What is he thinking? Is it completely over now?

Swinslet (@Swinslet) 8 years, 1 month ago

Hi guys. Would really appreciate your thoughts on my current situation :)
Basically, about 2 months ago I started becoming really really good friends with a guy from school (I’m 17 going onto 18 and he is 18). I’ve known him for about a year just cos we’re in the same school but never really spoken until recently. We suddenly started spending loads and loads time together (with our mutual friends rather than alone) and speaking on the phone and skyping every night. We got along so so well and he is genuinely one the nicest and most genuine guys anyone could come across. I knew he liked me cos he kept asking for advice from our mutual friends who told me, and I kind of knew I had a crush on him too but wasn’t quite sure if I liked him properly . Anyway, he asked me out on a date (dinner and cinema) for a Sunday. On the Friday, we went to a friends house together and when he was dropping me off home we kissed for the first time after 2 months of flirting kind of being ‘together’ , the next day (Saturday), he asked me to go over to his house to just hang out and watch a film ( so this is the night before our planned date). We were like cuddling and stuff, kissing and watching the film, really sweet and he told me he really really liked me. Then as we were speaking about our friends and friendship in general, he was like ‘I still want to be best friends with you if things don’t work out between us’ which was so cute, but then he went onto say ‘cos obviously I don’t really want anything serious cos we’re going off to different universities and stuff’. And I don’t why but it really bothered me, I got quite upset and left to go home. The next morning he called and said sorry for upsetting you and that he didn’t sleep the whole night, but didnt actually take back anything he said, I told him that If he didn’t want anything then why did he act like he did this whole time and tell me he liked me. It’s quite weird cos him saying that really confirmed how much I actually liked him. Anyway, he wanted to be friends and I said that i wanted a few days, during which he messaged a few of my friends all confused asking what to do cos he really liked me but wanted to be friends but also wanted more bla bla. A few days later we were at a social event together and it was weird cos we hadn’t spoken since but there was very clearly some tension there, he was hugging me a lot and we were quite close at times but he was also staying back when I was being forward, probably cos he was trying to maintain his ‘friends only’ position. The next day I texted him asking to meet up to speak about things cos he was going away on holiday and I didn’t want to be left in confusion or doubt as to whether he’s going to change his mind. So we met up and for the first time I told him how much I liked him and that I understand his feelings of confusion and fear but that I also feel the same and that I’m not asking for this huge commitment or anything, just for us continue the way we were rather than decide to be just friends and that we could make things work. Despite having a three hour conversation I still didn’t leave knowing exactly what his reason was, he was genuinely just thinking out loud, like he was saying how he knows he’s going to fall in love with me for sure and that he doesn’t want that cos he wants to live his life as a teenager first before committing to a full on serious relationship etc. (which is weird cos I’m the first girls he’s ever had a thing with so I don’t see how he now thinks he’s suddenly going to get loads of girls and is being such a typical teenage boy about it cos he isn’t like that) but also that he wasn’t sure about the whole thing so doesn’t want to go for it because he’s in doubt. in the end I just had to accept that that was what he wanted and we said that we’d continue texting and being good friends. He’s now on holiday and has been texting me every evening just asking how I am and stuff . I just don’t really know what will happen next. Like I know i really really like him I’ve been in an awful mood and haven’t stopped thinking about him since it all happened and I don’t know if it’s just cos he’s made himself so unattainable so I just want what I can’t have. Also, he told me that he didn’t want a relationship for a while but do you think he’ll change his mind and want me back? Will us being friends just make him comfortable and not want anything more or will it make him realise that it isn’t enough and he does in fact want to be with me? I mean this whole time, it’s been him after me and me being the less keen one until the whole incident. He’s also never been in a relationship before either …

October 27, 2013 at 3:36 am
daniel (24) (@dany) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@swinslet,
Well,the fact that he can’t articulate what he really wants maybe happens because he actually doesn’t know,he’s,as you said,a teenager,he’s not very experienced with this.

