The strangest thing

JonH (@IJesusChrist) 8 years, 3 months ago

I’ve had reoccuring dreams of my elementary-high school love interest for the past 1.5 years. They started quite randomly, but have progressed to at least once every 2 weeks. They are always stressful, and often I awake feeling like I was actually talking to her; angry, confused, estranged.

Last night I had another. I awoke about 2 hours earlier than normal and couldn’t sleep. The dream ended with her becoming a complete whore, and I mean that in the definition itself. The very last part of the dream was “I bet you could only count the people you’ve slept with on one hand.”
I explained, I wouldn’t even need a full hand, which she laughed until I awoke.

I woke up and tried to ignore it. Its just a dream. But every time its so real, I feel like I’m there with her. Everything about her is so real. All of my memories have compiled this accurate picture of who she is.

She got married a while ago, to some guy she met at christian camp in the 8th grade. Shes become incredibly religious and distanced herself from everyone (as to not tempt herself with alcohol, and sin, and so forth).

I went to her facebook this morning, but she hasn’t friended me since she got married. Still, I saw he pictures of her and her husband and how happy they are. I became so happy for them and envious.

As I got off the computer, I realized where I was. A new perspective on who I am. If I were to ever be proud of who I am to be, the path I was on was not the right one. Once again, I saw, and changed, through the ‘rock bottom’ of sorts. An awakening again.

I have no assumption that the dreams will stop, or I will forget about her, I shared 14 years of my life getting to know her, talking to her, and so forth.

But she did something for me, out of simply existing and doing as she would, that woke me up from a haze I’ve had for the past 3 months.

I thought I would share.
Peace.

October 20, 2013 at 10:29 am
LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

I’m sure that she represents a certain aspect of your psyche for sure.

[Hidden]
Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Not being in contact with people who have played a huge part in your development as a person is weird. I have a person like that, that I dream about too. I’m glad you found a way to get something worthwhile out of the experience.

[Hidden]
LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Ahh, yea, the subconscious creates a person that we have known as a symbol of what we picture in a certain way, to tell us something. Then we ponder what we saw.

[Hidden]
Mike Wuest (510) (@mikeyw829) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, I think you process subconscious material in dreams. Perhaps it’s just part of becoming more aware… finally dealing with issues that you hadn’t been able to until now.

I’ve been getting more about my ex recently. I thought I had moved past it all, but obviously all the emotion and chaos surrounding that situation in my dreams is telling me otherwise.

[Hidden]
tkim (24) (@socoamarettotk) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Thanks for sharing, I’ve actually been in a similar situation. Feels good to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Depending on how much this girl affected you in becoming who you are today, I believe you will never really forget her (for better or worse). It’s very hard to overcome, but you will come to accept it as it is.


@tangledupinplaid21
, It IS the weirdest feeling – you miss how things used to be between you and that person, but you know it will never be the same. You miss who they were when you were close, but you have no desire to talk to them now. To me it’s a simple feeling of nostalgia, a memory that you can never really fully experience again. As @mikeyw829, mentioned, whenever I think of that memory, I see it as a way of my mind slowly adapting to be at peace with such issues by confronting them head-on.

[Hidden]
JonH (1,139)C (@IJesusChrist) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@socoamarettotk, Its hard. But thats the human experience. And for the variability of the word: I love it anyways.

[Hidden]
Cody (472) (@versai) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

It sounds like you two have shared intimate experiences together, may have even been each other’s firsts? Also sounds like the period you were together overlapped the time she met her future husband.

Do you think dreams can link between consciousness’ at all? Maybe with her getting married a while ago and going through all this christian guilt, perhaps she’s self-conscious about her teenage promiscuity and not saving herself bla bla.

Sorry to go so analytical on this which I know nothing about, but it makes me wonder why coincidences or patterns like that happen. Maybe she’s dreaming just as often about you and getting tangled in each other’s dreams because of the history and connection you’ve shared.

If I may ask, what path do you plan to follow now? Dreams do seem to be a message from our sub-conscious sometimes.

[Hidden]
Anonymous (18) (@) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

Dude this has so many emotions evolved. It sounds tough, especially since these dreams are so real. Just be calm. If you can get in touch with her or find some sort of closure do so.

[Hidden]
JonH (1,139)C (@IJesusChrist) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@versai, We weren’t each other’s “first” in any physical sense. The first day I met her, though, I remember crystal clear. It was 1st grade, I knew no one. I walked in, and she patted the chair next to her, eyes as big as saucers, smile as wide as can be. We instantly became friends.

We never were together. I tried multiple times, in different ways, but it was always “just friends”, which I was ok with as well. I started getting really angry with her at the end of high school when she started to pick and choose what months she wanted to be my “friend” and which she just totally ignored me.

Im in a relationship, which is very unstable at the moment. my path is very clouded. I have no idea. I won’t be contacting her for some time, if ever again.

Deep down, I wish she was dreaming of me. I wish it was some kind of communication, muddled by distance and misunderstanding… I wish that were the case.

[Hidden]
JonH (1,139)C (@IJesusChrist) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@shomari, I want closure, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I should explain how much of my memories have been devoted somehow to her. I don’t know if I want to bring all this up at all. I don’t think it will help myself, and I highly doubt she’s unhappy with who she is with, so there’s little chance it will help her…

I blame religion.
:)

[Hidden]
Anonymous (18) (@) 8 years, 3 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, Haha know, i don’t like religion either. Last thing you want to do is interfere with her happiness. You should just say, then let it be.

[Hidden]
Viewing 10 reply threads
load more