As controversial as everything I’m going to say right now may seem, you really will agree with me at some point in your life. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe one night when everything seems fine, or one night when nothing at all seems fine, it will sink in.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “It’s all been done before.”, but the reality of this statement is that yes, literally everything has all been done before. All of the tears, all of the drugs, all of the shit you think separates you from everyone else on some remote level… no. It’s all been done before. Someone, somewhere, in some place of existence has done exactly what you’re regretting. No matter what fucked up thing you have done, someone else is doing the exact same fucked up thing as well.
You can take the reality of this statement to some level and think, “I’m just like everyone else no matter how different I feel (or have convinced myself to feel)”, or you can think beyond these terms. Realize that at the same time that you’re completely different, you are highly and most definitely the exact same, and the struggle that we put in our lives, (yes, it just doesn’t magically appear, our reactions to situations create struggle) is our attempt at being different, which, ironically, is what makes us identically the same.
So basically, the stride to be different sets us in the same position as everyone else.
This is beautiful. A reminder to stop judging ourselves and to melt into the oneness. Self-reflection, self-loathing, sense of self — all ego trying to keep us from discovering the infinite.