[Official] Share and discuss your amateur poetry and stories.

 Anonymous (@)9 years, 2 months ago

I recently wanted to challenge myself, so I decided to try my hand at poetry. Since I’ve written a few poems, I’ve really wanted to get some kind of feedback, I’m not sure if they suck or not. So I’m creating this discussion in the hopes people will share their amateur poetry and stories. Only constructive criticisms guys, not everyone is literary genius. I’ll share a poem, if you want to here another of mine, just ask.

An Explorers Ode to Earth

As I see her from afar,
I obtain an inkling of who we are,
Here I sit in this frigid waste,
As if running from her warm embrace,
Just as children must move from home,
Here we travel deep into the unknown.

By- imhotep

June 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm
JStewart (1) (@jamaalabdulstewart) 8 years ago ago

Another poem entitled “The Picture” by Jamaal Stewart (me)

The Picture
you sent me
of yourself
was just

you
clothed and
hair-braided
you

and your
cute nose
carmel skin
Baby Lips lips
and those

eyes.
I think i
truly

smiled
for the first
time

when i saw
that holy
picture.

[Hidden]
josephm (772) (@josephm) 8 years ago ago

planet’s away from my zone to your’s; ether roam’s a timeless course. section scanning promotes future feeling as combined state of being is the key to life’s secrets.

[Hidden]
averagejoe (37) (@gimmesomesalt) 8 years ago ago

A Shadow Show

Ask your Self, “what is knowing?”
Do you know, or is something growing?
You’re queasy, uneasy, where is this going?

The thought throws the line, indirect connections
These questions expand the senses, consume perceptions
Neurons firing, the Mind rewiring, behold! Inception.

Blind is the Ego, its reach can never Know
But take your mind deep inside, not to hide
But where resides the seeds of what you sow.

The world within determines the world without
What’s above is born below, a voice cries out…
“It’s all one flow! Perception is a shadow show.”

Forgo, for now, in spite of the show
Reel around, some glorious Light
A Truth so bright, begging to be found.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years ago ago

@gimmesomesalt, I really liked that

[Hidden]
bigmac22 (26) (@bigmac22) 8 years ago ago

It was only yesterday when last we spoke,
Heartwrenching pain I cannot name,
Questions yet, unanswered when last I woke,
Sometimes I feel like I am all to blame.

It was only yesterday, I swear it was,
But memories still haunt my dreams,
Am I obsessed, is that the cause,
As I meditate by mountain streams?

It was four years ago, when last we spoke.
Four years have passed since yesterday,
Four years of less substance than smoke,
Dear God, give me patience I pray.

[Hidden]
averagejoe (37) (@gimmesomesalt) 8 years ago ago

@anjelica, thanks so much I appreciate that! I wrote that this afternoon, came out of nowhere haha. I saw some of your stuff on the previous page, very good too!

[Hidden]
Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years ago ago

I’m sorry that you felt unclean
I’m sorry that you went unseen
I’m sorry that you ever played redeemer
but you’ve proven you’re not weaker than the rest

You will never be alone
You’ll always have kind words to say
You have power in your bones
From every breath you take
And you’re never quite as worthless as they want you to play,
You’re okay :)

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years ago ago

The womb of Mother Gaia is swallowing us whole,
Deep greens and earthy scents, relinquishing control,

Rough terrains contrasted by soft easy walking,
The magic of nature opened as we stood knocking!

I kept wondering why everyone was wearing shoes,
The sky was a dream of innumerable hues,

Constantly changing, television seems absurd,
The symphony of dusk should always be heard!

[Hidden]
Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years ago ago

Fuck you Jesus save me
Raiding for a baby
Sleepless with no dreams to sedate me
Fate is heat, I don’t take seats
I don’t flip beats or change sheets
I circle while you eat me and worship meat
Is this neat and organized?
Is a flow orbing by because I can’t hop or fly.
I sigh and wait to have my eyes fixed
Trade sickness for wicked picks
Could I choose if I wanted?
Will I lose if I’m hunted?
Place the brunt on my fingertips
Avoiding slips and
I promise I just want sisterhood
I have fought for the mix and dissected the rich and
I sit here and list the ways I exist
and I’m pissed

[Hidden]
SinD Rae (19) (@araeya09) 8 years ago ago

“Nights at the Reef”

The casino lights
cause bladders
to overflow
I laugh
disproportionately
in anger

tokens spill
onto screaming carpet
from high ceilings
onto the heads
of drones

none but workers
notice blood spilt
meshing with fibers
hours of ionization
the smells still linger

the notion of death
creates an illusion of life
defined by oxygen intake
so wrinkled fingers
keep working hard
feeding machines

What time is it?
Somewhere between
Too late and not enough
Outside men work overtime
for freetime
where time is all but free
At what point
does satisfaction suffice

Endless haze
never dissipates
where will you be when
the cigarette goes cold
behind windowless walls

he died
in front of the machine
in soiled trousers
feeding the lights
flashing upon cold blue faces
the screen reading
Jackpot

[Hidden]
Nikhil (0) (@zanynik) 8 years ago ago

PERSPECTIVES:

When we met for the first time ,the light was white,
View was clear, we were keen to findout if we were eachothers, Mr or Miss Right!

