[Official] Share and discuss your amateur poetry and stories.
I recently wanted to challenge myself, so I decided to try my hand at poetry. Since I’ve written a few poems, I’ve really wanted to get some kind of feedback, I’m not sure if they suck or not. So I’m creating this discussion in the hopes people will share their amateur poetry and stories. Only constructive criticisms guys, not everyone is literary genius. I’ll share a poem, if you want to here another of mine, just ask.
An Explorers Ode to Earth
As I see her from afar,
I obtain an inkling of who we are,
Here I sit in this frigid waste,
As if running from her warm embrace,
Just as children must move from home,
Here we travel deep into the unknown.
Before the bleak eternal leap
the blackness speaks,
come in and sleep.
The seeping sorrow fills with heat
as time pervades a shallow beach
with sandy gusts of memories.
Lost at sea the sun sets red.
And water wisps the last of lights.
Be good be gone, the gasp of night.
The blackness frees the shackled light.
And time entails eternity.
A light bulb.
More than a bulb of light.
More than that glass sphere encompassing
that delicate thin thread of hot burning metal.
It is mankind, linking thoughts, ideas,
innovation with communication through a thin wire
glowing yellow and orange and red and white
as the current surges past the millions of molecules
sitting, waiting for the time
when the sun goes down
and the moon takes flight.
The thin braided coil burns hot and bright,
giving off energy and life and sight
on the restless cold and sleepless night.
The bulb of light emits a cold harsh loneliness
in that dark empty room as mankind
moves and swings and twirls.
The darkness flees from the lonely light
as it burns away into the dark
Bold be there in the dark cold night.
Bold be there when the geese take flight.
They flap their thin wings
they lift, they soar.
Their father’s feathers fill the earth below.
The still water broken and the big wolf cries.
The dark black fox
driven from his kind
– sleeping –
from the sound he hides.
Covered in white.
Covered in white.
He sleeps and dreams
but never snores.
Ever changing ever glow,
of the greens and browns
on the earth below.
Only white on the cold forest floor.
movement paralysis sheds light on thought analysis.
walls incoming so escape tragedy running.
load offensive with trusting.
realize an island in the sun is something.
the sand is in our hands, we walk on land that can befriend again. honey.
our souls are here to vacate loving, fronting is here to learn god is funny.
money is something, but we need loving, paper substitutes redundantly.
tree’s help us breathe.
me is who i leave, vulnerable with my heart on my sleeve.
control my environment, and safely sleep.
travel inter-dimensionally, weep empathetically, deal with shit readily.
alright. listen. live your life, children, chill the fuck out. it was written.
currency is a game, keep listening, stay glistening.
stay in your lane, is the mission, unconscious reigns through precise incisions. lethal injections through positive intentions; free mason work ethics.
free-thinking hecticly, learn this lesson trespassing freely.
illuminated guessing haunts my presence, deeply.
love is my sentence, a life of seeking, intuition, and feeding.
This is the first poem I have ever written, did it a couple months ago. Anyway I have a deep relationship with my savior but I have demons like everyone else. This was put on my heart. God bless and thank god for the herb.
When my heart becomes proud
I need to be humbled,
For sin feasts upon pride and my heart feels the rumble,
God fights for my soul
But i am unwilling,
My eyes blind I give in
The results unfulfilling
Now hard to face jesus, this feeling I hate
All traces of love left me, there is no escape
But jesus stays with me,
A love undeserved,
My prayer is for change,
For my mind to be cured
Jesus give me repentance and a heart that is true,
Make my life and my love an example, an example of you.
