Hello there HEthens,
I would like to ask you guys something. This question is to be completely subjective as to make it so you can’t try and fit your answer to my situation. It’s to make it so you don’t give me an answer you think I want to hear.
I want to hear your thoughts on the matter. No one is wrong with their opinion, so please, if you have something to say; Say it.
At what point do you decide that a relationship is a lost cause? At what point do you walk away?
I’m glad that I asked this subjectively. Somehow even with the lack of information regarding my specific situation it seems that a lot of what I needed to hear was written as though most of you knew my situation. It’s even stranger that a couple of you seem to be in a very similar situation.
I don’t believe this is a mere coincidence.. Thank you all for all of your insights.
I think I’m going to speak with a few of my close friends and see if they further back what I’ve been feeling for a while now.
I may just be beating a dead horse here but… I think that it’s time I move on.
I asked 5 of my closest friends if they thought I was happy or not in this relationship. Every one of them said no… If it’s that apparent to those closest to me I think it’s time that I accept it and move on..
:) Hopefully this will open doors for life to let me get something better. Thanks again for your help guys!
@travisad, id say you decide when a relationshi[p is a lost cause, whenEVER YOU decide its alost cause. you know how much the relationship is worth to you, and if its worth it still, then you’re going to keep fighting for it, if not, then you will come to that realization and end it. but u got to actually fight for it, if u wanna see results, you really got to find out where the problems lye at, and pick them uop and dolve them. best of luck!
@existentialjeff, I’ve been fighting for the last year and a half (of a 3 year relationship). It’s worn me down, it’s broken and beaten me. I keep trying because I see that she is making an attempt, but overall I’m tired of not being happy.
I’m tired of complete strangers being able to tell that I’m not happy day in and day out. I’m tired of it…. I’ve put my best foot forward and I get limited on what I can do, I’m not trusted, and so many other factors that go into play.
I appreciate it bro, but you have no idea how hard I’ve tried…
@travisad, Then you’re both unhappy, not just you. I know you asked for a subjective opinion but I usually see a lost cause before it happens and even then I go after it, otherwise I won’t be excited about it. How about that? Gotta love lost causes. The only way for both of you to be happy is to not rely on each other all the time to make each other happy, because that’s impossible. The way I see it, if you want to even have a long-term relationship, both sides have to realize that, otherwise you’ll be only sucking the life out of each other.
@travisad, “At what point do you decide that a relationship is a lost cause?”
-Never. There is no such thing as a lost cause.
There are, however, quitters.
“At what point do you walk away?”
-When the pros:cons ratio drops below 75:25
-When the whole thing is just a half measure and a waste of time
-When I would rather be alone
@beyond, Yeah lost causes are the best. I think another large issue is that she seems like she can’t be happy without me. It puts a lot of pressure on me and makes it so I ALWAYS have to be with her and that’s annoying as fuck. I want to be able to have me time, I want to be able to have bro time.
There’s so much that goes into this and I don’t want to air my dirty laundry out on this site. This site and it’s people are too good to me for something like that.
@manimal, There’s also times where one person asks too much of the other and after so long it causes that person to crash and want to pull away more then anything else.
I’m curious where you got this ratio? I’ve wanted to walk for a while but I’m not one to give up without a fight. I believe I’ve fought tooth and nail long enough. I’m tired… I can only do so much.. I’m only one man.
@travisad, I see. Well, the more honest you are, the more honest subjective opinions you’re gonna get, that’s at least a good thing. That issue you pointed out, however fucking annoying, means that you’re actually being there for her when you don’t feel like it. Maybe that’s why she thinks she can’t be happy without you, you’re there for her a lot like no one else is.
@beyond, In a relationship if you are truly in the place most of us wish to be I would like to think that there is no question, no indecision at any level in regards to a relationship. It seems as this is true love meaning altruistic feelings for another is present here to some degree.
@aviad, Thanks for your input. I wish I was in a situation where there was no question. That’s what I want to find. Though, I’m in no hurry to find it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop looking, but I am going to stop putting it so high on my list of things I want. I’m going to figure out who I am and start being me. Whoever that attracts, awesome. :) lol