We liked each other , the light was yellow..
Everything we said or did under it, the feeling was so soft and mellow..
And then we fell in love, It was Rainbow,
We found each other wherever we would go,

We split,I had made a mistake,Now I try to win you back, the light is red,
even if i serve you water, you’ll think its blood.
In-fact its not the light changing, it is the different glasses that we are wearing,
Take them off for a while,
you’ll see that I’m your egypt and your my Nile.

And One day i shall make you mummy,
this poem suddenly turned out to be funny :P ..
See how easy it is to change our glasses,
So, See me in the true light , with only naked eyes under your lashes.

[Hidden]
Mazzy (3) (@hertealeaves) 8 years ago ago

my voice hasn’t been fluid
words grow in my throat
branches thick with sap, they stick to my tonsils
refuse to come up
i drink glass after glass of water
when they finally loosen
the words tumble from my lips
people falling from third story balconies
just to see how it feels

[Hidden]
bigmac22 (26) (@bigmac22) 8 years ago ago

Surrender myself to darkling sleep, a world of dreams and memories,
Recalling now those hands that clasp and with love those lips that meet,
For what is memory, if not a wine, the sorrows of life to ease?
Passing through my passive mind, of times that now seem bitter-sweet,
I walk alone down empty halls, with echoes of the past,
Haunted yet by voices there, and long dark shadows cast,
Dusty doors that I detest, to stay locked forevermore,
Through wind and weather, rain and snow those secrets shall endure.
Through dreams, random echoes of that chaos in my mind,
Enlightenment perhaps, more likely pain, there will I find,
Of things gone by, of things to come, and things that are right now,
For some I wish, and often want, but to achieve I know not how.
In memory and dreams, I may retreat, to heal some festered wound,
With joy and love, sensations sweet, a few dreams are festooned.

But what is real? waking pain or dreaming of the healing rain?

How can I say, for in the dream I know naught else, it seemes the only life,
And when I wake, it seems to me, I am given only strife,

How is reality defined, by the senses often crude, or the mind that is refined?

Some memories, they gather dust, as I leave them in the Past to rust,
Others yet are polished bright, for they I visit every night,
And every time, they seem more real, I feel again that moment’s zeal,
………………
…………
……
..

Is this a dream? can you tell me what is real?
..
……
…………
………………

Which one is my desired life, lived by day, or dreamt by night?
Is it what I feel inside my heart, or what I see by mortal sight?
When shall those two become the same, when can we end this pointless game?
………………
…………
……
..

I think it is, my dreams are real, they are my reality at least,
As such, no thing shall bar my way, be it man or be it beast,
I will live my dreams, for true they are, and I shall dance with moon and star,
To live a life of bliss complete, on the path of Truth I set my feet.

I wrote this several years ago, but it still applies quite well to my life. i find my dreams often to be more compelling than waking life. anyway, i always like hearing opinions on my writing :)

[Hidden]
SinD Rae (19) (@araeya09) 8 years ago ago

Ash castle architecture balancing on the tip of a cigarette
staring at me from between rattled fingers
stagnant freeze of fog crystals radiate halos around us
fail to accentuate our shivering skin
Summer time love nights are a century away
so we drown out their echos with opioid infected conversation
discussions of molecule makeup and psychedelic effects
give false reassurance to our reckless experimentation
sanity has become only a test of endurance
as minds melt mountains under inversion festered skies
We wear tobacco products like accessories
dangling from lips, freely shared with naive first timers
because our own self righteous addiction is never enough
Parading down salt layered streets in soggy socks
Mistakes make martyrs out of good intentions
This type of nostalgia could kill

[Hidden]
Emily Irene (65) (@RawPhoenix) 8 years ago ago

@jamaalabdulstewart, I love this so fucking much.

[Hidden]
Emily Irene (65) (@RawPhoenix) 8 years ago ago

Chorus/Verse

I sang the chorus,
you screamed the verse;
this song reminds me of the good times
but then why
does it make me feel like death?

I can still taste you in the back of my mouth,
feel you under the pale white of my skin,
floating inside my damaged veins,
hiding yourself inside my heart.

[Hidden]
J (1) (@MonkeysQuestionEverything) 8 years ago ago

@imhotep, Well I am just going to free verse this.
Outer Space:
O how I love the Universe,
stars,
nebula’s,
asteroids.
But wait what is the Universe?
Can you feel it,
Can you touch it,
Can you smell it.
Whatever the Universe is,
I crave it,
I love it,
I believe in it.

