The past looks so vibrant when looked at through the glass of now.
Later, now will be just as vibrant.
If I look hard enough, will I find that magic now?
Instead of waiting until it’s gone
to know that it was there,
And that magic always seems to be
a hidden promise
that then was better than now.
That there was more love,
I long for poison
to be attached to someone
so that their loss
would be my tragedy.
Because their presence,
is now my victory
I long for such a bearer of pain
because they bear that much joy as well.
To love so much
To depend on another
to feel the magic in my heart
means I have no responsibility.
I can surrender to the magic.
To that one person.
And be whisked away.
So when I look back into the past
I see all the times I could have felt
the love and joy of life.
And I long for it stupidly
as if I can’t feel it now.
Why must I surrender to another human
to feel that magic for me?
Why not surrender
or the universe?
what’s the difference?
I know the broken hearted place where this comes from. The living in the past. I can sit for hours consumed in my thoughts of what feels like better days gone by. Thank you for meeting us in the now, if even for a short while, to share this poem. Keep writing — your poem is meaningful and appreciated. I wish I could tell you how the journey ends, but I’m on the same path as you…
I know the place this poem comes from. The heartache. The sense of having joy slip through your hands and the need to inhabit the past to retain it. Seeing the paths diverge and regretting your decision. Acknowledging that to be whole you had to stop searching. The one you long for and the universe are one in the same, as are you, allow yourself to be absorbed in the cosmic oneness. Make yourself whole, rediscover the self you love, and then start out again.
Elegantly said and so true. I’m glad this poem reached someone else who has been in this same emotional state. Unfortunately rationale can be weak in the face of emotions, and sometimes we need time to weaken the emotions before we can regain control.
I keep coming back to this poem. There is a lot of TRUTH in it.
“and I long for the [the love and joy] of life stupidly, as if I can’t feel it now. Why must I surrender to another human to feel that magic for me?”
That is one of the strongest lines in there, I believe. It represents our search for fulfillment externally. The fact that we search externally is the reason we need to search at all – fulfillment is right before our eyes (well, behind actually :P) It’s so difficult to change that pattern of thinking though, especially when you’ve learned to live off of the love and support of someone else.