we\’re at a point in time where people are waking up all over the world. It kinda sucks tho when you\’re the only one experiences these things in your circle of friends and most people around you. This website has been one of the best things in supporting my awakening, not too sure where I\’d be without the insight, wisdom, and perspectives of you Hethens here! I wanted to see if anyone else is undergoing a spiritual awakening and see if you\’ve gone through similar pain/anguish and troubles, and maybe advice on completing my journey. I first experienced an awakening around 2 years ago after reading The Power Of Now. That shit completely changed my whole perspective and was the first time i felt the wonderful power of the present. Ever since i felt my purpose was to completely transform into a completely enlightened being. Yes I\’ve had amazing experiences since then, learned about the vast limitless energy there is within, and done things to amaze myself and others, but it has NOT been a smooth ride.
I had scholarships to my college and it started awesome. I had amazing monk-like focus and school was easy. Then i had a super-tramatic experience that Im not sure if i can quite explain completely. All my anxiety/worries/suppressed emotions ive been carrying all my life starting bursting forth. I would experience trancendence atleast once a day, but i would then experience all the malicious energy stored within me the rest of the day. It got to the point where i couldnt complete basic assignments (i became a nervous wreck) and couldnt pay attention in class. i felt that everything i was learning was useless (compared to the possibilities of self-actualization) and I was only there out of the expectations of others, and my own fear of the unknown. I dropped out and it was a HUUUGEEE ordeal with all my family (i have a large extended family). there was no way to possibly explain what i was going through with them and any mention of anything spiritual was taken as demonic from them (good ol christians). Anyway i did not understand what was happening in the slightest, and i had no idea how to go about accepting any of it. I felt as if I was going in and out of sanity on the regular and had no idea how to express myself (without being taken to the looney bin) so everything was furthermore suppressed. I distanced myself from all my friends and become a depressed but hopeful loner. I couldnt explain to anyone what was happening and had no mentor or anything to guide me, so i went through a bout of SEVERE anxiety/depression as i tried to force myself in alignment with divine will. It took me a long long time to understand that one cannot force oneself to awaken, and that there is no such thing as try.
I am still not fully awakened, and am still learning and still on my path, but I am lightyears ahead of what i once was. I learned how to become more passive and acceptive of thoughts/feelings and i also opened up. i learned of the liberating power of truth/honesty, and the courage it takes. Also better nutrition, physical movement/excersize, supplements, breath awareness and yoga have helped tremendously. I still have those days where I\’m like \”WTF am I doing? I gave up my whole future?!\” (still solo on my journey). For now I am a student of life and consciousness, hoping one day to fully understand enlightenment and spread it amongst the masses.
So there had to vent, Ive been having lots of trouble with this whole enlightenment gig, and im curious to see what yall have to say