It is rather humorous that everybody has their own definition of virgin or virginity, and they know when they “lost” their virginity, or when they “took” someone else’s. It’s humorous to me because I agree with Jessica Valenti- Virginity does not exist. Virginity can mean different things to different people at different times, depending on the circumstance. So I suppose, virginity can be nothing or everything depending on who you are and where you are. The legitimacy debate over virginity aside- We still have a problem. Women are consistently judged on the status of their so-called virginity. This may seem so “normal” in our society, but really it has direct and indirect effects on the psyche of women across the globe. Sexuality and being sexual are purely personal endeavors, so it is not fair for society’s judgmental eyes to be scanning each woman’s individual sex life. There should be no limits nor expectations of women and the way they want to indulge in sexual contact. Society has created “virginity” and assigned contradictory meanings to it. If I have it correct, according to American pop culture, women are supposed to be extremely white, extremely blond, extremely sexy, not too smart, but very sexual. Oh, and we’re not supposed to actually fuck because that would taint our purity. With these paradoxical messages and contradictions in our heads, WHAT IS A WOMAN TO DO?!?!?
The answer: Follow your heart. Trying to follow what other people or the media want can only lead to heartbreak. So be super sexual! Be abstinent! Be somewhere in between. Just be YOU.
@shellyjeangreen, You’ve got the right idea. Just be you.
I’ll be the first (male) to tell you that the same sort of stigma plagues “us” as well. Dude who’ve yet to “lose their virginity” are almost looked down upon if at or around their high school years and beyond. It’s pretty fucked up honestly. Who cares if you have sex or not. It’s a choice, not an obligation.
@shellyjeangreen, I read something like this on the internal acceptance movement blog a little while ago and it made me feel so good! Having sex for the first time isn’t losing anything, it is GAINING something- an experience. The person’s blog I read preferred to call it her “sexual debut” as opposed to losing her virginity… which I thought sounded a little silly..but I still loved the idea… We shouldn’t assign such judgement to something that is so natural and happy.
My tongue ridiculed my wiener for 4 years cause he lost his virginity that much earlier.
Those were bad times :(
But now my wiener’s laughing at my tongue because he gets the job done way more often now.
… What am I talking about…
Anyway. I agree with everything you said. Taylor makes good points as well. One of my good mates (25) only “lost his virginity” a couple of months ago and we gave him a fair bit of shit for it.
It seems like such a silly thing though..
@shellyjeangreen, First, I have to say that I was pretty excited when I saw Jessica Valenti’s name mentioned in your post. I just read her book “Full Frontal Feminism” for a class last semester. At first, I thought she was harsh, but she made very thought-provoking statements. I also want to say that you make a very great point and I am glad that I had the guts to click on this post.
I fully believe that the stigma that follows virginity is different in every culture. And I don’t just mean culture as a country by country thing. I mean it to describe the very personal worlds that we live in: our college campuses, workplaces, high schools, our neighborhood block. Moving from my small hometown to a big city for college, my culture changed drastically. I went from a town where the majority of people thought I was an outstanding, virtuous person for being a virgin to a college dorm and campus in the inner city where I am ridiculed by so many. I think the expectation you talk about for women is generally the same, but it changes ever so slightly by situation. For example, in my college culture, I am supposed to be blonde, skinny, EXTREMELY intelligent, involved with 10 things on campus, and a pro in bed. So much of this is perspective..