Prayer of a sinner
All my feelings are pure
and all my reactions are real
my heart knows how sweet is the cure
but that’s not how I feel
I can hear the beats in my ears
I want to get away from here
I can feel the eyes of others
Following, criticising and judging me
I can see the anger inside
It’s red, and it’s contained in a kitchen jar
I know something wants to be let out
But fear suppresses all of that which needs to be liberated
I’ve contracted a disease of the brain
It was a scientific result of my personality and the environment I was in
If you can understand this, and I don’t know that anybody really can
Then what you need to know is what I need, and that’s love, compassion and a great helping hand
Because, you see, I’ve given a lot to people I’ve loved
But when I fell to the ground, well, they were still around
But they couldn’t see me in my fallen state, people are so conditional
They kept wanting from me, and when I couldn’t give like before, they blamed me
You see, I moved to France 5 months ago, I arrived with my social anxiety
I wasn’t born with it, it’s just a consequence of my extreme sensitivity
And I haven’t yet taken a photo with the tower of Eiffel
But I will soon, not because I want to, but because it’s mandatory
The truth is, I love so much and I’m so grateful
I love that the earth is tilted on a perfect angle
And that innocence is observable in children and their mothers
And I wake up every morning, even if I didn’t want to
Because I know that I know nothing
And sometimes I just want out, I don’t see any sense in staying
But life, life knows much more than I ever will
And I feel so blessed and privileged to be able to be a part of it
I wish I could get to the heart of things
I know that I can’t, my faith is not what it used to be
But I just want you to know that I am not pretending
I’m painfully aware of all of my shortcomings
I can’t function anymore the way I once did
I woke up one morning and I couldn’t conprehend anything
If you told me 1+1=2, I wouldn’t ask only myself, but you as well
‘But what is 1? And How do you Know?’ it seemed, and still does, like the greatest mystery
People laughed at me and ridiculed me, they still do
I wish it didn’t continue to bother me but it’s not true
You see, when I was hurt a lot the first time, I became very hard
The heart closed, I refused to love, believe me when I tell you, I know what it means to live in the dark
So I refuse to allow the same thing to occur once more
I’ve seen the light, and I’ve seen my freedom, and no one can convince me that they aren’t real
But I’m afraid, I’m so afraid, that i’ll become hars again, and my heart will close
As a result of the way people treat me because of my lacking intellect and my shrunken capabilities
When the accident happened, it caused a great change
It broke down the iron gates and forced me to finally face
The one thing I tried to hide from myself, if I couldn’t see it, then it didn’t exist – that’s what I wanted to believe
My pain, my pain, and feel it, I did.
I felt love and pain, both at once
I was hurting deep inside, but I could see the beauty around
It was as though I was both at one and the same time
The intimate, internal self and the grandiosoty that is life
It’s been hard to feel that I matter since then
The depression that came soon after, no body could help me with
I went through it alone, and maybe I should be proud
But I think I cracked once more, carrying such a pain-laden heart
I’m trying to heal, I’m trying to be smart, I’m trying to be what I should
You can lose everything at once, but not the memory of it
You don’t forget the respect you once earned and the way you handled yourself
And each time you revisit the memory, you receive the pain of loss which comes with it once more
Felt like I was losing my sanity,
Felt like I was losing my mind
What’s the problem in losing it?
I wish I could just get by…
Without having to live in this hostile environment that is the world
A sick person who people think is healthy
That’s not a great hand to be dealt.
Wish me the best of luck, well, I don’t think it’ll make any difference
I was about to end this the way Hollywood ends its movies
With an optimistic, happy and resolved ending
But, who am I kidding here, I just gave you an insight into my personal world
Well, it’s time to move on, if you see me on the street, I’ll just let you know, I won’t turn you down.
Thought we had the world in our hands
Turned out it was only a pebble
Thought we were kings of the world
Turned out the king and the pawn end up in the same box
The world at our feet
The masters of our own destiny
We had been dealt winning hands
We failed to realize the game was rigged
We played for the small victories
Relishing each one
We reveled in our self-delusion
Better than to face the reality
We donned our masks
Played our parts; held up the facade
Thought it’d all be worth it
Condemed to be free
We faced death on our terms
And in it we found our victory
I recently started doing some poetry myself, I got the inspiration from Syd Barrett (my all time hero). I wrote a poem during my first psychedelic experience I’d like to represent (I wrote it in another language so this is a rough translation)
We are the biggest instrument of the forest
The wheels of the bicycles feels like a symphony of sorrow
Can the mad owls laugh
Can the cats sing?
The creatures of the forest come with eyes of molten silver
The liquid from my eyes turns to dust
The foundation of my dreams lies in the web of the spider
Can I get it?
