Inspired by another topic about friendship I always kind of wondered what other people actually consider to be a good friend. I believe there are all different levels of friendship but what exactly do people like in a friend sometimes I wonder. Personally I have a lot of friends I would consider close in terms of how often I hang out with them but sometimes I still feel like they can be shallow…. what do you guys think?
@garret99, Not trying to demean your thoughts or anything, but what the fuck does it matter what constitutes a “friend?” Like, what good will it do you to compartmentalize the relationships in your life? Are you simply curious? If that’s it, I’d encourage you to direct your curiosity elsewhere; some place able to transform from such eager inquiry.
@garret99, someone that you can tell anything to without holding back and they will actually listen and take the time to really BE in the conversation, someone who goes out of their way for you and vice versa, someone who you can call to hang out and who also calls you, someone who brings out at least a part of your good qualities.
@theskafish, But what does it matter man? Sweet. You’ve offered a definition of friendship. Now what? I’m really not trying to rain on this particular thread’s parade, but I fail to see the breadth of it. What am I missing? Again, sorry for the agitation. I’m simply curious as to how this stuff works to better ourselves.
@optimystic, all opinions welcome of course, however I will present why I bring up this question!
I honestly believe friendships play a huge role in everyones life my own included. I enjoy time to myself to think and all but I believe life is about having great experiences and making lasting connectons because I myself find a lot of things more enjoyable when shared with others! However in my life and in general I find it hard to find good friends and I myself struggle with whether I am judging those i say arent good friends to harshly or whether or not I should be searching for a different type of friend.
It might sound redundant to you but to me it is not, by asking this question to any person I believe hearing other peoples thoughts on what they find enjoyable in friendship and how they have found good friends could be enjoyable/useful! I dont expect everyone to think that way but it is something I often consider.
@theskafish, Those are good qualities see it seems like I have a lot of friends that I think im close too but I dont believe they would share anything with me and I dont trust them with anything myself often because I dont think theyd care, maybe its just because were guys I dont know maybe I need to be less philosophical but I dont feel liek it.
@garret99, I appreciate that man.
I only feel that we are too quick to discount nature and other organic entities in favor of other humans, at least while discussing friendship.
I think what you mean to say is that RELATIONSHIPS play a huge role in everyone’s life, in which I would agree. You incline to say friendships, however, which I would argue to be a very dangerous proposition. Certainly, great experiences are able to be had with others, BUT AS WELL with the natural world. Nature as I have said. The silence. Art. All of these things yearn to be appreciated, to be experienced and to be interacted with. You can’t hear them shout out to you, but they do man. They fucking do. Consider that which you cannot at first perceive! Surprise lurk around every corner. Happy hunting.
@garret99, someone who is loyal, supportive of your goals and ambitions, and unconditionally loves you even when you’re down and out! One of the most important for me is someone who can just sit with me in silence and not care or feel awkard about it :)
@beyond , wow, exactly what i was thinking. ”be a friend”. when people talk about friends and friendships it seems like it never occurs to them what *they* have to do or what *they* have to *be*. Maybe it just goes without saying. that could be a reason. but…
But, yeah, ”Be a friend” is kinda like a life philosophy for me. (not ”if you want a friend” necessarily – for me, not at all – but just because. They need one :) )
I have to mention other aspects, though
1. What I truly appreciate and need (and find) in my best friends:
– Being able to think out loud and to be completely honest (I think trust and communication are the most important issues)
– Being able to keep a conversation / debate / argument going. Some people get scared off when there is a difference of opinions, and instead of discussing it, they’d rather hide it somewhere dark and dusty. That’s just not how I roll. :D
– The fact that, even if we don’t see each other for weeks (or not even talk for that matter), when we do, it’s like the last time we talked was yesterday. :)
(the only reason for that is just different schedules, college, work, different ”free hours” so to speak)
– the capacity of being completely open with our opinions of one another. I can tell them when they ”go wrong”, and they can and must do the same for me; what good a friend if he turns a blind eye if you make mistakes without realising it, just to avoid ”conflict”.
– the randomness factor. the freedom of sharing any random thought, idea, observation, anything, ANY TIME
– I don’t know, at some point you develop a sort of telepathy… it’s beautiful :)
2. Another aspect is that, if I help a friend of mine, I cannot say on my part ”that’s what friends do”. Because I would’ve done the same thing for someone else, too. I don’t think that just because you know someone just for a short time / don’t have a ”history” / is not that close to you yet, it’s not ”worth” your attention / aid. I mean, I cannot ”discriminate” between my friends and other people. (I’ve seen enough people that wouldn’t bother that much for someone, on the premise that ”we’re not friends”… ”why would I care” )
I do my best to be there for anyone in need of an open heart to listen with honesty and compassion.
3. In spite of all that, I have just a few close and dear friends that I truly trust. And it takes a looong time for me to be ”completely sure” of someone or to add them to my ”circle of trust”. Fewer people I keep as friends of mine than I am a friend for others.
And one of the most important things, ”A person who is nice to you but is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person.”
A friend is somebody you can count on, all the time, and in any situation. I know this sounds kinda simple, but i can’t find any other words to express it… It is a person with whom you can truly be yourself. He/she knows you, and you know him/her to the core.
Someone who can listen to your darkest memories and thoughts and still be there for you. That offers good advise and does’nt just tell you what you want to hear. Takes a genuine interest in your happiness and has a solid grounding of right and wrong. Your life can change dramatically if easily influenced by the wrong kind of friends.