Truthfully, does being a woman suck?
I’ve been thinking about this recently. There are lots of things that I hate about being a girl. I’m not shallow and never have been. For example, beauty standards. Shaving, makeup, etc. Granted, people say ‘you don’t need makeup’. But, I feel ugly as hell without makeup. Is that social conditioning? Who’s to know. There’s just so many things. Like, for example, after I got off from my job at around 11:00, I had to be picked up because I don’t have a car. My coworkers said, “Oh, we’ll wait for you, there’s too many creepy people.” Now, I bet you that if I was a boy I could wait there by myself and not have to worry too much. Maybe I’d get mugged, worst case scenario. Also, childbirth? Can we just pause for a second. I like children, love them in fact, but I would be perfectly content with just having one when I’m thirty. I’m in no rush. When I told my dad this, he was like, “What, you can’t plan that, blah blah blah.” And I’m just like, “Hell yes, I can plan that.” Anyways, that’s kind of a social stigma also. The “Oh, you don’t want kids? That’s a little weird”, thing. I mean really. Don’t get me wrong, I love men. But there are times in my life where I think, “Maybe this would be easier if I were a man.” Ya, know? And I know maybe this is a guy thing, and don’t hate me for this. But, sometimes, I feel like I’m seen as a sexual object. Like, even if I go to target. Maybe I don’t want someone looking at my butt, maybe I don’t like my butt. Maybe it just sounds like I’m whining. But sometimes these things just bother me.
Firstly let me say in context that i am a male who doesn’t exactly adhere to the presupposed idea of masculinity, and I think what you have expressed is the effects of a set of clashing identities.
for example, there is the concept of ‘femininity’ (the opposing comparison being: masculinity) in which a general set of traits are attributed to a female personality. the guidelines to this mode of observation usually entitles some form of ‘nurturing’ ‘gentleness’ and ’empathy’. Sexual Objectification/ Appeal is tied to this concept as well.
As a foundation of society’s ‘idea’ of the ‘image’ women portray, this can lead to women being the target of many generalized concepts of ‘beauty’. Therefore a social conditioning is formed in which the subject adapts to the environment or rather, a social environment.
Sure while both sexes are targeted by a set standard of ‘gender roles’ in western civilization, women have consistently been the objects of repressions in their individuality.
It is no wonder that in a civilization that largely does not know the difference between one’s ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ has such an unhealthy effect on its populations sexuality and sense of uniqueness.
I think that just as there are similarities in the concepts of ‘good’ and ‘evil’, there are similarities in traits of femininity and masculinity contrary to popular belief. however you may take the above statement in anyway you desire. it is just an observation of mine.
i think it is the simple fault of a society (over time) attempting to develop a generalized ‘gender identification’ system of recognition. It seeks to shape the very Identity of the individual in todays terms through the barrage of propaganda that has seeped into the very realities of our perception.
To re-instate my idea used at the beginning, i would suggest that you are trying to sort out is whats real in your identity as a human being and what is perceived (by outside forces) to be your identity. i can only compare it to an observation i made about cake; how much is just ‘icing’ and how much is the actual ‘cake’ ?
I am not at all trying to guide you into rejecting any concept of beauty in society and swearing off lipstick/makeup. i happen to enjoy dressing up as androgynous and putting on makeup for its aesthetic quality.
And to answer your question above, i do not think that being a women sucks. just as there are temperature changes in the seasons, will there be positives and negatives in our experiences as people in this world. certainly our gender roles have this. but they can be shaped by you just as they have been shaped by others. i think it is possible to be proud of one’s gender in whatever way they see fit. it is a hard thing to do however, when many who are ignorant or misunderstanding of such actions lash out. but it is an important piece of one’s personality and i would rather have it be me as i see me (faults and all) instead of someone else’s version of me.
My intention is purely to encourage a questioning mind to seek understanding in its surrounding environment.
sorry i kinda wrote a lot of stuff. im prone to passionate outbursts. hope it helps you in some way
@gracyfacey719, I see your point, got some questions though :)
Does being a woman suck because the outside world does not allow you to be who you are? Or that it judges your decision based on conditioned beliefs? So sucking then would be similar to not being accepted, is that it? Or does it suck, because bad things might happen to you because you are a girl?
@gracyfacey719, As a guy, it’s rough going out and having to deal with girls who think that everything is creepy. I don’t run into hardly ever, but it’s the sort of thing that ruins a day. I think this is the kind of thing that comes from reactive judgement that seems to be ingrained into modern culture. Where do you go to get away from judgement? I guess it’s just the variance of the game.
I run into this kind of dilemma, like you deal with makeup, with coffee drinking. Where as you feel that makeup is necessary to be human I feel like I have to have coffee to deal with people, which is not true. I do fine without it, and really I don’t like coffee like you don’t like makeup.
Maybe try “the power of suggestion.” It’s like where you stand infront of a mirror without any makeup on and tell yourself that you look pretty/beautiful and that you like how you look. Eventually you’ll believe it.
