Uncertainty doubt & the desire to see beyond
So im totally taken over by the desire to be with someone and couldn’t imagine admiring someone more.
I learn that they have in the past engaged in something that I find impossible to not think about, something that I really disappreciate and something that when thought about generates a bad response, i feel disgusted and let down.
I’m aware of and am trying to focus on that; although I do not like what I have learned it has not changed the person I am admiring and is a part of who they are today just like any other previous experience they have had.
I wish that my ability to realise the above to be true was alone sufficient for banishing the thought of what it is the person has done that I dislike. However I feel right now that I am unable to “banish” the thought but rather inevitably let it attack my happiness and destroy the relationship I value so much.
Does anybody have any advice or possible ways of processing what I have learned in such a way that I will become more able to “banish” the thought and think instead rationally.
Any advice would be apprecaited, urgently too.. I really need to get to sleep soon.
Thanks in advance and sorry if this entry is a bit shit – not exactly entered whilst level headed.
@patrickparish, Unfortunately ‘banishment’ isn’t really an effective way of dealing with negative events and emotions. In my experience, the only way to deal with it is to either learn acceptance or allow their history to destroy your relationship. I am not suggesting either is better – it’s up to you to decide whether or not you WANT to overcome your issue with their actions.
If you do, perhaps learning more about it may help you. Although it might be difficult because you’d prefer to ignore it, allowing them to explain their motivations or their feelings then and now about the action could help you empathize with them and understand it better. If this isn’t sufficient, it would help to examine the relationship between this past action and their current personality/circumstances – if it doesn’t affect who they are now in a significant way, then simply treat the case as an isolated incident and focus on what you really love about this person and how that outweighs one action or mistake.