[Official] Share and discuss your amateur poetry and stories.
I recently wanted to challenge myself, so I decided to try my hand at poetry. Since I’ve written a few poems, I’ve really wanted to get some kind of feedback, I’m not sure if they suck or not. So I’m creating this discussion in the hopes people will share their amateur poetry and stories. Only constructive criticisms guys, not everyone is literary genius. I’ll share a poem, if you want to here another of mine, just ask.
An Explorers Ode to Earth
As I see her from afar,
I obtain an inkling of who we are,
Here I sit in this frigid waste,
As if running from her warm embrace,
Just as children must move from home,
Here we travel deep into the unknown.
How do you stay so crunchy and pure?
2D plane of the vegetable domain
Legendary staple or Irish Lore
Raised on farmlands so great and far
Technology has brought you to me
A taste which makes man sing like a bard
Prize of the sun, pearl of the rain
With untouchable crisp and crunch
You need not be jealous of wavy grains
And now my eyes grow wide; it’s true!
A chip to wed and and share my bed!
…Nevermind, I eat you
Deep down, into the deep
Where the roots of the trees
Meet your soul
And you know it
Outside, you’re a figure of your grief
And you are hungry without reason
And still you eat
And still you eat
Empty, full of nothing, really
You scream out for mother
She don’t see you
And you don’t see her
Honestly, trying to lie honestly
Fooling him, her, you
You fly high
You’ve settle there
You Love it there
When will I see you again?
I’ll write one right now.
The leaf blossoms out of the branch.
It feels the air and the smell of the ranch.
The weather changes and so does the leaf.
We are one in the same, is what it does think.
Autumn comes and the leaf begins to fall.
Fall it does but here comes a call.
A breeze, the wind, and so he floats along.
His brothers come too and dance to the song.
Children laugh below as they dance and bend.
Little did they know, their dance will come to an end.
Back to the ground, from where they once came.
And so I look at you, the reader, we and the leaf are one in the same.
Wrote this after a heavy night 1,5 years ago..
Found what you really were looking for
Beyond what you thought you were seeing,
while crossing the same river seven times
Self-inflicted victimization laughs
at your product qualities
Through sinful caresses
Devious radar found formations of neon
And the image you used to worship
screams with victorious contempt
There is no sin
A sole moment of torture, as
You’re injected by pure reality
Everything we know is wrong
Sort out this major rupture
Rearrange your mind’s furnishings
Beware of transportational wounds
Ridiculed and pathetic
Enlightened and free
Now gasping for wakening air
No more assumptions
All masks dropped to the ground
This is probably my favourite I’ve written: http://seepointshoot.com/poem-a-moment-time/
Ive never really spent more than 15 minutes on one but I fee like I’ll start getting into it more soon. Definitely enjoy it and its cool to see so many posts here.
I’ll post a quick one:
What is love
Who can say
Left at bay
Sail from shore
Why should egos
Get to drift
When truths are left
Their tangled signs
Both are doomed
Brings peaceful moods
Whats really best
Follow the wise
Who sing like doves
About the questions
Not preachings of
Answers should never
Like what is love?
Watch and share as it grows.
Did the cat die in vain?
Lines and cues, limpid shows
The stage does not contain,
Until you can impose
A stone’s bleeding pain.
Stalls unburden in rows.
I have painted the saints,
Saints simplify and taint.
I know the pain,
O king of Thebes,
Thrown from ignorance,
Her soothing breast.
And I know the pain,
O king of thieves,
Shunned from reverence,
Cast among the rest.
What have you to gain,
As the martyr leaves,
Laughing with high stance,
For to press and to test.
Shadows thrown all along the streets,
That know the darkness of your soul,
Pierced to stone by burning heat.
Is that the flaming of your mould?
I have painted the faces that I greet,
Now this picture has taken hold
Of the names on some looming sheet.
@chekovchameleon, Amazing ECF! You have true power with words. Here is mine.
Love makes song.
Sun heavy music,
bright and gone,
waiting for more.
Violin, stinging ice,
eyes bold, stepping
to new door. Open
jarred, jaw drops,
air rushes, light falls,
force, breathing heart
beats with glowing
filling a space, blue.
think about you.
tell me how.
Staring through stars,
mayhem beliefs, love
creates all, singing
till the end, smiling,
a bright sky.
Thanks everyone, I haven’t read them yet, but I already love it.
Ill make time to read all of them and maybe and some stuff again for myself :)
Cyclical tunnel vision personal fit I’m get with it
Prescription medicine is delectable, sick as hell
Drone arm is my perceptible collection
Fiscal secular confessions my adolescence
Sessions of boy meets priest defeat
ANY SORT OF breach through the meaning
Right now I’m seething
Wait. no.. that’s just breathing
I’m one of the team and you’re one of the teaming
Sit down for the practice captain
That Has-Been has a few magics to imagine
Fathom that shit rounded
Sound-offness, that’s awesome.
Flossed as hell, kid.
Legit as a living thing
What the fuck else are you bringing to men
Shut the fuck up and listen
Ending cut, fuck.
Proprietary strut, get sucked into oblivion – the living sin that i’m living in.
Thin artillery, ying thing, off the nang when I recognize yang.
Sang it til it rang when I’m off on my illegitimate game bang.
Now you go.
@danfontaine, First poetry ever
Im must be from another land
the one where man was created
We have evolved from simple creatures
Learned so much through the years
It was once a plentiful land
Where you lend someone a hand
Full of resources for everyone
Not just for one man
Room for adventure
Room for movement
Room for creativity
Now we allow big government
People think for us, what of it
Who is it we trust
How do we better ourselves
Stop worshiping celebs
Live for nature
Is it too late?
@adamsmith, You have a point. Guess I’m more interested in the poetry than the message. There is depth of meaning between the lines, however; it is a matter of patience to comprehend what it is I am trying to say. I find it impossible to go off on tangents that I do not mean – I work with abstraction to deliver my message, otherwise I feel like a nihilist trying to tell you how the world works. I just hint at things.