I know it’s hard to be a woman, I’m very sorry that you feel held back by this sick and uninformed society. I do as well but on the other end. I honestly loathe the fact that we have to play a ridiculous game with the other sex in order to be closer together, it seems arbitrary to me. I really don’t know why but that aspect of this life feels very wrong deep inside sometimes it’s hard to feel human when all of that comes naturally for the others. On the inverse of what your saying I would honestly go to great lengths to have women look at me the way men do to you when you go out. It really really hurts to feel unwanted and unappreciated and even though I’m still quite young it feels like I’ll never find that someone compatible with me, girls of today like to be entertained yet I like to read and learn etc idk what to do. I guess it’s bad all over, we all are in pain I hope yours is soothed soon :)
@gracyfacey719, Hi there.
When I used to think about what it would be like to be a girl, I was like: Boy, that would suck!
When I ask myself why, it makes me think about the history of every “repressed” group.
I don’t say this as a means of offense, please do not get me wrong. What I mean is that I can relate to your pain in a sense and it seems to me that you feel like you live in a man’s world. Trapped in a cage of limited possibilities. “Guys get it easy”
This is often felt by poor people (poor x rich), “wealthy people get it easy, I wish I had more money, cuz thats the only way Ima be happy like that guy on tv”
I guess it can be expanded to a lot of situations. “If I was in that group and not in my group, my life would be paradise.”
I felt like that. I guess I can understand a lil bit.
Let me tell you something. Grouping yourself is a choice. You will find many examples of women who don’t feel like they’re the dominated gender. You will also find men who do not live in this ImTheKingOfTheJungle perspective, who do not look to women as sexual objects, who appreciate then as equal beings. These people live by their own standards. What our society did was to create artificial gender barriers. “That is a men’s thing and that is a women’s thing”. Try expanding this to other situations, maybe you will agree.
This is how I feel about this, freedom is a choice, not easy and simple to break free but it’s worth it.
It is up to you to accept this social conditioning. It also applies to the beauty standards. I would suggest you to start questioning your reasons to think being a guy is easy. Being a guy who defied the mainstream perspective of what means to be a man I tell you its not easy. Unless you wanna be a “drone”.
Question the values you have, be honest with your self. You cant miss. We’re all the same.
Peace and light.
@gracyfacey719, So good points, but men are plagued with their own gender roll issues and we have our own biological problems. I never have understood the issue with being objectified or eye-banged in public, but again, one I am a male, two an odd sexually twisted creature, happily so I might add. Hell I love when I catch people checking me out, have always found it flattering and have never had an issue with being used just for sex. It’s just an issue certain people have I suppose. And on the safety issue, I can tell you that I wish people looked out for me like they do women, but then I am way less likely to get attacked or raped than a woman is so I get it.
I am inclined to agree with some of the above posts as a kind of social/gender related cognitive dissonance seems to be forming with in you. I believe it’s just that you internally realize you are not the way society or culture seems to tell you to conform to and this engenders a since of guilt, or lack of worth, due to not fitting in, or meeting the societal gold standard, which is understandable, hell most of us feel that way I am sure.
If the girly things/look/activities/gender roles don’t appeal, don’t do them kiddo, and to add, you know damned well you’re a looker, stop being so hard on yourself.
Well to put a brighter spin on things, being a woman would be awesome, Free Drinks, Multiple orgasms, and you can (with a little assistance) make people. What’s not to like? =P
@garreto, Maybe some of it is my choice, but I honestly think it’s society more so. Thanks for your input!
@gracyfacey719, What do you mean when you say its societys choice? You mean they’re dhoosing it for you?
I didn’t understand. Could you clarify please?
@garreto, Not that there choosing it for me, but those roles are kind of already set? I suppose that’s what I mean. Like me (most likely) having something done to me when I got off work, rather then a man being there alone? Things like that.
@gracyfacey719, I understand now. Yes the roles are set, and they’re not changing overnight. There are ways to come around though. If you feel physically threatened maybe you should take a class on personal defense.
I guess that where I’m to get at is: knowledge is freedom. Sure, the roles are set but you can chose on not playing this game. Try to be the master of your fate. I’ve felt limitation before. Realizing that I chose that helped to brake the chains. Trying to “fight the power” like I see many people do, if not futile most of the times, is silly. You are a woman. Feeling sorry will not change it. Complaining about it won’t either. Believe I know it is not easy.. At all. But I tell you it is possible. Focus your energy on change. Build something new out of yourself.
You said it yourself you’re not shallow, the only way it is easy being a man in our society is if you go down that road. And to be honest and don’t think that’s easy.. It may be comfortable.. I know I wouldn’t go back down that road. Would you go from being a woman to being a shallow man? Out of comfort?
Sometimes we think we already know all that is to life. All the paths you can go, all the things you can choose. If you persist towards freedom you will be amazed at how life gets simpler.
Remember, this is just my view, I encourage you to filter through everything you read/hear. I hope I’m helping in any way.
