I want to thank Ray Butler and Marcel Nagek for their support. Dudes, you both pushed me to continue doing this. I really appreciate that. Thanks.
And here we go…
One of the things I´ve wondered in my life (short life, but still life) is changing and improving oneself.
I´ve always thought that change has to come in an unexpected and permanent way. Really, I believed that when I told myself one day “Tomorrow, you´ll be a new brand you” it was going to happen as I wished. But sadly, it never happened. Yeah, I tried to start the day with a good mood and a smile on the face and say what a wonderful day it would be, but as the day passed, I saw myself how little things that people said such as “Sometimes you´re annoying” or “Why don´t you do it the right way?” brought me down.
That felt like a stab on the back. On my mind, I was like “I´m being good with you, you gotta be good with me” Yeah, that was my philosophy of life. And there was a time that I kept on believing that, no matter what.
But as I saw how people continued on being mean with me or laugh at me, despite I did and wished for the best of them, I realized there was no real way to be truly nice and perfect for society.
As a consequence, I made a change of 360°. I started to go on my contrary: Instead of treating people around me nice and politely, I started to be mean and rude.
At the beginning, I surprised myself with the results: people started talking to me, instead of me talking to them, asked me for my opinion on important issues (Note: most guys take as an important issue talk about sex, masturbation, and how they will fuck up their future girlfriends) and I started to feel really good about myself. You know, I was starting to make “friends”, girls started to talk to me more frequently and they respected me. It was like a miracle.
I went on with my plan the following two weeks, and felt like I had reached the top of society.
As the weeks went on, whom I considered my true friends kept talking to me but vaguely. We used to talk about random but funny things, and how I made them laugh out loud with all the power of their soul and discuss about books we loved and inspired us. Somehow I missed that.
One day when I came home from school, I saw my mom preparing dinner and asking me how my day had gone and gave a really warm and sweet kiss on the cheek. Then, as most of the time, I singed a little with my sister before doing homework. As I saw the smile on her face and the joy she emanated while singing with me, I realized the wrong I was with myself. How could I´ve dare to exchange my true friends with ones that, in their deepest thought, didn´t give shit about me? The happiness and the beauty of my sister opened my eyes. It was like magic, I saw myself on the mirror of my sister´s eyes and I said: “Is this me?”
Yes. I made another big change in my life. I started recovering the trust of my friends and stopped talking with the people that said they were my true friends. I started treating women with respect and as an extra, to amend my mistake, told them, whenever I could, how beautiful and special they were.
I learned that maybe they wouldn´t notice, but I didn´t really care. I felt awesome with the person I am, and that´s what truly matters.
The permanent thought I have in my mind is: “How can I improve myself every day?”
It takes a hard time to make a real, even small, change in oneself. But it turns to be easier every time you watch yourself enjoying it.
To end this, I want to share with you all, a quote that embraces the little secret I have to improve oneself and don´t die in the process:
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”
Epictetus (55 – 135 AD)
Thanks Doubtsof; I don’t know how I helped you but from this post I see that you do not require any affirmation from outside of your being to drive you, you have found that relationship within yourself as the real source of strength. This is what makes what I do worth it, when someone comes to terms with existence in a way that doesn’t destroy, it creates a better world and it doesn’t have to go beyond your own head but it is awesome when it does.