[Official] Share and discuss your amateur poetry and stories.

 Anonymous (@)8 years, 11 months ago

I recently wanted to challenge myself, so I decided to try my hand at poetry. Since I’ve written a few poems, I’ve really wanted to get some kind of feedback, I’m not sure if they suck or not. So I’m creating this discussion in the hopes people will share their amateur poetry and stories. Only constructive criticisms guys, not everyone is literary genius. I’ll share a poem, if you want to here another of mine, just ask.

An Explorers Ode to Earth

As I see her from afar,
I obtain an inkling of who we are,
Here I sit in this frigid waste,
As if running from her warm embrace,
Just as children must move from home,
Here we travel deep into the unknown.

By- imhotep

June 2, 2012 at 3:41 pm
garret99 (6) (@garret99) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

A Friendly Game of Roulette
The man looked softly across the table, mustering all the conviction he was able. Around him sat the last three friends’s with whom he felt, he had time to spend. With shaky hands he grasped the empty glass, his friend whose loneliness he soon would mend. Without trepidation he loaded the gun, a friend who played games for more than fun. Next he poured his best friend whisky into the glass, a combination which was always welcome. With those two friends put to bed, he raised the gun up to his head. All that was left was for his friend to decide, was when and if the game would end.

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cbacasmalls (0) (@cbacasmalls) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

I tried to put some structure and rigor into some of my poetry; Tried my hand at a Shakespearean Sonnet:

What do you want to be when you grow old?
Wouldn’t you like to change the world someday?
I think we have all heard these sayings told,
At some point, as our lives go underway.

In few months time the world becomes our stage
We’ll stride across the graduation floor
We would have finally come to the age
Where now our actions count for even more

Our hard work thus far, will be salvation
In college years, full of uncertainty.
But fret not! Merely, keep from temptation
And follow your dreams towards vitality!

We are the collective of our past deeds,
And all our futures hinge upon these creeds

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Anonymous (24) (@) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

love it :)

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blake (28) (@onewithyomoma) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@flightfacilities, thanks i just wrote it=) sometimes i try to write things and put them on here before i have a chance to criticize myself and hope people like it

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Anonymous (24) (@) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@onewithyomoma, it perfectly describes the way i’ve been feeling for the past few weeks

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blake (28) (@onewithyomoma) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@flightfacilities, wow its pretty cool to know ive connected with someone =) if you want inbox me and we can talk about it

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seahlontay (2) (@slont) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@onewithyomoma, I feels your words…although somewhat ashamedly. The situation you depict is one I think I have been in for years now.
I have a love/hate mentality towards those who blindly commit to a single minded path in life because I myself am tormented by an inability to do so. Alas, your poem resonates with me.
Thanks :)

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seraphina (3) (@sarahpine100) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

If only I could write like you. It’s stirring and beautiful. :)

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blake (28) (@onewithyomoma) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@sarahpine100, well thank you =)

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Alex (141)M (@alexishungry) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@onewithyomoma, Nice, I like it. (By the way please post poetry in the official topic in the future. I’m merging this topic with the official one.)

[Official] Share and discuss your amateur poetry and stories.

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blake (28) (@onewithyomoma) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

you’re stuck in a world of black and white
you haven’t realized that you dont see with your eyes
these people who say they can see are all blind
but im waiting on the other side
where you cant trust your eyes
but your mind never lies
so come with me and lay back
watch your world melt into black
die in a thousand pieces
on a path is where you’ll come back again
dont stop walking until the end
where the colors seep back in
and everything is real again

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Hannah (18) (@born2tap) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

there was nothing around me.
nothing above me, nothing below.
nothing strode beside me as i made my way nowhere.
nothing made a noise; not the wind, not my heartbeat, nor the steps i didn’t take.
i felt nothing.
but then there was Nothing.
Nothing ran between my toes, through my hair, engulfing me in Itself.
It filled my ears with beautiful Silence as Nothing came to mind.
i smelled Nothing
tasted sweet Nothing
indulged myself in pure Nothingness
for It had become the purest Something in Itself.

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Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

This is a song I wrote.

Fairy dust oh fairy lust
fairy tales oh fairies fail

What is this feeling pinning my throat
swallowed a problem, now I cant float

Falling backwards against a wave
I never get the flow
but I’m always brave
something lost and unknown
cant just be let go

Fairy dust oh fairy lust
fairytales oh fairy fails
fairy dust oh fairies just
fairy tales oh fairy fails

All around me empty air
Rigid hands grasping my hair
Noises of unconscious blare
never learned how not to care

who what where is the answer
I would if I could but I can’t sir
In my mind I am enough alone
If I could find the compass to call my own

Fairies are pretty but fairies are small
I dont have the passion to answer the call
fairies are sweet but fairies are dull
do i have the passion to answer the call
fairies can be thrown up against the wall
i dont think i want to be a fairy at all
i dont think I want to be a fairy at all

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Mary (4) (@mermaidlove) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Im not a poet by any means, but I have to do poetry for a class Im in so I was wondering what you guys think about this!! Any advice or suggestions?:)

No fear.
No anxiety.

That’ll only take you to a dark side
They told me to stay away from that
That nothing good comes from there

Skepticism runs through my mind

Curiosity runs faster.

Vibrations bolts from my toes to my eyes
Furniture bends and hums with me

I am everything.
Gravity has diminished.

