I’m a generally happy person, but I tend to take things too personally. This causes me to loop into self-doubt and get lost in my thoughts. It gets to the point where I can’t focus on anything for too long because my mind is always elsewhere. For a few years now I’ve just relied on self-medicating with pot and the like and — despite the doctor’s prognosis — pharmaceuticals for depression or anxiety never helped me.
I’m starting to accept that this is just how I’m wired. I’ve felt like this as long as I can remember and it does affect my relationships with others. It causes me to depend too much on the ones I’m close to and distance myself from new people. So I’m not too convinced that this is something I can “beat”, but I would like to learn how to step back and understand my environment without over analyzing and fearing what lies ahead.
Does anyone feel this way? How do you cope?
@brokenthrough, I believe you can begin to solve these problems by attempting to “stop” your thoughts.
It seems all of the anxiety you are experiencing is due to your inner workings over analyzing the crap out of everything. This is where people will recommend meditation because it is basically the art of controlling your thoughts and stopping all of the unnecessary activity that leads to self doubt, depression etc. It seems you are shooting yourself in the foot so-to-speak because your thinking may be “out of your control”
@justinr, Definitely. I’m aware of the benefits of meditation, but have only been practicing for the past 6 months and haven’t integrated it into my daily practices. At the same time, I’m able to put myself in that trance-like state at will, but I guess in the moment I so intertwined in the thoughts that I forget to do anything else.
@deepwithin, Yes. That’s what started my practice of meditation in the first place. Trying to acquire that center of focus is difficult without drugs. Kind of feels like they ruined meditation for me because there’s such a distance between where I can get to in my mind with psychedelics and where sober meditation takes me.
@brokenthrough, I believe I read somewhere on here that some crazy monk somewhere in Asia can be dead sober after taking 30+ hits of acid, his reasoning was that “it’s already within you”
Which points to the idea that those substances simply unlock something you are actually capable of naturally. The key is practice =)
Dude, this actually sounds like a fairly decent description of at least part of who I can be sometimes. I definitely over-analyze basically everything.
For instance, when I’m on the bus and someone’s giggling and they happen to lock eyes with me for a second, I get all paranoid about what they are laughing about. I also am a preemptive isolationist, meaning I’ll distance myself from new people before they get the chance to do the same to me. It’s not necessarily a fear of rejection, but rather a very large distrust of others’ intentions. I don’t want to waste time putting myself out there if you aren’t worth the time, so I just shut you out and get all cold.
Tell me more about your experiences, friend.
@justinr, I can see that being true and it really opened my eyes to the power of mind. Psychedelics also introduced me to feelings of social awkwardness. I never felt so much judgement of others and myself until doing acid in a group setting. It made me so critical of how people interacted. And I think that ties in with what @lytning91, is getting at. I’m questioning intention and motive all of the time. I feel like I’ve fallen in a pattern of taking the defensive and sometimes for no reason at all. It seems, fairly often, that people are quick to judge and place labels on who I really am.. so I end up shutting myself in. I have moments of true clarity and peace, but no matter the highs I always seem to fall into this low place of doubt. Is it just a curse of the age I’m at (22) or is it something more?
@brokenthrough, I can definitely relate to your circumstances. The only difference is that I dont rely on even my closest friends and family for anything. Really though, the only advice I can give you is that I find my best opportunities arise when Im doing something I enjoy that is also productive. Those are the moments when I am fully applying myself to life and not worried about things that are out of my control. Which is opposite of your final sentence. So, just enjoy yourself and do stuff you like on a regular basis and if what you want to do is have close relationships with different people then you will. People that you find really interesting will be doing those same things.
@justinr, He must have been blocking his serotonin receptors somehow or an lsd inhibitor is within you or something. Or maybe he can ignore his bodies reaction and remain focused? hmm..
Don’t take psychedelics for this type of problem, meditation is the key for this.
In order to solve this issue with any clarity you have to realize a fundamental thing. You are not going to change and become less introspective and your thoughts won’t slow down. However, what has worked for me is a meditation practice where I focus on all the people who have shown me kindness and gratitude during the day – even if its just an overly nice smile, or a cashier seemed pleasant. I focus on this and act as if I were them, doing the same action. Then I repeat “Everyone deserves my love”.
Tweak as desired.
As mentioned above, the fact that you are actually aware of this problem is in itself, a huge leap in the right direction. It’s the people who refuse to open their minds to different perspectives, and confront the fact that something is “off” who are literally preventing themselves from finding potential solutions.
“Self-therapy” or the concept of having conversations with yourself in your mind should also help greatly. This will sound contradictory at first but if you can critique your own thoughts, you will begin to master the ability of filtering negative ideas and concerns, while allowing nothing but positivity and love to enter your life. You can literally STOP your mental activity at any time, and allow yourself to realize if the thoughts will benefit/serve you or not, and then react accordingly based on your conclusion.
