed the most attractive guy I’ve ever met – even though I’m in a relationship.

I was always afraid of doing the wrong thing. But now, once I’ve tasted blood, I just want more. I found out that breaking the rules doesn’t have to kill me and that I can do whatever I want, as long as I’m aware of the consequences.

My life appears to be so common, I’m living in such a tiny circle, between my room in my parents’ house, my boyfriend’s room in his parents’ house, and studying in the neighboring town. This just can’t be everything.

I would like to go to the train station, and take the train to the furthest destination. I would finally stop taking everything so seriously, and do what comes to my mind when I realize that humans are just tiny spots in the universe. Isn’t it absurd that traveling around the world and doing exactly what you want is just a daydream for most people, although it should be what people normally do? I mean, just looking for new impressions and happiness…

Everything that’s holding me back is my boyfriend (who is already in a bad mood when we are at a nightly underground station) and my parents who are very happy that I’m doing well at my studies, not drinking and being in a long-term-relationship. Everything is just working too smoothly with them – as long as I’m – more or less – going their way.

Maybe, I should just get my bachelor and after that, begin to leave the predefined track.
But to be true, I just can’t wait.

How do those of you who also have a “normal” life like me, and crave for something greater, cope with it? Do you make plans, do you just break out?

May 30, 2013 at 7:22 am
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@nathalie, the guilt of what happened may eat you alive. be careful.

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REDshift (2) (@neumannr) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@nathalie, I understand how you feel. There are times I want to drop absolutely everything and sever contacts with everyone i know and travel the world in search of experience. I do not feel trapped, however, because i know that i could actually do just that if i saved money and waited a while. So in the mean time i have been looking around my local world for unique experiences.

when i’m walking or biking around the city, i will attempt to take in as much as i can. i try to absorb everything around me. sights, smells, touches. while it would be nice to get away and see more of the world, do not forget the immediate world around you. sure you’ve probably seen a certain building a hundred times, but try to see it from a different perspective. seek out little details you never noticed before and things become new again. you need to find the beauty in the world around you before trying to escape it.

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Jimmy (9) (@VastOneAlive) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@nathalie, People these days are so caught up in the “cycle” that they get accustomed to the norm, which I believe is not how humans are meant to live; at least it is not how we live fulfilling lives. It’s amazing how great it feels to even do one single thing different every day.

The thrill of doing something new is real in all of us, as in your case with this other guy…and I would say if your current relationship is not even close to making you happy, then don’t continue with it. As it sounds right now, maybe it is not the best relationship, if you are willing to sacrifice it by getting romantic with another guy behind his back.

For your question, I think it is best to make plans to break out of this cycle. Start by improving the parts that need it most, maybe relationships or maybe just changing the places you go and the people you interact with daily.

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Subwoofer Stevens (246) (@jakehay) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

It’s easier to drop everything and run than you think.

The benefits:

– You learn to become comfortable with yourself
– You are forced to develop skills you may not have had before
– You will see your old life in a new light – this can be in a positive or negative light
– You create memories
– You realise how damn unimportant some things are that may have once met the world to you

Enjoy the ride sis.

Don’t hurt your boyfriend in the process though. Be upfront and honest.

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