Are you tired of this shit? Tired of your safe and mundane existence? Tired of pretending to care? What if you just gave up? What if you just did not give a fuck anymore? How liberating would that feel?
Personally, I’m tired of caring: Of what other people care about me…. Of insignificant daily inconveniences that I pretend matter so much… Of being a victim and blaming other people or circumstances for my lot in life… Is that how trivial my life has become?
I’m tired of denying my feelings and always seeking some sort of escape: mental fantasy, emotional and psychological highs, etc. The extent to which things bother you is a good indicator of how petty of a person you are.
So what is the solution if you’ve been facing the same problem that I have? The solution is that there is no solution that your rational mind can come up with. So just give up. Allow these feelings and thoughts to envelop you. So what if you feel this way for the rest of your life? At least the struggle to feel differently than you do now is over. At least you can live in the peace of bravely accepting your internal reality. At least you can stop putting so much effort into improving yourself, which only ever produces temporary escape.
You. Can’t. Win. Resistance IS futile. At least if you stop trying, the fruitless added struggle will be over. And that is the worst case scenario.
All your efforts have been for naught. Don’t you get it? How many times are you going to TRY and be happier, TRY and be a better person, TRY to be more successful- and somehow think that THIS TIME, things will turn out differently than they have any other time before. “THIS TIME, if I get that perfect physique, or that next promotion or eat that ice cream sundae, I will be absolved of my pain,” you think. But your efforts and struggles to get rid of your pain only add layers of anxiety on top of what is already there.
The truth is that despite your best efforts, all you can do is temporarily assuage the symptoms of an underlying problem.
And what is that problem, exactly? The problem is that you are living an empty life. A safe life. A life devoid of risk. You seek out comfort and security as your primary motivators, rather than freedom and life lived to its fullest. You seek to avoid your pain and avoid any discomfort in exchange for mediocrity and playing it safe. And you settle with the fleeting satisfaction of pleasant physical and emotional highs that things like drugs, television, relationships, or even meditation and spiritual retreats can give you.
You become addicted to these things, because they are the only thing give you the temporary escape of the hell of your own existence- an existence that YOU are creating for yourself because you refuse to face your own fears.
You CANNOT beat your darkness. You ARE your darkness. You can only avoid it for so long. Eventually, you’ll reach a breaking point, because the more you avoid and cover up the emptiness you feel from living an unfulfilled life- a life trapped inside the prison of your own fears, insecurities, and worries- the stronger those feelings will become until NOTHING you do can cover it up anymore. The longer you avoid those unpleasant tor taboo thoughts, the more they’ll fester.
Until you reach that breaking point, you’ll continue to indulge in mediocrity. You’ll continue down the safe path that the vast majority of people live and die in. And you’ll continue to believe that these substitutes are what life is all about: Worrying over celebrities and pro sports and reality television as a substitute for the lack of excitement, risk and fulfillment that you have in your own life. Going from job-to home-to bed-to job-to the bars (or something along those lines), and just seeking out any pleasant high you can get your hands on until the day you die. Living a life of middle-class mediocrity and consumerism.
If you have reached the breaking point, you must realize that you have to merge with your darkness. Go into it. Stop trying to get rid of it, stop obsessing over the need to feel better or different that the way you feel right now. Let it overtake your mind and body, instead of avoiding and denying it and escaping into some temporary illusion. The more you avoid it, the more it actually controls you anyways
What’s the worst that could happen? The darkness is always ther, underneath the surface. Your attempts at getting rid of it just push it further outside your awareness. Might as well embrace it for what it is. Are you man enough? Or are you one of these modern day pussies who can’t deal with any discomfort whatsoever? Are you afraid of negativity, afraid of anything that isn’t comfortable and packaged inside some feel-good philosophy or fleeting pleasure? Or are you ready to face reality?
Birth is one of the most inevitable initiations of pain and fear-facing there is. did u really have to use the word pussies to describe someone that can’t take discomfort?
pain and rage are definitely the language of the true calling, to bring resolution to your own self. dark isn’t bad. my desire to mutilate you for using the word pussy is a good thing. but not if i did it. finding the power in your rage and then restraining it with discipline is the path. i like the post
That’s just the word I felt like using. Your interpretation of it, or that fact that people get offended by it, is none of my concern. Anyways, people who get hung up on the words used, rather than the content, are not really listening anyways.
I don’t think this fits with “the extent to which things bother you is a good indicator of how petty of a person you are.” The things we decide to confront and strive for are inspired by those negative feelings. It’s not petty to be passionate.
That obviously means I live a sheltered existence since I have the luxury of being bothered by getting a flat tire or something. Not to say that if something like that does bother me, I should pretend it doesn’t. It’s just a good indicator of where I’m at as a human being.
you think I haven’t really listened?
No. I wasn’t implying you were one of those people, since you provided ideas/suggestions beyond just “you used the word pussy, therefore everything you say is invalidated.” I was just saying in general, I don’t pay much attention to things like that
It seems like part of living mindfully and confronting darkness is to acknowledge the violence even in our words. If subtle misogyny isn’t an issue that speaks to you, I think we’ll all come to the center of the truth by following the ones that do. I obviously comprehend your post and I think that type of language is more damaging than people want to accept, which is part of your message. People don’t want to confront things. It’s an example of numbing out to yours and others’ humanity in my opinion.