[Hidden]
josephm (772) (@josephm) 8 years ago ago

in our world of holy showers we are towers. manifested to sing, bring kings to think, preach, reach every goal with out toll. break control. mold your soul into alchemic gold; it will never fold.

refresh this fresh press. guess the meaning of this mess, test the rest. classify the best, inspect content in loving respect. street rent, real men, humbleness, invent.

repent, future past present all represent. energetic kings. momentum-lings… mediative peaking. poetry beacons. modern treason reaping, reason cheeching.

prophetics inject directional intention; control inevitable congestion. artistic expression, create precedent. live in the present. represent mindful residents. shed the message.

recommend truth, our spirit soothes. imprisoned minds trying to be kind but held behind with invisible attire, rooted to the ground until they are sure, they want to live real life; blinded by karmic sight. trudge through fear based blight, around this corner control your inner soldier. brother, bold souls impend heaven with creative weapons of mass visionary projection. insertion of digital dimensions, planetary essence. feel the presence.

rays of sunshine blind evil lies with a murderous demise. open eyes to enter timeless cosmic shine. life-time of crime – fine. morality is the vine, immortality the find, primed state of mind. dharma attaining shrines, universal enzymes conscious of no end of time.

Planets away. cuteness delay, thought train drags my brain away from what would be pleasure…to pain… imaginary gain. culture tame, love main frame. mother praise, iq raise. future on the way. in. rational decision making. praying for emotional saking, karmic vacation. whip~lash-spring^back*launch fat raps in our spiraled fate-crazed map based in energy traps. farm heaven for racks. tracks on tracks guide our legs for the long match.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years ago ago

If a little girl’s a lady twirling, I’m not fond of school
It’s a place where empty minds are praised, and vacant eyes are cool
I see kings and queens that rule together staring at the floor
And “Why oh why but why” has turned the kingdom to a bore
Claim your bones to claim the throne
Love your blood and you are home

[Hidden]
LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 8 years ago ago

We are the rainbow dragon
With feet and wings
Who’s breath of fire
Also sings

[Hidden]
AwayWithWords (1) (@AwayWithWords) 8 years ago ago

i lost my hibbitijibbit
it was but a tidbit
like a zit made for a twit
i put it in a hewitt but blewitt
made me livid, make you vomit
churned like uneaten biscuit
cookie monster lost it
gastric gasses innit
that’s my hibbitijibbit
pop pop poppin out
respect my authoritah

[Hidden]
AwayWithWords (1) (@AwayWithWords) 8 years ago ago

All the things I wanted, i buried under your sun
What if no-one comes back to see what I’ve become?
What if there’s no ‘next-time’ to submit to
If we immersed into the stream?
I become you. You become me.
Without one name, who is it you perceive?
Shades of empty in a glass full of could-be’s
Or was everything empty when you look straight through me?
I await the return of one with no shadow
Every nightfall is now a nightmare to me
And you dissappear to make me seek
Forcing promises from shadows you made me see
I watch it valiantly break, and it’s bleak
My fantasy beating its fists on your reality
It’s here, be ready for what you’d be shown
I am up in your tree, looking down
It’s you who planted the seed, you wearing my crown
Court jester climbing endless vines
Like a dog, but I’ve no owner, and no home
Claiming guardianship for an audience of one, Preaching
While you listen to sermon through our wall
You’re why my skin grows cold, and you’re
The part of me that wakes up first, before
I wake into the lie of your warmth
Wake up, it’s time to wake up, cos
I’m sleeping in the trap you set
Dreaming of your shadow
It’s you, burning through my skin again
Signing my shadow away.

[Hidden]
AwayWithWords (1) (@AwayWithWords) 8 years ago ago

Where’s your still voice?
Which part of you speaks
When the rest of them ignore?
And what part of him
Made you open to coax
Dog of chaos
Riding on a war horse
Led you to your grave
Test tube love
Aborted by cause
There was nothing left to save
After you filled your poor gloves
You can’t walk away clean
Not like your father
Promise me that your promises
Aren’t just ether
Because, realise,
Both of us get raped inside your world
Where’s your still voice?
Who will speak to you
Tell you not to come here?
And what part of him
Made you open to coax
Dog of chaos
Riding on a war horse
Led you to your grave
He led us to our graves

[Hidden]
AwayWithWords (1) (@AwayWithWords) 8 years ago ago

I give out as much light as a firefly
A fly on the wall
wonder what’s it all for
Where does it go
It will not be missed
Could you remember
It will not be missed

Wherever it was you flew to
i won’t go
no i won’t
ill guard the walls right here now
ill guard all four
could you remember?
ill wait for your return

and you said i was mistaken
to shine on you all my light
you took my wings
you took my flight
well ill sit here waiting
the least i can do
is light up your night

I give out as much light as a firefly
A fly on the wall
wonder what’s it all for
Where does it go
It will not be missed
Could you remember?
the light’s all yours

[Hidden]
AwayWithWords (1) (@AwayWithWords) 8 years ago ago

All it might take is to open
All it could take is everything
Take everything away
If i need to merge
She would sever
Opposite wells beside a river we dont enter
When one sides full, it’s as if you boast
While on the other side they die of thirst
It’s too painful to relive it
But the memory belongs to me
Born in me
Well we’ve got all the answers,
And all the wisdom of a sinner
They cry over the other side
But you kill the good man,
When his truth hurts the most
If i need to merge
She needs to distance
It’s better this way, cos
When sun meets ocean
It’ll only make fumes
She’s got all the answers,
And all the wisdom of a sinner
I will not be free
Till i remove your chains
And till you remove your chains
I’d be chained to you

[Hidden]
load more