[Official] Share and discuss your amateur poetry and stories.

 Anonymous (@)8 years, 11 months ago

I recently wanted to challenge myself, so I decided to try my hand at poetry. Since I’ve written a few poems, I’ve really wanted to get some kind of feedback, I’m not sure if they suck or not. So I’m creating this discussion in the hopes people will share their amateur poetry and stories. Only constructive criticisms guys, not everyone is literary genius. I’ll share a poem, if you want to here another of mine, just ask.

An Explorers Ode to Earth

As I see her from afar,
I obtain an inkling of who we are,
Here I sit in this frigid waste,
As if running from her warm embrace,
Just as children must move from home,
Here we travel deep into the unknown.

By- imhotep

June 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Jack M (12) (@jackpunch) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

@trek79, Thanks! I was looking for a specific thread, but couldn’t find it :P

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Jack M (12) (@jackpunch) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

@psychotrevor, Thank you! I will! :)

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Ray Butler (1,423)M (@trek79) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

@jackpunch, It’s fine, just being an official thread it should be more likely to attract more readers, therefore you will get more exposure. There are a couple of official threads and we would like to have more for this reason, that and it cuts down on the ammount of posts being created, I don’t know the technical reasons for that but I presume it has something to do with strain on the servers or something like that.

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Alex (141)M (@alexishungry) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

@jackpunch, @trek79, Your topic is now merged with the official poetry one.

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Brandon Phillips (142) (@brandonphillips) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

I’m not sure how I feel about most of my poetry. It tends to give a panicy chaotic feeling. But here’s something.

Well being, manifest unto me.
I who have hung by the roots of trees.
Tighten your grip.
Feed your dependence on nature.
One slip and air waves become a cloak of disgrace.
Sink your nails into the wood that is future burial home.
Every inch of resistance is another nail in the coffin.
Will you put hands together in prayer or pull upward?
It’s a hopeless attempt soon forgotten.
Cognitive dissonance eludes its natural state.
The purpose of the purge reflects a sylphs intention to take.
Our ground is collapsing.
Firmished concrete holds dirt to stone.
Human rights are rightly exposed.
Dispose of a force unreliable and weathered to failure.
Next stops dimentia proves a cycle of neverending negligence.
First stones throw misses the bird.
Timing is pointless in a world of absurd.
The arrow bends to form its diameter.
Growing farther it takes another.
Connectly tightly start to finish.
In the whole universe nothing is diminished.

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Jack M (12) (@jackpunch) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

@taysand, Thanks, TaySand :)

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Darko (3) (@kodo) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

Will we stay long enough to witness the end?
Will we see far enough to see around the bend?
Will we dare turn around to see our footsteps fade?
Will we be smart enough to live another day?

Keep your fingers crossed and hope that brainiacs will find our way out
When you see them you make fun of them and be sure to shout
Cause everyone should know what this old physics geek is about
That’s right, you saved the world, but now you’re boring so just get out

I’ve got a bigger gun than yours so my beliefs must be right
I don’t know which one to pick, Coca-cola or Sprite
Atheism isn’t in, so which religion do i choose
The one with the best benefits, what have I got to lose?

Hey, kid, respect me, I’ve got more life experience than you
No, grandpa, sorry, but I have got bigger IQ
What do our parents know? We’re young, so we must be smart
Let’s go and have fun till our superbrains fall apart

I wanna see some blood and gore and a brain on a floor splattered
Whose it is I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter
I wanna have what i want and I want it now
I don’t care where are you getting it and I don’t care how

Hey, this is new and advertised, it must be better than old one
Why should I have a silver watch when it could be golden
Don’t read the small text dude it will hurt your eyes
Don’t bother searching for the truth, it takes too long to realize

Doctor, my kid is dead, I’m depressed, help me, please
I’m sorry, young man, but depression is a disease
Don’t worry, this new medicine will make you all right
And you’ll be getting your treatment bill tonight

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Mr. Arbiter (86) (@snaysler) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

Are we feeling blue,
when this world isn’t true?
Searching solemn skies,
for such pleasant lies,
’till not but a husk,
we drift into dusk

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Kristi (0) (@kamh5891) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

I don’t typically like to title my poems. I wrote this up as a vision for my ideal world. A place I can imagine would be like an afterlife. A place of peace, love acceptance. No rush. Not time limits. No judgements. Just us and our ability to be open and free. Feel free to tell me what you think!

No losers
No winners
No Saints and no Sinners
Just infinite souls
Floating among one another
Wandering,
Loving,
Hoping,
Accepting,
Trying to figure out
What all of this is about.
No Struggle
No Fame
No higher power to blame
Just men and women
with the power to listen,
love,
accept,
embracing one another
with love as our cover.
We cannot give up
but stand up
claim our right to be free
to be open,
to accept,
to see.
Open our eyes
and our hearts even more
embrace one another
because love is in store.
With open,
beating hearts
the drum line of our souls will align
and in matchless harmony
We will all be just fine.

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Alex (141)M (@alexishungry) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

@kamh5891, I’ve merged your poem with the official poetry thread. In the future please post your poems/short stories/etc. in this discussion. Thanks for understanding!

