Last mindful contemplations before bed
For the last two months I’ve noticed something new tremoring from deep
within the plate tectonics of my being. It feels like spiritual growth. Shapes shifting in my mind. I feel like the patterns and secrets I’ve been seeking through strata and layers to sense are finally beginning to quake into coherence but its always just beyond the pale of articulation rendering me abstract in reference.
Most recently I’ve found that just before sleep, as I lay mindfully drowsy, images- the beginnings of dreams, begin to take shape before me and I am able to maintain just enough awareness to ply their meanings, street signs, road maps what have you and discern the answers to some of the darkest mysteries and most currently vexing secrets I keep from myself.
It’s an incredibly profound feeling and I’ve watched myself in the following days interacting with people with a seemingly new and highly tuned empathy and overall wisdom that it makes me feel like I’m hot on the trail of a noble path, nothing short of miraculous. They’re like revelations of the secret wisdom of natural systems, time, memory and the human condition.
I don’t quite know how to articulate further but I’d invite any questions or tests of some kind to reality check what feels like a period of accelerated growth.
I will say concretely that the overall feeling is a transcendently GOOD one with a wondrous mystical sensation
and seems to be leading me towards my goals and desired self-actualization.
Thank you for letting me share.
@eloqualm, Isn’t it crazy and amazing how maintaining a bit of awareness as you start to drift into sleep can solve a lot of issues for you? I think it’s because our creative mind powers are going full force(one could say they always are) and our analytic brain is put on pause, or resting, so we are able to discern certain things more clearly without overthinking them into oblivion. I have had many an epiphany in this little area between wakefulness and sleep.
@tangledupinplaid21, indeed! Thanks for responding. I agree with you- I think it’s the quieting down of my conscious ego that allows for revelation as my subconscious emerges. I’ve always had the thinnest of films between consc. and sub. which has allowed me to experience, I dare say, a more meaningful life sensitive to imagery, symbols, art and dreams. It’s proven useful in interpreting friends’ dreams as well as my own and a daily sense of profundity. I can’t help but psychoanalyse ppl when they’re telling me their hang-ups and whatnot.
Subsequently tho, it’s yielded a very sensitive boy who often suffers acutely in a dark brooding sorta place.. The thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.. I find vipassana or mindfulness meditation to be an invaluable aid for this.
I would like to experience life unabeted but often find the supplementary aid of drugs to also be useful in discovering and understanding the mind.
@eloqualm, Yeah, I am very similar. Sensitive to art and symbols and just sensitive in general. I also can’t help but psychoanalyzing people a lot of the time. I’ve learned to keep those ponderings to myself though, unless asked… not everyone likes being analyzed.
Drugs can be useful, but I’m kinda leaning away from all that stuff at this point in my life. I enjoy the occasional psychedelic journey but other than that I find drugs just complicate things needlessly.