You ask us to tell you the most probable outcome of this situation.I can tell you my opinion,he’s either confused and he doesn’t know what to do,or he isn’y confused at all,if he’s not confused,the only logical decision he has settled upon is that he doesn’t want a serious relationship,otherwise,he would have told you.He doesn’t tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt you,so he likes you,but not enough for a serious relationship.

At the end of the day all this is just guessing.Human beings are complex,and often not very predictable.

[Hidden]
Swinslet (0) (@Swinslet) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@dany You’re so right! I thought the same but I guess I didn’t really want to accept it so have been looking for alternative explanations/outcomes. Thank you xx

[Hidden]
Lionheart (15) (@TigerRush) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

Wait you have mutual friends telling you this stuff so go ask them.

[Hidden]
daniel (24) (@dany) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@tigerrush, do you think that this answer will help? the vibe of your answer from what i perceive is something like this ” wtf,don’t you have friends, why do you ask us,ask someone who knows you”. If you don’t have an opinion,or don’t want to share it,ok,but i don’t think it’s productive to come agressive,for nobody.The world needs love,understanding,not aggressiveness.I hope you understand what i’m trying to say.

I’m sure you are a great person,otherwise you would not be a member of this community.For this exact reason i’m telling you this,because i know you have the capacity to exteriorize love,not aggression,if only you would have a little bit more patience with people.

If i dind’t catched what you wanted to say correctly,please do say,but,this was my impression.

[Hidden]
Lionheart (15) (@TigerRush) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

Ok restart then LAWL. Have you considered the possiblity you only want him cause you know you can’t have him eg you said that you only liked the person once he said he didnt want to hurt you w/e. You are young and things like this doesn’t have to be complicated, As for the fear of being friendzoned that is just bs internet psychology and should be ignored if you like hanging with a person just hang with them…? If he doesn’t like you and your not okay with that then you can just move on etc, etc. Seemign we can conclude that anything can happen I recommend pursueing things as normal as we can’t conclude 100% he doesn’t have feelings and nothing is gonna happen i don’t see why you should just terminate whatever it is you ahve at the moment. Obviously it’s on your mind enough for you to ask advice from strangers hence just pursue things as normal. As for relationship / non-relationship i’m gonna conclude you are overthinking it . If you really want him you are allowed to take charge of things especially if he’s inexperienced in the whole dating scene, stop thinking about this relatioship paradigm as if it’s already ended JUST ENJOY THE MOMENTS MISSY. his actions can’t allow anyone on here to conclude how he feels.

[Hidden]
Swinslet (0) (@Swinslet) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@tigerrush Yeah I am a bit of an overthinker to be honest. First time I’ve posted on one of these forum things (cringed the whole time as I was posting). Thank you for your advice :) x

[Hidden]
JonH (1,139)C (@IJesusChrist) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

maybe he likes you, thinks you’re cute, and wants to have sex with you until you both split for college.

duh

what are you thinking u big dummy

[Hidden]
james (20) (@jamesjohnson) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

@ijesuschrist, That’s a bingo!

[Hidden]
weedwinewander (1) (@nwine) 8 years, 1 month ago ago

He obviously likes you but is stuck in typical pre-college mode where he wants to experience all new girls. I agree with lionheart, just live each and every MOMENT rather than thinking of the past or future. They do not exist right now, all that exists is the present. So if you want to keep spending time with him and getting close, do it right now because it’s what you want right now. Deal with the rest when you come to it. And honestly, it will not be the end of your world when he leaves for college because when you guys are back for breaks it’ll be you he wants to see. And if it isn’t, at least you guys got to have the time together you did. If it was meant to continue it would have, and maybe it will pick up in the future. But like I said, all you have is the now, so enjoy it while it’s here. You are going to take a great experience out of any relationship with him, and you obviously know that. So just do what you know will truly make you happy today.

[Hidden]
Viewing 8 reply threads
load more