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love*light (228) (@makara) 8 years, 4 months ago ago

listen to this while reading!

What will you do when your mind breaks?
Will you then be awake?

Will you hear the universe vibrating?
I heard it years ago, but you don’t want to know.

Will your heart burst and eyes empty?

Will the saline I have tasted more than once, turn sweet?

With your nails short of the fingers that stretch out from your hands, will you begin to touch and feel?

Will you taste each bite during every meal?

When you open your mouth to kiss and speak,
will the love from within begin to leak?

Your bones are as hard as your heart,
will your structure begin to part?

And unfold like a book,
ready to be read?
With pages upon pages of the stories,
held so neatly inside your head.

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Nícolas Gonçalves (3) (@nycknyck) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

This is my best poem! I hope you enjoy \o it calls “Refuge in Ink” :

Oxidated my scythe.
Too calm now.
There is no more grace in heaven,
even though it exhibites casting Aurora
shimmering, dancing, free,
Into me is still
perceptible the vacuum of spirit.
An immense dark abyss.
Gateway to Gods and Giants.

Desperately, I extract from my veins
each last drop of ink remaining,
for compensate, for discount,
so than each drop,
merely copies of the immeasurable divine essence of a being,
rise me through the most distant frontiers of the universe,
where the nature becomes abstract
and the abstract becomes natural;
so that my soul would be able,
anew, to have voice,
to have life.

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Anonymous (2,833) (@) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Across the field, I see a fool – he’s running ever so funny
I imagine it, a picture in my head, as if he were a silly bunny
His legs are thin, his face a huge grin – he’s got on a hat of wild
As he prances and as he bounces, he seems not a fool, but a fairly quick child
I still sit – under my tree, and be watching the grass grow
And as it does, and as I giggle, I seem to sense his flow
He approaches, but does not talk, but rather laughs a little
A chuckle escapes and I stand awake and question him with a riddle:

“You sir fairy, so agile and airy what is it that you do?
I see you here and I see you there, but never asked to you.
You seem so pleased and seem so happy, what is it that you keep?
I wish to see, I wish to smell that secret within you deep.
I sit here too, under the blue, thinking of the day,
but in a way, I wish I could, but never can I stay.
So what is it mister? Exactly exactly what is it that you do?”

His giggle was simple and quick to me
And he pointed to his nose “Can’t you see?”

He did a jump and spin, his leather shoes a-flop
A little hand motion and then a whole body drop
He sat on the grass that was growing.

“I hear the breeze and I feel its tease
Right on my frontside and back
I swing from the branches and play in the trees
Until I tire and sleep
I sit on the rocks, and care never for clocks
As they just tell you how much time you have left
I think never of tommorrow, That will only bring sorrow
This is true for all
Think only today, as tommorrow never to stays
I hope you can see this for sure
The now is forever and you will see this
Because it’s not only bliss, it’s nature’s sweet kiss –
Let it be known to you
So now you see? It’s not just me
It’s how you think of today.”

I woke from my dream to see a new scene
And now I can see the day.
I wonder of now, and just exactly how
That little man got that way.
I will visit him again, a little now, a little then
But finally, I see the day.

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garret99 (6) (@garret99) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

In my mind, I see your eyes, shining bright like fireflies, against the dark and cloudy skies. Into their depths I see you there, a soul to fair for me to dare. Without my eyes now do I gaze, at more than just another guise, beneath which real verity lays. There I see beneath it all, what i seek from one through all, you.

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kayaniv (0) (@kayaniv) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

I am not a native English speaker or writer.I have been writing short stories for sometime now but I have realized that there isn’t much of a reading culture at the place I come from.I have started translating my writings to English of late.And I would appreciate some honest opinion and criticism for the same http://existentialsatire.blogspot.in/2012/11/the-conformation.html.

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Tyler (13) (@infrarecon) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Tell me a story
I want to know what you’ve seen
tell me about how you’ve arrived here and now,
Where you once were and what happened between
Ask me a question
On any matter
Nothing, in fact, would make me gladder
What sort of topics float through your mind?
Perhaps I have answers that could help you find
whatever it is that we both know you seek
What motivates us week after week
I speak, of course, thusly, of what lies behind
The ocean of thought
The solitary mind
That which drives men to kill
and hides in the illusion of free will
Some speak as if it were a fraud
But whatever motivates you,
There lies your god

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

I just came along this piece of poetry I wrote when I was 14.

You never know when someone
might bright your view.
You never know when someone
might change your life.
You never know when someone
might catch a dream for you.

And you never know if something
you say or do may open up the windows
of a mind that seeks light and happiness;
the way you live may not matter at all,
the way you live may not have any meaning
but you never know, it might.

And just in case it could be
that another’s life, through you,
might possibly change for the better
with a much brighter life-view
might possibly change for the better
with a life-changing movement

It seems it might be worth a try
at pointing the way to the right;
It seems it might be worth a try
at lighting up another’s life;
Of course, it may not matter at all,
but then again, it might.