The lifeline on my hand is now a river, leading to what once was a comforter
An ocean now
Waves of color flow from a fan
I floated away looking for the water

Our marble eyeballs stared as we tasted music and watched sound cascade from the speakers

Sense itself was gone.

Egos are broken down and killed
The soul still remains

We are not meaningless
Just at peace with the surroundings

Curiosity doesn’t always lead to trouble, does it Alice?

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AndSoTheySay (2) (@jalenx) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

“The lifeline on my hand is now a river, leading to what once was a comforter
An ocean now
Waves of color flow from a fan
I floated away looking for the water”
Sorry don’t have any advice or suggestions, but I love that part! :)

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Mary (4) (@mermaidlove) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@jalenx, thank you!

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Alex (141)M (@alexishungry) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@mermaidlove, I’ve merged your topic with the official poetry topic. No worries but in the future please post poems here, please!

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Leah (3) (@leah) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

That wonders day to day
Down many of life’s avenue
Long, narrow, wide, straight
In tatters, rags & old shoes
Looking, searching for a bed
Or a dime, penny to get bye
And a place to call his own
& lay his weary body down
Where he decides & ends up

So when you see god
Just don’t pass him bye
Snickering to yourself
Start a convo & say hello

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Luigi (1,453) (@luigiblue) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Love it….

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imnotgina (0) (@ginagliotti) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Love this, very nice.

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Alex (141)M (@alexishungry) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@leah, A lot of poem topics get created, so we have this official one to keep them all organized. I’ve merged your topic with this one. No worries, but in the future please post poems here.

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olly (2) (@oli4kpio) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Ripped and torn, we stand
To defend, what’s left
In fighting stance
No room to relax

Tired of fighting, as struck
By lightning, we can’t
Seem to battle anymore
The door, opened for
Peace and hope and
Still we trip, tighten
Our grip, affraid
Tot slip, into
Nothing at all

We see, so slow
And start, to let go
We’ll focus on love, and
What we can give
We know how to live
Forgive, forgive

So to al, please forgive us
For the pain that has driven us
Insane, the love in vain
And we’ll forgive all, for playing
Their parts, and open
Our hearts
Today
Allways

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Jack M (12) (@jackpunch) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

– I Won’t Need You Tonight –

I won’t need you tonight
As long as I see you before I go
And if you hold me so tight
I may never, ever let you go

But should I be a little
Clearer still?
I need you right now
I need you today
I need you somehow
If only I could find the words to say

Baby, when I tell you that I love you
Come ‘nd hold me ’cause you know it’s true
I don’t want anyone else but you
I don’t need anything else but you

And when we touch I’m pretty sure I lose my shit
It’s just I’ve never been one to quit
So when we’re holdin’ hands I must admit
I have only you on my mind
– all the time
Baby, when I’m not with you I’m crazy

And now I have you
Right where I want you
So come get near me
Like I know you want to

And when I’m right
Can you guess what I just might do
Something like…
Running my hands up and down you

I’ve thought this all through
And I’m still coming after you
Shake, shake my heartache away
Just like you always used to do

Because, baby. When I tell you that I love you
I don’t think you even have a clue
That I don’t want anyone else but you
That I don’t need anything else but you

And when we touch I’m pretty sure I lose my shit
You know I’ve always worn a shoe that fits
So when we’re holding hands I must admit
I have you and I on my mind, all the time
Baby, when I’m not with you I’m crazy!
Crazy in love

And so I have you
Just where I want you
Now come get close and listen
I’m rapt when your eyes are glistenin’

And when it’s distance
That separates your kiss from my kiss
My sweet Miss
I can’t help but reminisce about you

I’ve thought all this through
Though I’m still coming after you
Please shake, shake my heartache away
Just like you always used to do
Just like you always used to do
Just like you always used to do

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heather (1) (@heatherrwhitmore) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

White Target Heart

her white target heart
with its circles within circles of pointless protections
sitting in its seclusion
several meters from her huntsman and his hatchet
his hand steadied and his armed mitt hinged behind him with intent to strike

he forces his forearm forward his lance is launched
his words are spoken
he mumbles of her so many imagined inhumane atrocities
speaks of how she had it coming all along
his eyes narrow
death advances and pierces her styrofoam center
peeling away her paper protections
and his proud face with its brow creased and a smirking smile
utters a soft chuckle
at the sight of her crumbled parts
now scattered and marring his stone floor

his decision was made long ago to replace her with a hay bale
the site of her come-apart only strengthens his case for her unworthiness

and the small scatterings she so sought to quickly claim resewn
her white target heart she so tried to pretend was mended
lay relocated to a nice grassy patch curb-side to await disposal
the metal truck-arm removal
to a humble home
situated between a banana peel
and a soiled diaper
where she and her sweet child
will live among their memories of hoped-for homes
always eating their family dinners
accompanied by
an extra place setting
and an empty chair

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kae (17) (@agapeinflux) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Hi all, this is a little something written a few weeks back.

A shadow that was once cast
Over the very fire light of your form
Is now illuminated with love, as the veil melts away
And now within this new day, you can calmly dance within the storm
As the wind is no longer feared
And the sky is no longer doomed
Remember your soul’s chant, you are ever pervading
In this life, you are right where you need to be
Howling at the moon.

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