In my opinion, violence isn’t in the words themselves, but the intent behind the words. Words are really neutral, they have no inherent meaning besides the meaning we give them. Everyone has slightly, or drastically, different meanings and interpretations of the same word based on their experience with the words and how they choose to define it. What if my definition and the intent behind my usage of the word differs from yours?
Words are pure intent. Cultures differ in language but the words themselves are well established symbols we rely on to understand each other. I don’t speak English perfectly but using masculine language as the only implication of strength is detrimental to the other half of the human race, and therefore all of humanity. People can lighten up and take it for the value you meant it, but it seems like a danger to me when people end up using the formal words to create beliefs.
“I don’t speak English perfectly but using masculine language as the only implication of strength is detrimental to the other half of the human race, and therefore all of humanity.”
I actually disagree with this. Making everything homogenized, gender neutral, politically correct and devoid of any polarity is detrimental to the human race, though. And it’s extremely confusing. In fact, the masculine IS strength and solidity. So I use masculine words to denote strength. Just like I use feminine words to denote yielding, nurturing, inward looking. I used the word “pussy” because that denotes being yielding, passive and soft (which are all good traits when put in their proper domain and used at the appropriate time.. except it’s funny because all the feminists seem to disown all these qualities as “weak”… so they are the real detriments to the human race).
Femininity is its own strength and power. I don’t think strength is masculine. I don’t think it’s funny at all that people are deluded about the value of femininity, especially the women.
Surrendering to the darkness, emptying oneself of old patterns, and making way for the birth of a new reality for yourself are all ways that this process could be seen as feminine.
In scotland I honestly cant remember the last time I heard the word cunt used with hurtful intention, so to me it does not carry any negative conotations. And the funniest thing is that if I said to someone ‘can I bum a fag?’ I would be asking for a cigarette. Thats not to say I dont watch my language when in certain situations, like when I’m in the states, it just seems to come naturally, but I absolutely think intent is key. Language always has been and always will be fluid.
We all have a shadow, dancing behind the light, showing us to hate just as much as we can love, showing us how to be apathetic just as much as we can care, and tempting us with death just as much as a will to live. We cannot have one without the other. To deny darkness is to deny our existence.
Thanks for posting this. It’s definitely super relavant to where I have recently been in my mind.
Yeah, and people, including myself, tend to think that the highs are good and the lows are bad, when they’re really just two sides of the same coin. This mindset leads a person to seek out highs and avoid the lows, which is impossible. It leads to escapism and denial of reality.
You end up denying any unpleasant or negative thoughts or emotions you have, or anything you perceive to be negative or unpleasant in the world.
It leads to a superficial life, as your highest pursuit becomes seeking out the next high you can get, while avoiding anything that feels uncomfortable. And the issue is, that in the bubble world I live in at least, it is really easy to do this. I see most people my age living this way, as well as myself many times. Just going from work to home to television to sleep, going to bars on the weekend, indulging in pop culture bullshit and living vicariously through athletes and movie stars. And they all just mutually validate each other. It’s almost like they all know they’re full of shit, but if they can all play make believe together at the same time, that somehow makes it more real.
But the problem with this is that it isn’t a sustainable mindset. Eventually the things that these people are trying so desperately to deny and pretend don’t exist creep in. Maybe you get paralyzed. Maybe your family member dies. Maybe you lose all your money. Maybe those unpleasant feelings and thoughts cannot be avoided any longer.
Nobody has to confront adversity in our bubble world. It’s easier than ever to live in a distraction. And most people would rather have a comfortable life with no meaning other than to make enough money to buy stuff that increases their level of comfort and security, rather than live a life with purpose.
I actually just read this the other day.
I have absolutely thought the same before, but then really I was just living in fear of the inevitable darkness to come. For instance, I would worry about the death of a loved one when doing everything ‘right’ to be happy.
The lack of honesty in peoples words and actions saddens me. They dont even know what the fuck being honest means to them.
Yeah I agree. Denying negativity makes a person very superficial and petty. You always have to flaunt a facade of happiness and security, and that’s what I see most of my peers doing, and myself more times than not. And underneath the surface is a very insecure and fragile person.
But the social structures make it so that everyone interacts at the level of the social mask/facade, so they all just validate and affirm each other’s delusional existences, and anyone who provides any “reality” is demonized.
But it’s not even a mask of happiniess either, at least nothing near actual happiness, because the whole ‘oh well, that’s just the way it is’ attitude prevails. People find complete security in absolute mediocrity. On the flip side, when im giddy and giggly with joy I lose count of how often I get asked ‘what are you so happy about?’, ‘what drugs are you on?’ Etc. And when you’re experiencing the negative it’s ‘get over it’ and ‘snap out of it’.
Fuck that for an existence. Allowing the darkness as much as the light is so necessary to not turn into a zombie. I’ll happily continue to take both extremes, so at least I feel whole.
What is it do you think that is holding you back, and making you continue the facade more often than not?
The whole existence transits from darkness to light and light to darkness. If you think darkness is ultimate truth then so is light. However, life isn’t about light or darkness rather it’s about how you live within this transition being blissful and content without regard to how you are being judged.
When did I say darkness is the ultimate truth? I wrote this because of my observation of the rampant escapism that goes on in our society. You don’t see people actively seeking to put themselves in uncomfortable situations do you?
It’s all about safety, security, protection, comfort and avoidance of anything perceived as “negative,” which in reality are just the “dark” side of reality.