This week, I had a deep thought about a subject that concerns my everyday life. This is the topic of love. To get all of my thoughts out, I typed out a short journal entry about the matter. I am interested to hear other opinions on the matter in the nature that I was thinking. Without further ado, this is what I have:
Recently I thought to myself of my fiancée, “why do I love her?” I quickly came to several conclusions. The first of these conclusions was that first off, it is simply impossible to describe the topic of love in words. As the great Alan Watts might say when presented with the subject, it is something that is part of the world and therefore can’t be described with parts of speech that are not a part of the world in the physical sense. This brings us to this point, however: despite love being a part of the world, it is an event that cannot be described by the science of physics or any science for that matter. This automatically makes it a subject of metaphysics.
In my musing on why I loved my fiancée, I could not put my finger on why exactly. So, rather than just cast the question aside or answer it with a dishonest cliché of personality, smile, kindness, or something of the sort, I decided to do the only thing I could do in good conscience. This was to do my best to explain why I may not know why instead of making up a reason and pretending it were true.
I firmly believe that we confuse like with love in the modern western culture. This applies to silly notions such as an individual saying, “I love pizza” or, “I love music.” I believe, though, that most people have already had it pointed out to them that it is silly to say that they love these things, but they rather simply like them. Further beyond this far expired topic of discussion however, is the idea that we confuse our sense of like for someone for our sense of love for them.
When asked why one loves another, they might list off any number of cliché things including, “personality, smile, silliness, kindness, and sense of humor.” At the same time people have heard the statements that elaborate on the idea of beauty fading so to marry someone with the right personality. This therefore eliminates physical appearance from the equation of love, as it is possible for one to love another despite their appearance. Even if one cannot, there are others who can, so this is irrefutable fact. Now shall we discuss the idea of personality, kindness, etc. When one gets into an argument with someone that they love, do they merely stop loving them when their love is without their sense of humor, kindness, and good personality? Of course not. The argument results in a dislike, but not a retraction of love. This, therefore, eliminates the component of nonphysical traits from the equation of love.
With what was written in the paragraph above, it may be stated now that although someone may think that they love due to some reason that may be stated in language, they don’t. Claiming you can definitively state why you love someone is a joke, you see? If one is still able to love another once physical attraction is gone (if it were even there to begin with) and/or while they are in a fight, positive physical or even nonphysical qualities cannot be the true factor that drives us to love. When we fight the positive nonphysical traits that we may think cause our love for someone fade away, yet our love remains.
Everything previously stated brings us to the question of, “what is the true source of our love, then?” As a person who likes to know what is going on, I say this. We cannot possibly understand the true inner workings of love; much less put it into words. Although I cannot know what is going on or control it, I am surprisingly okay with that. For at least one thing in the world, I am fine with not asking any further questions on the subject. This is a beautiful crazy journey in life and in love that we are meant to enjoy, which will involve us giving in and letting it simply happen without forcing it. As Alan Watts once said, “to have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead, you relax, and float.”