My Journey of the Heart

 Kana Knox (@Cloudwhisperer) 6 years, 8 months ago

My First Ceremony with Ayahuasca

I just want to take some time to shed a little light on my story and my personal journey before I embarked on my journey with Ayahuasca. I have wanted to travel to Peru and South America since I was six years old and I have always had an inherent connection with the Amazon Jungle ever since I was a little girl.

While in India a seed of self compassion was planted deep within my heart, which only began to bloom ten years later. My meditation practices combined with my entheogen integration, my mindfulness meditation and techniques were the powerful combination that allowed the seed of true compassion and self compassion, to eventually flower within me.

I focused on my intention for my journey to Peru for 6 months, with intense focus and practice, which included fasting and putting all my energy and time into my practice. The mantras that I have been and am still holding within my heart and mind, as my intention are: surrender, acceptance, compassion and gratitude.

All four of these mantras became integral parts of my Ayahuasca ceremonies and they became vital for me to reflect on each day, during my integration process. This is my journey of the heart and trying to actualize, discover and cultivate my true meaning of nurturing, within my life. I did this while doing my utmost best, to conduct my actions with honour and the purest intentions, through travelling a path with compassion and heart.

This journey has been quite the epic journey of self awareness for me. After practicing mindfulness meditation and mindfulness techniques, a seed of self compassion that was planted within my heart during teachings in India in Bodhgaya, 10 years ago, began to sprout and grow within my heart. I felt an incredible urge wash over me, that I needed to go to Peru and journey with Ayahuasca.

It almost felt like I was being called to journey with Ayahuasca. So I did everything in my power to make the journey happen, as I felt like it was my moral obligation to embark on this journey. I have had a couple of opportunities to work with Ayahuasca before, but I have always wanted my first experience with Ayahuasca to be in South America.

Flying over Iquitos and the Amazon Jungle was truly one of the most special experiences of my life; I was left in complete awe of the magnificent beauty of the jungle, bathed in fluffy white clouds with sunshine shining brightly through them. The rivers flowing through the Amazon, glittering and glistening in their honey brown glow, coiling and snaking through the green for as far as the eye could see.

I felt the sense that I was flying over the heart and epicentre of Mother Earth. Tears streamed down my face, I was left in complete awe of the true expanse of the jungle. Flying over the jungle will be an experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

As I sat at the dining room table I felt amazingly calm and focused. I wasn’t nervous at all. Jose made me some delicious yogi tea, which I slowly sipped, while focusing on clearing my mind and opening up my heart. I held the intention of compassion and courage deep within my heart. As I sat down on the veranda outside, I felt immensely peaceful and calm, while glowing with pure contentment. Jose initiated the ceremony with Mapacho and Icaros for protection.

As I had my first small cup of Ayahuasca, I felt amazingly strong within myself, the brew was quite bitter but it wasn’t too bad, although the unique taste and flavour is something I won’t soon forget. I could instantly feel the presence of Mama Ayahuasca within me radiating through every pore of my being.

I started to experience intricate visuals, geometric patterns glowing in blue and purple and green. A snake started to interweave itself within the geometric patterns. As I opened up my eyes everything around me felt alive and electric with life, the world around me started to vibrate intensely with a profound resonance of energy.

I intently tried to focus on my intention of figuring out how to actualize my meaning of nurturing within my life and I didn’t want to get distracted with the geometric visualizations, because I wanted to travel deeper into the experience. Words greatly fail me in articulating my first encounter with Ayahuasca, but I will do my best to describe the experiences of my journey.

As I closed my eyes and focused on clearing my mind, I felt more myself than I have ever felt before. Slowly after some time, I could see Mama Ayahuasca appear before me, she was breathtakingly beautiful, shimmering a radiant green of the jungle. Mama Ayahuasca was so gentle with me, I felt like I was a child being rocked in her arms safe, warm and protected.

My heart started to unfurl and began to shine brightly with light, I was glowing from the inside out. I decided that I wanted to have a second cup of Ayahuasca, as I felt remarkably strong within myself and I really wanted to travel deeper into the experience. After my second cup of Ayahuasca, the vibrational resonance within me and all around me increased intensely.

I calmly focused my mind on my heart and clearing my mind of all obstructions and potential fear. I smoked some Mapacho, which seemed to impart onto me further strength and courage within my heart. Closing my eyes I experienced one of the most precious and profound visions I have ever experienced in my life.

I was looking up at the sky with the sun shining on my face with a gentle breeze in the cool fresh air. My arm was out stretched towards the sky and a magnificent eagle gracefully landed on my hand. This beautiful majestic creature stared deeply into my eyes; it was like being reunited with my old friend and ally. The familiarity of the eagle resting on my hand was incredibly profound for me and it is something I will hold close to my heart forever.

Jose gave me some more yogi tea and after gently sipping the tea I could feel the instant urge to purge. After purging the tea, I felt so fresh, light and clean throughout my entire being. I can liken my experience of purging while journeying with Ayahuasca to bathing beneath a huge waterfall on a beautiful bright, clear, sunny day.

I continued to radiate pure love and compassion from my heart, I could feel the energy of Pachamama. She placed the Amazon jungle deep inside my heart. I could feel the energy of the jungle and all the life and sentience within it.

Mama Ayahuasca showed me that the jungle is dying and being destroyed, I felt such a great emptiness and sadness in my heart as the Amazon jungle is the epicentre of our earth and if we lose the Amazon and all the biodiversity in the jungle, it will be the greatest tragedy of our time.

She told me it’s of the greatest importance that more people around the world need to journey with Ayahuasca, so that they may become reconnected and re-enchanted with the natural world around them. I am deeply grateful to Jose, because I felt safe and protected during my entire journey and with his guidance I’m exactly where I need to be on my journey.

I will always treasure how beautifully he took care of me during my experience. The guitar music he played for me during the end of my journey was too beautiful for words. As I stood up to make my way to bed I could feel an intense energy and vibration resonating through my entire body, to the point that when I lifted myself up I was almost brought straight to my knees, since my body was vibrating so intensely that I could barely stand and my legs and knees became completely weak.

But Jose gently prevented me from falling to the hard unwelcoming floor. It’s almost as if I became somehow more loosely embodied, more energy and vibration than bounded body, more part of all living beings, than separate.

I now feel more myself and stronger within myself than I have ever felt before. I feel excited to be alive and I can’t wait to embark on my next Ayahuasca ceremony. My deepest love and eternal gratitude to Jose and Mama Ayahuasca.

January 31, 2015 at 12:20 pm
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