We’re going on an adventure through a crooked road to the joy of childhood
Can the branch of my fear run to the street of space
It may sound wierd but then again so was the surcumstances, I’d like som constructive criticism
Staring at the moonlight
In the depths of my heart I yearn
Yearn for what once was
But what is now gone forever
The cold night time air
The reflection of my hidden emotions
Fire in the sky
My passion to be whole again. Perfection
Head in the clouds
Eyes closed In a world of fantasy
The stars ignite lighting a new way
The wind brings me home
I am happy again
Surrounded by the golden warmth of love
Seeping into the cracks of broken memories, making me whole again
Hoping this lasts for an eternity
Waking up from a dream
I Stare into the moonlight
In the depths of my heart I yearn
Yearn for what once was
But what is now gone forever…
@odaracreations, That was beautiful.
Am I awake? Is this moment real?
Here a thousand times before, and no totem to feel
Drawing you near, pulling your beauty ever closer
A thirst never quenched, the passion of my desire.
Our hearts beat as one, your breath heavy upon me
you flutter at my touch, exstacy roaming free.
It must be real, for I have never known the like
It must be real, for I would die if deprived.
As it drew my eyes, I saw, and felt, the gun shiver, as if with excitement. It was… jubilant. It reveled in the fact that I could not tear away my gaze, that when I merely imagined holding it, I could feel the weight, the satisfaction of power that only having control could bring. I *wanted* to be used by it, knowing that something that malevolent could never subjugate itself to any entity. As I imagined walking over and letting it take over I found that I was already in movement. It didn’t matter, what ever reason I had to come here. It itched at the top of my spine, my reason, my will. But the notion of Power held them at bay. I was at the glass encased pedestal. This thin, transparent interruption could not stop me. With the force of an idea stronger than any man, the glass shattered, and I felt blood caress my knuckles. My own well being did not matter as long as I could hear the now fully manifested whispers of It in my head. I had only one purpose now, to feed the long hungering PPK. “It has been so long” It crooned. As I looked down upon It and wondered at it’s infinite beauty. “End my hunger.” This time, it was louder and the tingling at my spine grew to a roar. This time, with none of its former seductiveness but with unmeasurable conviction, it screamed at me, “DO IT!”. Understanding now my true purpose, I quickly pulled It to my head, and ended It’s long prolonged suffering.
so much beautiful work on here, thank you for all for keeping me entertained for the evening, heres one in return
eyes littered with the stuff of space,
iris enveloped with cosmic junk,
And shards of starry ice freeze lashes together.
The magnetic disturbance of your hips
burns sunspots on my palms
Distant savage suns turn comets to salted oceans.
Tickle your cheeks like feathers
Red dust settles over your lips
Electrons swim across your nails
Gravitate through my skin
your spicule fueled aurora
Watching your veins pulse
The nebulas aftermath
Blackout. Your leftover face.
The skies wont forget you
@768eggs, my bestfriend has been bed ridden and suicidal for about a year. Everybody he was friends with ditched him when he stopped going to school. I wrote this to help him know that I understand what he going through at least at some level
This is a poem I wrote to summarize a 6 week study where we meditated, did yoga, pilates, and ate healthy for 6 weeks straight:
Curiosity led me here, motivation to cultivate awareness and phase out fear. What are you doing this summer, the question posed..the possibilities for improvement kept me on my toes.
Prior to this experience, mindfulness was a mystical phrase, something to do with consciousness usually taught by a mystical sage. An enigmatic concept, I tried to catch it through a gaze and a lumbar curve; thoughts naturally arose that were absurd..”what is that on the roof, a bird?!”
Anchored to my breath, we developed a beautiful relationship and sailed through the endless abyss; instead of bored despair counting exhalations of hot air, an infinite source of light and wisdom arose from the stillness.
The free creative state, hard to stop it from wandering like a child who loves to contemplate, taming the pleasure seeking mind and gently guiding it away from temporary sensation; the narrator in my head refusing to let go with righteous indignation.
They say practice makes perfect, so the hitting of a gong signaled our return to this place of worship. The sound rich in tone, reminding us to let the murky water settle as we put away our phones.
At first it was hard to relax, but as we sat on our blue yoga mats, complex emotions became more like objective facts. Not indifferent however, just better able to control the weather, mind tethered to a strong mast, adeptly navigating waves of future and past.
