What do you think of monogamy?

 lastunicorn (@lastunicorn)6 years, 9 months ago

I think arguing about whether monogamy is natural or not is pointless because we can’t separate nature from nurture, and countries around the world have developed with all sorts of relationships, from monogamous to polygamous (polyandrous and polygynous). So they all can work and are possibilities. The thing is, I’ve noticed many people in the US automatically feel “cheated” and heartbroken when their significant other falls in love with someone else, or does something romantic with someone else. Isn’t it possible to love two people at once? Shouldn’t a relationship just be based on genuine trust, honesty, and love? Why is monogamy such a rigid standard in the US? Is there a better way to have relationships? Can’t we have a society where we love as we wish? (gay, lesbian, bisexual, monogamous, polygamous) It’s harder to pinpoint these types of relationships, but it also leaves us freer to fall in genuine love and trust…when you’re bound to one other person by a ring, doesn’t that mean you’re chaining the person you love to you? If you really love and want the best for them, why would you do that? It’s easier to remain in love when you are free to do so. That’s when it’s real. Not when you’re forced to be with someone. I think that’s when love dies.

September 12, 2014 at 4:39 pm
Quincy (0) (@lionhare) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Well I think this idea is changing a bit nowadays. We all know that marriage and relationships can be confining and how illogical they seem in many situations. For me, I think being able to be in a relatioinship without any kind of title is a very genuine thing that often works out better in many situations because without titles there is a possibility to build a stronger relationship when some of the responsibilities don’t have to be tended to as often as a marriage would require. All in all its really up in the air… I’ve never been in a situation where I or a partner have been in love with other people and personally there would guilt if the love scale seemed imbalanced. We have also reached in our history for the first time that more adults are now single than in a relationship which is a significant shift in regards to the idea of even being in a relationship. I know that in many places in europe people don’t see marriage as a requirement to make things work, rather a genuine commitment? perhaps but its a cultural thing here where marriage shows that extra effort to commit yourself to someone else and share all/half your shit with someone else.

I’m not gay or bisexual but I think anyone could potentially have romantic feelings for someone of the same sex, most people just have a very narrow minded few of what “love” could be, I haven’t been in such a situation – with that being said I think this current shift also shows that people are tired of settling and want to have honest-to-god, genuine, soulmate-ish? relationships and people are willing to wait 90% of their lives to find that person so that last 10% would be unspeakably worth waiting for.

With all this in mind polygamy is too primative for me unless the feelings could be shared unilaterally. I think it would be awesome and very possible but sex and love are still very new concepts to man in the sense that they can be enjoyed freely without obligation, as opposed to a forced marriage and sex to consummate it ya know?

One last thing – I think many people still view marriage as a security blanket. I know there are many American and Chinese, and many others, that would rather be married and crying in the back of a BMW than happy on the back of a bicycle < someone actually uttered this from their face…

…but I hope some of this helps, at least from a single dude’s point of view… many possibilities very few outcomes. Where are you from if you don’t mind me asking @lastunicorn?

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lastunicorn (45) (@lastunicorn) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

you mean location? I’m from CA

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I think you’ve said it all with your last two sentences. The problem is a person doesn’t feel cheated and heartbroken when someone they cared about falls in love. They feel heartbroken when they find out that their significant other is unfaithful and hides the truth from them, which is a significant failure in communication. It makes a person feel betrayed that they are in a relationship with a person they cannot count on, a person who isn’t honest about what’s important. It also makes a person feel stupid they invested trust in someone who isn’t sure about what they want. We already have a society where we love as we wish. That creates problems because the same society puts the relationship factor as most important and seeking pleasure before considering other people’s wishes. It’s a selfish society. Monogamy and polygamy are the least of its problems.

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Have you heard of mass moon weddings? Look it up really interesting.

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Nope. “Born in Jeongju, North Korea in 1920, Moon founded his religious movement in 1954. He said that when he was 15 Jesus appeared to him and demanded he set up God’s kingdom on Earth.” Wasn’t The Bible banned in North Korea? I’m getting confused. Really curious, though.