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E.C.F. Doyle (346) (@chekovchameleon) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Schooldays

“Sit down now children, close the door
And leave your minds, moor your souls,
I give you numbers. Break and bend
Your hearts to my piping tune.”

A disturbance from behind,
(They will talk of some frivolous distress
And they shall digress some trivial digression),
It is always there,
Prehaps for treatment, mild,
Born out of some envy
Of the wayward skies.

It is there now,
In a hundred darkened rooms.
A transparent blackness,
Some visibly invisible thing.

And now, a lamplight,
The hands of Athena?

Hands, unconstituted by rocks nor dirt,
The matter from which they came,
But the hands of Kalypso,
By her darkened heart did not wish to set you free.

But suffer on, linger furthermore,
A heavy head and heavy heart,
Weighed by your journey’s harrowing roads.
“Speak more! Think more! Be more!”

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Phate (5) (@phate) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Here I sit with my heart broken in two, with all the ever-constant reminders of you. The love, games, and memories we shared, nothing but tiny fragments of something that can’t be repaired. So what to do.
Now that your gone, do I find someone else, is it time to move on? Or do I sit with my heart broken in two, contimplating all the reason my life, this mess just won’t do. Maybe I should give it up, call it quits, live this live to be found dead in a ditch. To still have this life of repitivity after all I’ve done to change me, drives me crazy. It tears me up. Makes me want to grab the knife and cut. But I can’t to do that, people will hate me. Think I’m insane and just leave me. So am I destined to always be depressed or am I really like all the rest, just dealin with it in the worst way. Ok then give me and Idea some thing to change .maybe I should pray. Or maybe you should walk away instead of trying help someone in so much pain. Then I can sit here and rot away, no one will notice no one will care. Sorry this is dementing but it’s alot to bear.hard to breathe hate to sleep I don’t want this life I have to keep.

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Benny The Poet (2) (@officialbl7) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

As I look at the beautiful stars in the sky,
I sit down in deep thought beginning with why
how where when ending with what.
I’m so confused like I’m give up.

So then i take a clean look at the man in the mirror
and see things much clearer
life is just an inner reflection
what they see and hear is how they fear you

always been a prince never a king
like Machiavelli i stay proper but still live amorally
been hit by some Ali punches in the ring
being black they tried to change my outlook, but it has not changed a dam thing

-Sincerely,

B.L.

http://www.facebook.com/bennylayton9

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E.C.F. Doyle (346) (@chekovchameleon) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Genius; they say it’s a fine line
Men that wander into the wilderness
Walk, speaking with fire.

There are questions
And no answers.
Fools are certain,
Yet madmen only know
Themselves.

At night,
The road is always dark,
Thumbs outstretched and pointing.
To what?
Upwards, to heaven.
Hope is there that
They may hitch, with certainty,
To brighter, clearer paths.

The lost highways are lined
With hopeful thumbs also.
But there are no drivers willing
And no passengers able.
Genius knows no destinations.

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Omniscient Zephyr (0) (@orion777) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Read quite a few of the stories & poems that people are sharing on here & I would like to voice my own~
_______________________

Would you?
_______________________

Would you relinquish all that you love for wealth & fame?

Or succumb to the life of nothing & die with no name?

Would you leave behind all that you know for a higher calling?

Or submit to your doubts & continue on falling?

Would you seize the opportunity without a hesitation?

Or forever be chained by constant aberration?

Would you sacrifice the very essence of who you are?

A deal made with destiny & the reverse star

Would you be able to willingly forfeit your soul?

The very spirit which makes you whole?

Would you do this knowing you could not turn back?

All that’s left is to wait for the engulfing black

Would you accept this offer and condemn yourself?

Or reject it and remain the same like everyone else?

_______________________

~ Enjoy, I’ll post another some time later on.

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Jack M (12) (@jackpunch) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

The Rescue:

I fought you and died
I thought that I would be fine
Can’t help but think of the time
You sat beside me and cried

It’s gotten easier now
They don’t know how I know how
Seemingly easy
Then wiped the blood from his brow

And when I’ve got her so close to me
I can’t move I can’t begin to speak

I’ve shed my shell
Though one can hardly tell
Vulnerability threw me
Back in the well

I think I hear something
Right next beside me
I know I fear something
Something inside me

This mindset is cloudy
I must admit I’m not well
I can tell this one is gunna hurt
Got me caught up in a spell

I felt so bad afterward
I just couldn’t go after her
Left and got stronger
From when I felt like a massacre

It’s gotten easier now
Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell
The least of your worries
Are how I climbed up from Hell

And when the leaves on the trees
Begin to change
I’ll have to fight once again
To keep my name

I won’t be easy to take
So make no mistake
When they fall
This whole place will quake

I think I hear something
Right next beside me
I know I fear something
Something inside me

This mindset is cloudy
I must admit I’m not well
I can tell this one is gunna hurt
She’s got me caught up in her spell

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Jack M (12) (@jackpunch) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@garret99, That was great, Garret! I really enjoyed reading that!

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garret99 (6) (@garret99) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@jackpunch, Thanks !, I was reading the thread when i decided to write one so i figured id post it :P

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