Many times, I felt tired and restless, but luckily antidotes of contentment and compassion were my insurance and investments.
Worry of the rat race that awaits my fate in the near future loomed frequently. No need. Running on the hedonic treadmill is like a mouse navigating an endless maze with no cheese. Always looking forward to the next thing to crave, you’ll be left wondering why you didn’t find joy today. No pain sharper exists than the mind that naggingly insists like a background hiss-you miss the point and feel the pain of the knife, attachment to having a handle on life by accumulating wealth and a trophy husband or wife, but this path only leads to strife.
Keeping up with the neighbors wont save ya, we’re deep enough to know ourselves-now that’s major.
Although the present might not always present itself as a gift, you’ll be centered as long as you can find your anchor and transverses abdominals. The best in life is yet to come, so treat yourself to a little com-pas-sion, and
throw in some random acts of kindness. – These values are timeless and act as a guiding light through the blindness.
Every moment counts with a cause and an effect; you never know where our lives might intersect. Trust your breath and don’t be afraid to take a chance, enjoy life like it’s just one big dance.
shock and tame like a tasers patience
row up stream on visionary estimations
the treasure at the end of my destination
is my rightful place amongst constellations
shed allegations through meditation
secure foundation of genetic mutation
elevate vibration, illustrate affiliation
incomplete sentences like illiterate sophistication
rhyme multiplication, soulful preoccupation
down low like surplus crystallization
up high like dimethyltriptamine interpretation
once an addict always an addict you cant change the addict only I can, I am I. I will build my own wings to fly if i have the ability to soar so high so high.. I WILL. against anyones will. I will lie in the face of god. i cant really even fathom commin down cuz i got my next hit lined up, fight music next in the line up, got my next friend sized up to use abuse love hate and obliterate everything they think, im about to sink, on the brink of fiending, never leaving, crystals on the floor, paranoid to the core, give em tail to get what i need to not fail. im on the cliff so tall, but im teetering, showing my glow to feed my inner helplessness, so persuasive with joinin teams, signing benefits, money for dick sucking lips, pipe dream vacation for love tip’s, track marks on my arm’s but those are just old scar’s from childhood parks, is what they say, lets just have fun and play, hey call that guy to get that yay, its a heaven sent hay day, rays of sunshine in my smile today, until money runs out, on to the next one no doubt.
i hate thinking, but i don’t drink, i don’t smoke, i just lie. in bed, all day, no pay, just to relay thoughts, not getting out any other way, so late to whatever i need, procrastination and good deeds, hehe, im a wolf, in sheeps clothing, evade the bro kings don’t act out loathing, while thinking how to grow things, its a new year, but the same old shit will bother you that wont change in your ear’s. listen to the lies that keep bringing fear, of what ever it will take to change, just listen to your inner not give a fuck and gain, take your self out of a situation that will break you in the end. be your own friend. initiate the end. learn to love again.
in one moment. breathing will taken away, seething further and further from today. lively ocean’s of sacred omen’s will allow judgement of the chosen to open memories, repeat how scars were caused and then listen closely to your choice of remedy. what has caused pain is not needed for heavenly, how you dealt with gain is what the doors will allow them to see.
achieve sanctity, transcendent empathy.
can we control our true power? is the flower of life pattern.
some times i need to just feel like i don’t fucking care
walk out side my place wearing a ripped sweater to layer
coldness caging me out of all care, smoking a cigarette just to breathe fresh air
listening to my walls too often, numbed my self to all to often
life hits a tbone, trip and fall, down a few flights of stairs
cop an eighth, forget about my thinking thats impaired
create a drone, giving a blank stare
angel wing innocence caught in crossfire isn’t rare
counting my cash created in evil lair’s
american’s at war, don’t even know until later
we represent hater’s
united states of were ruthless killing machines but thats verbatim
of language children use when we bomb homes they stay in
blood diamond vacation
spend more money in one day then a few years for a family of haitians
caffeinated to lose patience
create our own little world to exclude international relations
influenced by a market willing to sell their soul preparations
the devil is alive and well signing checks from hell,
temptations, a thriving industry of mind controlled stations
systematically preying on un-educated patient’s through evil methods of sensation
modern slavery is so-called western civilization