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

The wedding part is what’s interesting because people from all over the world can attend the wedding which is once every year. Parents that attend the religion sign their kids up for it so that their marriage is predetermined. A bunch of people think it’s really messed up but they have a really successful. Marriage rate of people that are happy. Plus they marry people from around the world so it’s like the ideal way to create unity and peace in the world.

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I thought hmm this must be about mahogany wood they just misspelled it. Then I realised it wasn’t and was so disappointed because I really wanted to talk about hand crafted furniture.

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Hmm k. I like the idea of monogamy, because humans are pack mammals. If we use wolfs as a reference we can see the beauty in it. Wolfs mate for life and they travel in families. A wolf won’t mate again after the other is deceased. I always like seeing the history of mankind and the stories of astonishing men. However, the story about the wife that supported them is equally fascinating. Ghandi’s wife, Jefferson’s wife. Are both great reads. I think of the monogamy relationship like water and Gatorade mix. Here man is just a simple bottle of water but then a woman comes in his life and shakes it all up. Now your complete. However, if you want a bit of cherry and limeade and cola in your bottle be my guest. All I know is I like it simple with just one flavor. Monogamy is meant to enhance the male figure it does not support the woman figure all though with more guys being stay at home fathers now that’s not necessarily true. But in this relationship the sole purpose is to better that one other person who is the driving source of income while you guard the children. That to me is a beautiful system and it has worked before mankind came in to existence. Therefore it’s as natural as natural can be to me.

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I like the pack/tribe feeling too. But I’m not sure if it always only benefits the man, or even just one of the people in general. Some people’s personalities are happiest being more of a servant to someone else so even though there is usually a dominant and submissive role I think both people are usually getting what they need. I like gender roles but I don’t think it’s right or wrong either way. Nothing is. I just think what is natural for each person should be followed. No one can force themselves into a model of something because they believe it’s right. It is sad to me though that I see a lot men who don’t really see how much their woman supports them, but that’s also bc they probably feel their obligations to support their family are imposed by society or something.

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I think since we can do whatever we want it mostly depends on personalities for what is best. I read something the other day that said ” why should a strange spurt of someone else’s semen affect the love between us” which I thought was true and funny. Still I would prefer to have a monogamous situation for raising children, and sexual excitement doesn’t really require lots of partners. And neither does enjoying life. The problem is mostly that people use flings to have spiritual awakenings. So I don’t see either as a necessity but it’s probably more fulfilling to have one partner and be extra sexy about the way you belong to each other.

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

The quote seems legit. No one ever beat up their wife, filed for divorce or committed murder because of cheating. So funny and true.

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Go away you bad bad man

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Everyone against stupidity is good at heart in my book, though. I mean, seriously. You’re probably the most selfish person here talking about the best ways of getting fucked while raising children. Poor children. Poor discussion. Open your mind for a change. You sound like this:

View post on imgur.com

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Hmm I don’t agree. But I did ask you to stop replying to my words. Also I was very kidding. Cue ” you don’t know how to kid anyway”

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

It’s a discussion. Not a declaration of independence. . I did tell you I can’t be non-responsive to bullshit. You’re not making bullshit any more special. Can you even elaborate on your idea of how to best raise children? If your argument is that having sex is good for raising children I’d like to know more how your pleasure seeking is related. I’m sure everyone would be curious and we might even learn something.

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

You interpret everything I say as bullshit… And not even in the way I meant it. My argument was no where near “having sex is good for raising children”

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Not everything, but that wasn’t an answer. Just answer. I won’t bite. What’s the best environment for raising children? I am sure having a loving family is important, but why is sex so important for that environment? I’m sure it’s important to you and not for the children, so I don’t really expect you to answer.

Have fun with your children!

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I don’t agree, but I really don’t want to have any discussions with you at all. I’m sure you can see the general idea from past discussions- I think the intention should be to protect their innate wisdom and reject traditions that stifle independence. I like the Montessori method and the book the Continuum Concept. I’m not to going to respond anymore.

