Sexual/Emotional Chemistry – Why is this so hard to find?

 anonymous poster (@anonymous.poster)6 years, 5 months ago

So prior to meeting someone in person I had already developed an immediate connection with them online. It was 2 hours of back and forth jibber jabber (nothing serious, just friendly discussion as if we have been friends for years). The intention was not romantic, however, after meeting in person there was an indescribable attraction. It’s something hard to explain as it wasn’t physical? Needless to say we began a sexual relationship which has been amazing. Unfortunately things would never blossom between us because they are in a relationship already. I know it’s not right but things just happened. I’ve dated around before but I have never felt such a strong connection with anyone else before. When we are together I feel such a sense of comfort in their presence. Sexually we both agreed it has been one of the best experiences. It’s as if we connect on such an emotional level with so much passion. I don’t know what it is and I have this feeling I could never achieve this with anyone else. Not to be cheesy but as if we were meant to be in each others lives even if we could not be together. Anyways, has anyone else felt such a strong chemistry with someone before? What causes this bond with another? It’s not like we have a lot of common interest, goals, etc. Is it spiritual, biological, psychological………………..? How do you explain it when you just click with that someone? What causes us to be so drawn to each other to do something that is against our moral? In conclusion we have ended our relationship because it was something that should not have started. I’m feeling a little empty because I do miss them a lot and I feel like one day when I do meet someone else it would never be like how I felt with this person.

March 26, 2015 at 1:42 am
sian (109) (@siantastic) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

I don’t think it is all that hard to find, but by limiting your thought to that, your perspective will reflect it. We are onions, with so many layers, most of us can’t comprehend especially when we’re mostly coming solely from the emotional layer. It all depends on how multi faceted you want a relationship to be with another. It can work solely from a place of emotion, or be joined in spiritual, mental stimulation, sexual, and goal orientated ways. On a sexual chemistry level we are most likely functioning through animal instinct, and the effect of anothers pheromones on your behaviour is, I believe, massively over looked. But this combined with other layers of connection, well damn, it can be intense, but it doesn’t have to be sexual for chemistry to remain.

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anonymous poster (4) (@anonymous.poster) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

I always try to keep an open mind but sometimes I feel like there are particular people that come into my life (doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic) where we get along so smoothly right off the bat. I understand what you are saying about limiting my thoughts, but by nature, I don’t come out of my shell easily. So I almost feel like I’m forcing myself to be a certain way if that makes sense? Even if I allow myself to continue a relationship and befriend them for some time there are still sides of me I feel like I cannot express due to comfort level etc..

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sian (109) (@siantastic) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

Yeah I get that. I’ve definitely had people come into my life where it all just seems to go so swimmingly that you have to wonder if their is some kind of higher purpose to it, and it can make other connections feel weak. But like you, not everyone comes out of their shell that easily, so a little bit of work can result in that same deep connection if people are willing to open up. And I haven’t always felt so open either, it just kind of happened through the natural progression of my path…so yeah, don’t feel the need to force anything. We are all exactly where we need to be. Do you think connecting sexually with someone allows you to be more comfortable? That would make sense, purely due to the intimate nature.

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anonymous poster (4) (@anonymous.poster) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

I’m definitely not the type to think connecting sexually would be the thing that would make me feel more comfortable. By nature, I’m actually quite prudish which is why I was caught off guard. I think it was the fact that we could decide to turn off the television and just sit and chat for hours to really enjoy our time we had together. I’ve never really been in a relationship where I could share that type of connection I guess. Regardless, I’m also the type to believe if things were meant to be it will happen. Clearly this was not the case for us.

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sian (109) (@siantastic) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

Well then trust me when I say you will find that again, because I rarely watch TV with any of the people I know :) It all depends on how open you want to be, which like I said before can take time. And yes even if things don’t work out for what seems the best (or really just our expectations of what is best) I always think there’s something gained from such a situation, even if it’s just some kind of lesson.

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Anonymous (2) (@) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

There are so many ways into connection. The more time and energy you put into it, the stronger the bridge between you. I think what is common is to find the one person who is so fitted to your specific tastes that you both open readily and are able to validate each other.. but you can do that with anyone if you are willing to be vulnerable and present with them. A lot of times two people who are totally incompatible end up staying together unhappily for the sake of attachment and when it ends you realize the little world that was created between the two of you actually worked pretty well. I’m in love with lots of people but that doesn’t mean I would choose to be a family with them. The same way I adore any form of beauty.

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JustinDanger (41) (@JustinDanger) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

Yeah I’ve felt that.

It could be your twin soul if the connection is irrepressibly strong.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 5 months ago ago

It’s not so hard to find if you know where to look.

The problem is that people tend to search on the level of ideas. It’s relative and ever changing, and very specific. Whatever connection can be found that way usually fades quickly. I don’t think it’s even real.

On other levels, such as sheer primal attraction, or a deep transcending emotional plane, it’s easy to connect with most… the only challenge is getting to that kind of interaction.

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