The high that made me stop smoking.
I’ve only been smoking cannabis for a couple of years, regularly for the past year. And honestly I was making myself a little sick of it. I wasn’t enjoying it as much anymore and longed for clarity. I can be pretty weak minded though, and as its rife in my social circle I continued to smoke.
Just a little over a week ago I came in from dinner with friends, and I’d had about 5 vodkas. I don’t usually drink and smoke but on this occasion I thought why not and smoked a j. Now at this point you’re maybe thinking ‘oh man, drink and weed, she had a baaaaad time’. Nope… I had the single best high ever.
I went up to bed to try and sleep but my mind was awake. I then became very aware of my conscious, and interestingly my subconscious. I could hear it so clearly. I had watched a documentary about the subconscious, and how 80% (maybe more, i cant remember) of what we do we don’t even think about, so I know that’s why it was in my mind. Being aware of it I thought I would try and control it. I thought I could over ride it with my conscious. I had this feeling in my arm, this dull ache, and it felt like my subconscious was trying to move it but I wasn’t allowing it. I mean think of all the movements you make and how many of them you actively have to think about… Not many, well not for me anyway. So this felt truly amazing. It happened in other limbs, and laying completely still I felt like I had so much power and control over myself. I realised that my sub conscious didn’t have to rule me. I then drifted off to sleep.
In the morning I still had this overwhelming feeling of power. I haven’t smoked weed since. I haven’t eaten junk food since. I know I can over ride my subconscious and make the real decisions. Turns out my last joint gave me the clarity I was looking for.
@siantastic, IMO it wasn’t the drugs, more of a case of practice makes perfect! Also I suggest you stop rating your highs, and then suddenly all of them will be awesome and unique.
“I can be pretty weak minded though, and as its rife in my social circle I continued to smoke” Your selling yourself short, its what you put into it.
Willpower is a tool to minimize dissonance.
Finally I bet it was that good feeling of learning about yourself that carried you through after all external effects wore off. Its a day to day thing for clarity, its not something you set and forget especially at first!
Enjoy the clarity, and I am sure your body loves it when you go inside and say hi!
@risik, Thanks for reading! Rating my highs isn’t something I usually do, I think just because this particular time gave me such a moment of clarity and power, that it’s up there.
Willpower is a funny old thing, and cannabis definitely helped me along the path which I was already walking on…it just accelerated my pace.
But yeah for now I’m enjoying a clear mind, and when I get what I want from it I will be intrigued to see what cannabis can do for me next.
I’m happy you found that clarity! It’s a great feeling to have.
My thing is, and I don’t speak only about people in general I speak from experience aswell, is that people tend to conceptualize and overthink marijuana. As is done with a lot of different things, though!
Marijuana will only make you feel as you make it feel. If you feel as if you’re going to be lazy and fall into a habit with it’s use, you will most likely associate those traits with it and create this subconscious block on it’s potential. If you think paranoid you will be paranoid. Just as if you think good thoughts you will have a good time. I used to get a lot of anxiety when I would smoke. Anxiety in a few different ways; physical, mental and anxiety about being in that state you describe, that longs for clarity. But in reality you have to be the captain of your thoughts. I’m not saying this applies to everyone or even everyone who would get anxiety associated with marijuana, I just feel we give power to things that we really are the complete master of, when you get down to it. Balance is the key.
@ojai, Oh definitely! Far too many people are quick to say ‘oh weed makes you lazy’ etc. And it can, but only if you let it. I just really needed to start my relationship with it a fresh. And because I don’t have that sinking feeling toward it anymore, because I know I have the power to say no and go without, I’m actually excited to smoke it again…but not too soon :)
A couple of years ago I smoked a blunt of Train Wreck Kush following a blunt of OG Kush. It was just too much to handle. I was too high, and fuck anyone that says you can’t get too high because I did. It was so uncomfortable. I threw up curds. Pace.
@siantastic, That sounds like a moment of true self discovery and deep insight. I actually had that once, but at the time it came accompanied with paranoia and it didnt go away for months, so I willed it away slowly, and now I wish I could have it back. I’m glad yours went well. Keep it on the good path.