Gimmie a screaming orgasm, and I’ll give you sex on the beach.
Things you shouldn’t say to your mother.
“your going to smell that in a minute”
Things you shouldn’t say to a door to door girl guide selling cookies
“Hey, there’s room for one more body in this bed, you should join us.” Oh wait, maybe you should say that. So here’s another one:
*Hypnotic Jedi hand gesture* “You did not see anything, this is not your 14 year old sister. Now get out of here.”
TYSS to a unicyclist
“What the hell are you doing!? Don’t sit on my bed, you’re making it dirty! Fuck, you even took the bus here, imagine how many people have farted in those seats. Shit, now there are all kinds of dirt and germs in my bed. What am I gonna do now? You’ve ruined my bed permanently, now I’ll have to buy a new one. This is the 13th time, it’s gotta stop. God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
TYSS to a drunken english football supporter
(while looking in the salad bowl) OH MY GOD!! I only left this out overnight so where did all these cockroaches come from???? Mmm I thought it was a bit crunchy…have i got anything stuck in my teeth?
Tyss to the chef when your steak is undercooked
Only black guys look good bald.
TYSS to a person with a raincoat and a hook in one hand