Things you shouldn’t say… (GAME)

“your going to smell that in a minute”

Things you shouldn’t say to a door to door girl guide selling cookies

“Do you like Popsicles? I got a whole freezer full of Popsicles in the cellar!”

tyss when your roommate walks in on you having sex.

“Hey, there’s room for one more body in this bed, you should join us.” Oh wait, maybe you should say that. So here’s another one:

*Hypnotic Jedi hand gesture* “You did not see anything, this is not your 14 year old sister. Now get out of here.”

TYSS to a unicyclist

Fixies suck

things you shouldn’t say to a mime

“Oh, you’re about to see Dr. Reed? He’s a great guy–he just drank me under the fuckin’ table on his lunch break!”

tyss when shopping for a new cell phone.

“Oh! I’m so glad you didn’t search my ca-…. I mean, I don’t know where any of this came from!”
tyss to the losing little league team

(in your best Nelson voice while pointing rudely) “HA HA!!!”

TYSS to your landlord when the rent is late

I have paid it already. Maybe you suffer from short term memory loss!

tyss when your boyfriend doesn’t open the car door for you on the first date.

“Honeymoon, suckers! The things I’m gonna do to your daughter… mmmmmmm….” With a big, smug, smile and eyebrows going up and down, with an arm around the new wifey.

TYSS to someone who has cancer and aids.

“Ew, that’s sick, don’t touch me!!”

TYSS after someone sits on your bed.

“What the hell are you doing!? Don’t sit on my bed, you’re making it dirty! Fuck, you even took the bus here, imagine how many people have farted in those seats. Shit, now there are all kinds of dirt and germs in my bed. What am I gonna do now? You’ve ruined my bed permanently, now I’ll have to buy a new one. This is the 13th time, it’s gotta stop. God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

TYSS to a drunken english football supporter

*in fake accent*, “Excuse me gentle sir, but I highly detest this so called ‘football’ of yours. American football is more delightful!”

TYSS while getting a prostate exam.

(while looking in the salad bowl) OH MY GOD!! I only left this out overnight so where did all these cockroaches come from???? Mmm I thought it was a bit crunchy…have i got anything stuck in my teeth?

Tyss to the chef when your steak is undercooked

Did you butcher this cow? Or did you have someone do that for you too?
TYSS to the person who stayed up all night writing a story for you.

meh, I hate fiction.

tyss to an angry mob of skinheads

Only black guys look good bald.

TYSS to a person with a raincoat and a hook in one hand

“Why are you holding the raincoat and the hook in the same hand?” (grammar nazi style)

TYSS to a smurf

Your height is great for oral! :tyss to a stripper

“No, I gave you that money because I want you to put on MORE clothes, not undress, you ugly behemoth.”

TYSS to someone whose cat just died

“I’ve been looking for a cat to use in a new recipe I’m trying. Mind if I use yours?”
tyss to an environmental activist.