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Thanks for contributing to the discussion. Not to me. You should be braver (with explaining in detail), because you can actually makes sense.

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lastunicorn (45) (@lastunicorn) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Alright, alright guys, I was just interested in all your opinions. No need to fight anymore, let’s take some deep breaths @jelica

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

If you have a vagina he’ll argue with you. Lol.

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I’m just going to cut in here even though this is 2 days late. Everything she said was exactly how I felt about monogamy. Not only that but she even shed some light for me that made me appreciate it even more. I’m not agreeing with her just to be fair or anything, I’m coming in from a complete neutral stand point. I can list all of the excellent points she made even and I will. Because I think it’s needed. First, being in the submissive role isn’t always a bad thing especially when partners prefer it. Two, you shouldn’t have to model your relationships to what you think is right or wrong. Three learn to really appreciate your one woman and I’ll add do this so that the relationship is better then any one you could ever have. Four, rather then getting tons of new girls learn to spice up your love life, examples and I’m adding these. Cosplay nights, extra virgin olive oil nights, shower sex, edible arrangements sex. Etc! Her last point was an opinion. She said that she personally thought monogamy was a better way to raise children and ultimately the whole reason for being in relationships is to potentially have kids one day. So I applaud everything she said. We just need to let go and accept the fact that the young lady had some better points then us. In terms of who nailed this topic it was Jellica. We can’t win them all marlin.

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I wouldn’t want my children to be raised around whores thinking about sex all the time, really, not being able think of anything else than their relationships. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t want my kids to be stupid. What will they learn? How to become selfish like them? As I said previously the selfishness of people is the reason for their problems. A too selfish parent would put monogamy or polygamy or whatever their desperate ass wants without considering what their kids needs are or other people’s views. Considering many adults are so needy and don’t make a difference between desperation and a need they won’t even have healthy relationships. That’s my point of view and if a person doesn’t understand those things they shouldn’t even talk about monogamy or polygamy if their basis is pure fantasy. I agree with Anejlica’s arguments, she could show signs of intelligence if she wants to. I’m happy she sounds more encouraging than repeating the word ‘love’ all the time. Too much talk about it isn’t proof for its existence, though.

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besser (11) (@besser) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

Start by understanding that there never was an argument. This was an opinionated conversation and if I agreed with someone it wasn’t because they won me over in a debate, but because I have similar views.

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

The world is made of relationships.Sexuality is in everything we do. The first sexual relationship we have is nursing with our mothers. When I talk about sexuality, I mean the experience of being in a physical body and merging hearts with other people not by intercourse but the basic experience of life. The intercourse of souls. Keep talking shit.

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

No. The first sexual relationship we have isn’t nursing with our mothers.

That’s based on our survival instinct, the mother’s instinct to feed their babies. This isn’t a sexual relationship, because none of them does anything sexual.

Your bullshit, though. That’s a spectacle.

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

It’s a good thing god loves ugly.

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Anonymous (17) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I guess your time was up to make sense. How is this relevant, Cinderella?

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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago
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Anonymous (12) (@) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

This thread wasn’t even about raising children. I only mentioned that if you’re going to be doing that I think it’s best for the parents to be monogamous.

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ceruleanswim (59) (@ceruleanswim) 6 years, 9 months ago ago

I’m not sure. I think that we can love different people in different ways at the same time.** And I know some people that make polyamory work. Then again, I think most lovers need a sense of loyalty and “open relationships” often leave at least one person very hurt. It’s hard to know what’s cultural and what’s innate, etc… The one consistent thing I find essential is honesty. Be honest about your feelings, desires and needs as well as commitments. I think that polyamory and monogamy can both work, given they are based on honesty. In fact I would say don’t try to categorize things, just live truth together. Passion + compassion = partnership.

**(There’s research that we do truly love different people, simultaneously, in different ways. This is touched upon nicely in Helen Fisher’s 2006 TED talk, “Why We Cheat”:

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