Sex – Demons – and more than you probably want to know

TravisAD (@travisad) 5 years, 10 months ago

Hello fellow HEthens,

I’m troubled currently and I don’t really have anyone in my life that I can go to with this. So inter-webs, here I come! Please note I’m revealing things you may not want to know and I’m probably going to swear. A fuck ton.

I met a woman a few years back who was clearly a heathen such as myself. We clicked like wildfire and things went well for a while. When we started out our relationship she warned me of her demons and I warned her of mine.

Skip into the relationship a year her demons started to comsume her and she expressed multiple times how she needed to get high. I embraced her and held her close and after a little while of thinking about it I had to know why it was so consuming for her and I danced with her demons. We both got high and that ended up causing some of it’s own issues with the lack of sleep and such. Whatever, all good.

Well, now came my demons. I started losing confidence in the bedroom and we started having sex less. I wanted to explore outside of the relationship, as expressed at the start. My reasoning is that if you’re able to have sex with more people it keeps your confidence levels at a max and helps you have sex more which gets you used to feeling for those certain twitches, knowing how she’s going to respond when she’s loving it, etc. It also takes the most sensative aspect of a relationship where the most lies come from and puts it in the light. No more lies. However, I was shunned…

Someone who has such dark demons looked down on mine like I was impure. Someone, who mind you was a FUCKING STRIPPER AT THE TIME SHUNNED ME FOR WANTING AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. This created issues where I started to fall more and more into a lack of confidence. I started to lock down the relationship and get jealous more. I started having more issues in the relationship which she reflected and started doing as well. This seems to happen in most of my relationships. Well.. I did something she deemed as cheating. Which, mind you, I’ve cheated in the past and I’m trying my hardest to change my ways. I shared images with a woman and she shared some back, which is the least I’ve done when it comes to cheating on someone. She treated me like the scum of the earth when this is the best I’ve done! T_T

I told her about it and everything crashed.

We’ve since broken up and I’m realizing I’m broken up inside. I feel like I don’t deserve love because of my demons. I feel like no one will ever accept me for who I am…

When I started to feel this way she would tell me to look at porn and masterbate. Okay, yeah.. That’s great. But really it’s not. That tells my brain that the enjoyment is coming from other women not from myself. Women get all sorts of toys to feel out their bodies better and get to understand what really gets them going. Men don’t get toys. We get fucking porn. We get to switch up which hair style, boob type, body type, sex style, and what have you but really the only difference we have is how fast we stroke! Do you really think a woman wants someone who just knows how to fucking fuck quicker? FUCK NO. They want someone who can feel them out. Know how to understand their body language. NEWS FUCKING FLASH WOMEN, WE DON’T GET TO UNDERSTAND THAT FROM WATCHING FUCKING PORN.

What the FUCK are we supposed to do? We have sex literally forced down our fucking throats day in and day out to sell us shit. We have women who dress provacitavely because they know that they can have pretty much any man they want. The only fucking way for a man to do that is to hurt women! To get those women to think that, “Oh hey, maybe this guys is serious and wants more.” Just to fuck them over. FUCK THAT. I refuse to be another man who just hurts women just to get his dick wet!

At this point I’m ready to just give up on relationships…. They don’t make sense and all they do it hurt me and make me feel disgusting about myself. What’s the fucking point?

September 20, 2016 at 1:03 pm
chopstick (5) (@kalellena) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

A lot of this was difficult to decipher, so I apologise in advance for any misunderstandings. The one thing I was unsure about was her demon and wanting to get high. I took it fairly literally, because that’s just the way I am, and took it to mean that she was struggling with a drug addiction during your relationship. But because I wasn’t sure, I left that part out of my reply.

To start with, if you’re looking for an open relationship, you need to make that clear in the very beginning. Before anything gets serious. There are plenty of people out there who enjoy open relationships, but since she considers you trading nudes with other women cheating, it’s safe to say she’s not one of those people. It’s helpful to remember that strippers too can want monogamous relationships. Finding the people who also like open relationships is a bit harder. It, along with homosexual dating, has been likened to applying for a job. “Look online or find a referral.”

I think it would also be beneficial to let you know that there are sex toys for men, too. Also, you don’t have to watch porn just because you don’t have a toy. You don’t seem to enjoy watching porn, so now is the time to quit.

Now, women aren’t dressing provacatively because they know that they can have pretty much any man they want. I dress “provacatively” and I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years. There are many reasons why women, or anyone for that matter, choose to dress the way they do, and I promise you that almost always you will find that their reason is not to hurt you or to tease you or anything of the nature.

I don’t follow the connection you’ve made between showing skin and hurting people. But I think maybe you are trying to say that the best way to get a woman interested in you is to play her? That isn’t true, either. 

To me, you seem to be harboring a lot of anger towards women. Maybe just anger in general. Maybe it’s because of the bad breakup, I don’t know. But if this is the case, you should try reminding yourself that not every woman is your ex, and everyone is their own complex individual. Maybe take up a kickboxing class too, it’ll release your frustrations at the same time as build up your confidence, something you mentioned you struggled with. 

In the end, I’m sure you’ll be okay. Breakups are always hard, you’ve just got to take care of yourself and you’ll come out of it alright. It just needs time. When you’re over it, you might find yourself wanting a relationship, or you might not. Either way is just fine. Don’t let society trick you into thinking you need someone to be happy. Your happiness is always inside you.

TravisAD (53) (@travisad) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

“It, along with homosexual dating, has been likened to applying for a job. “Look online or find a referral.” “

Okay, so this statement made me chuckle. Thank you. I needed that.

Yes, the reference was to drugs and to avoid saying anything specific I hinted towards lack of sleep. I want to let you know that it was expressed at the beginning of the relationship that it was to be open. After a month or two she redacted the open part… I loved her so much I didn’t pay mind to it.

I was a little upset, okay… a lot upset, when I wrote this. I should specify a few things. Yes there are toys for men but speaking of frontal play theirs either a sleeve that you can use, or a rod you can stick inside the shaft. I don’t think you can masterbate with the shaft in? I’m not sure with that one though. As of the porn part, I’ve been using porn since I was probably close to 7 years old. I’ve been addicted to it and trying to achieve an orgasm without an actual woman, or porn, seems to be impossible and not fun.

Women don’t dress that way for only that reason. What I’ve seen though is that when women do that they get labeled Sexy, Hot, Beautiful. When men do it the reaction I hear most is “Oh, he’s just a fuck boy.” There seems to be a huge disadvantage for men. The only people I’ve seen overcome this disadvantage are those who “play the game.” The one’s that say whatever they need to just to have sex and when they get that they walk away leaving the woman hurt. I don’t want to resort to such drastic measures just to get sex.. You know? There has to be a better way.

I’m angry about a lot of things and that anger is coming out in ways I don’t mean for. Thank you for pointing out how I was expressing how I felt without being a dick about it ^_^ it really helps me take a step back and breath for a second.

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