My suggestion is to just completely restart your life, forget past troubles( look at some inspirational photos) and find the beauty in nature and life itself. Just know that it always gets better, if you’re addicted to something( not that i’m saying you are) start with that. All it takes is to see it from a different view. Once you do that, you can make better decisions than the one you regret from the past, and slowly you will let go of them.
it’s all about rewiring your brain, you don’t need meditation for that (altho it might help). theres a thing called neuroplasticity, to make it simple, ways you go often will be more stable while ways you dont go that often will rotten away … until they are gone. you have to choose which way you want to go (in your case it would be either overanalyzing every situation or just let go off these things and not give a fuck).
to do that the following steps might help:
1. relabel: get aware of the fact that you are overanalyzing when you’re doing it and tell yourself “i am overanalyzing right now, what isn’t necessary” instead of thinking “why did they laugh, were they laughing at me?!”
2. reattribute that: “oh, this is just some error my brain made”
3. refocus: do something else instead of the overanalyzing (read a poem, meditate, whatever)
4.revalue: recognize, that overanalyzing is bullshit (this might take a while)
it sounds terribly easy if you write it down like that, which it surely isn’t. take your time with it, don’t worry if it doesn’t work, be content with small improvements. and most important, don’t give up. you can’t become a superman over night (maybe some people can, but for most, this is the easiest and safest way).
i wish you all the best, i’ve been through the same … but trust me, just take your time and everything will fall in place.
@15234l, Yeah. I feel like anything that makes me happy is some sort of an addiction. People. Cigs. Food. Good times. I guess I have to focus on will power and maybe the positive “addictions” in my life.. like art or music.
Thanks everybody. Hopefully I’ll be able to reset my thinking, but when something is out of my comfort zone/ control I just turn into a little pansy.
@brokenthrough I’m going through the same shit, and it’s hard because ultimately we’re born without this wiring, and it is created and can be destroyed by our own thought patterns. The two things that are helping me the most are meditation, and wearing a rubber band on my wrist, snapping it every time I over think and refocusing.
@brokenthrough, Have you considered the fact that your perceptions are what cause people to give you these impressions about yourself?
It’s like you’re going in a 360 degree loop or chasing your own tail.
I know where you’re at, bro. I have been there. You really just have to stop. If you start to catch yourself, you’ll realise these occurrences become less frequent. When you get a silly thought pop into your, stop yourself, realise it in your head and give it perspective, then allow yourself to chuckle at the stupidity of it. The more you catch yourself, the less you’ll do it.
@thelightofgod, see, their judgments don’t cause much concern for me if I never give them my attention or bestow in them a piece of me. If I shut them down from the start, it’s not a big deal.
It’s only when attempt to bridge the gap and get stabbed in the back or discarded that I feel loss. Never extend the first hand and you never get hurt. It’s the whole love and lost v. never loved at all concept, and I’m taking one of those to an extreme sometimes.
Having a goddamn laugh and not taking yourself too seriously doesn’t work?
I guess I just have major trust issues of people. For good reasons and maybe some invalid reasons. But my love for people in general keeps me around. I feel like my relationship I’m currently in has damaged my psyche and although we are separated.. we’re still acting the exact same way as before. A huge part of me wants to make things work.. and nothing I could say on here could give a proper description of our love and I’m not really looking to be told to get out of that situation. But I am just hoping that it is possible to build myself up again.. even if I’m constantly reminded of this doubt I hold.
@brokenthrough, Aaaaaaaaaah relationship he says! Or she. I don’t know if you’re male or female. It doesn’t matter! Yep, relationships make people sensitive. You should have started from being honest with yourself instead of searching for an ego feed. You know those things work if both people in the relationship work for it. It’s not just you in it. I can sense your kindness to the things that made you feel angry, like you’re in understanding of what’s happening, but can’t do anything about it. Well, you should be glad you can do that. Everyone has trust issues towards horrible people who can’t explain their own logic. I don’t know why I’m saying this, I’m kind of bored and you’re kind of giving up.
@brokenthrough, the fact that you are aware of your psychological patterns and desire to change them is key. Do not become entrenched in the struggle to ‘beat’ this. It will most likely only exacerbate the patterns. What is necessary here is to embrace these seemingly negative aspects about yourself. People use to tell me I was too sensitive and no doubt there was a time when I experienced the self-doubt and insecurities you speak of, but my sensitivity turned out to be my greatest asset. What I learned and what I continue to learn is that any doubt or insecurity is a manifestation of fear. Fear is based off of past negative experiences in combination with wildly anxious future fantasies. But just remember that none of that really exists. The past is gone, and the future will not come. We can only ever be in this moment. If you can learn to embrace the now, you will begin to develop a perspective of radical openness. Sorry for the long answer. If you’re interested check this out http://wp.me/3cmAz.
-be here now-