That you may find strength and light.
@gracyfacey719, I used to think the same, I used to want to be a boy when I was younger. I still don’t like the fact that we’ve got periods and weak arms, but you know what? As I’ve come to discover myself and become more comfortable and confident in who I am, I’m happy being a woman because I’m happy being ME. I’m not a fan of how society and the media portray women either, HOWEVER, it only just makes me want to say even more “well fuck that, I’m gonna do what I want.” It’s more important for me to be valued by what I do than how I wear my makeup. If the stereotypical “feminine” traits of women and ideas of women do not match how you think and feel, then prove society otherwise and have the confidence to be the woman you want to be. Because that’s what we need in order for ideologies to be re-shaped.
This past year I’ve been living on the Caribbean coast of Colombia, and the gender stereotypes here are significantly more apparent than in the States. I cannot walk two blocks without being whistled at or catcalled, and it took a while for me to get used to men staring at me up and down when passing them on the streets. It’s intimidating sometimes. But yea, the genders are very much separated, very black and white. Even just shopping for school supplies, notebooks are either plastered with hot pink and princesses, or dark colors with monster trucks. Some of the sidewalks are just rubble, yet women stumble across them every day in high heels. It’s interesting.
The situation for women is not especially eas for women today, especially if you want to bein the “top” of the society. I belive the status and the the position of women in the society today is an enourmous problem even though I come from Sweden which is supposed to be one of the more gender equal countries in this world. I currently live in France(Paris) and it seels to be hugely more unequal here. Althoguh there is an certain acceptance of that here that is according to me a bit stronger than in Sweden. The argument that is often taken(which is very hard to defend) is that we are born different and that society has adapted to as our nature is supposed to be.
I do agree that we are born different, such as the different testosteron and estrogen levels, certain brain structure, physological differences (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences). Some of those are hard to deny although there is a discussion and we might be surprised in the future.
That said, I would like to continue with the shape of society that is not fair, I read recently in “le monde” french newspaper that 97 percent of orchestra leaders are men, okay we might have an innate difference saying that men are more interested in this area of music, but 97 percent, I believe that number is a bit too extreme(you can find those numbers way too often in different parts of society). This life might be a bit hard to endure, but I can tell you to see these differenties even if they do not hurt me directly are highly hurtful.
About makeup, I prefer every women so far until today without makeup of whom I have seen with and without, okay I can sometimes add another effect, I do not think it should be standardised for that. It is too symbolic for me, loss of time, consumption (in a certain way less necessary according to me), norms and most of all if you decide to go without have in mind that according to your “reason” it is possible to live a good life without makeup and that the people you meet whom does not like your action can be people that did not turn out to be so important, that people who can “reason” can as well distinguish “social conditioning” and see how you are avoiding something that might be unnecessary in our society.
There are more men like me who try, maybe not as good as we can, at least a little bit to think and change what is within our short reach.
You are not alone.
@gracyfacey719, Truthfully, there are many advantages and many disadvantages to being a female. Yes, a lot of our insecurity is conditioned. It’s literally insane how many girls are obsessed with weight and image. I definitely feel the effects of this obsession in my own mind sometimes too. In fact I’d say most if not all of that is socially conditioned through media and “norm”s. The beauty of that though, is that once you’re aware, you can step beyond the conditioning.
As far as the makeup thing, you get used to not having makeup on once you start going without it every once in a while. Just start gradually wearing less and less. It starts feeling natural and even better because you’re comfortable with your real face. I see my brother maybe once a year and last time I saw him he commented on how I didn’t have makeup on and I should… usually this would make me instantly worry about how I look, this time I just laughed because I’m comfortable with my face now, due to training myself to be.
It’s all in your head and even if someone does comment, see it as them displaying their brainwashed and socially conditioned ridiculousness.
@gracyfacey719, As a woman, I feel repressed by society . . . I definitely feel that “pressure” to behave in a certain way or manner. For instance, I have a job where appearance is important I deal with a lot of wealthy clientele, and therefore it is necessary to make them feel comfortable. I am a completely different person when I’m not at the office. And while I understand that professionalism is expected from everyone in a work environment like mine, I can’t help but feel that it would be more acceptable for a man to come in looking disheveled than if I did. Perhaps that is my own issue?
I don’t feel negative feelings towards these issues however. But it is an interesting thing to think about.
In relationships, you are usually defined as “needing protecting” there are quite a few things it is just assumed you are not good at. If I need help cooking or sewing (stereotypical female activities) I don’t assume my partner can’t help me, I ask . . . just like a would a female.
I have also faced this idea of “ownership” . . . Not that people think they actually own me or are crazy possessive. But most relationships I have had, men feel the need to “keep what is theirs” . . . they can become threatened easily by other men, even women. I never let this become an issue, but it is definitely something I have observed. However, I have observed some pretty possessive women as well.
I think it is more important how you feel about it. I am grateful to be a woman in the country I am in, vs other some other parts of the world. I think that is an important thing to consider too . . .