So I have known this girl for long and she shares everything about her love life with me. She tells me her problems, asks me for suggestions etc. She also talks about sex with her boy friends. I am in love with this girl ; she has had 2 boyfirends till now and many fuck buddys. Everytime she tells me about these people I feel insecure, I feel like I am not worth her cause she is okay with doing soo much with other guys but when it comes to me she doesnt even give me a hug (I have social anxiety). I have started to believe that I am worthless. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve started beleiving that I am incapable and I suck. I have lost my self esteem completely. I have become worse than what I was.
Litlle bit of past: When she first met me she had a very strong and positive prejudice of me. At this time she treated me like I were king. Her decisions would depend on my decisions. She made me feel too good about myself. After getting to know me better she realized that I was different from her prejudice and then she started slowly ignoring me and treating me like shit. By this time I was in love with her and the way she made me feel.
Now she started treating me like shit, I longed for the feeling she gave me when she first met me. It just ruined me. I tried ignoring her for couple of months but I still love her. I wasnt feeling better inspite of ignoring her. There are no other girls in my life too. Now I’ve started talking to her. She told me she misses spending everyday with me. She wishes we could be there together in the same city (We studies in same UNI; She is from a different country). Should I tell her that I love her. I’ve lost myself.
you should tell her. I want to explain myself so please…
You ought to tell her for two reasons. The first and more important is for your self. Love is the oat selfish emotion I’ve experienced. and its exhilarating. That you love her isn’t for her sake so that she will have a better life, its for your own sake and pleasure. So when you tell her that you love her, it will not be to improve her life but yours. It will be a statement that your love for her is something you want to claim. Something you need to realize and make your reality. And since you do feel that way, you need to take responsibility for yourself.
Always base actions on selfishness, on self benefit, and on how your actions will affect you.
The second reason, which is not all to far from the first, is that she will reject you.
This is just my opinion, a belief, and you have every right to dismiss me and call me a fucking asshole idiot massogynistic scumbag, but i think you ought to hear me out. When you first met her, her perception of you was that you were high value. You were someone above her, someone she desired and could not get. And so in an attempt to get your attention to fuck you she started treating you like king. At that point all you had to do was make a move. Bam boom done, endo, she was in the sack. But you didn’t. And then she realized why you didn’t. It was because you give into fear. Knowing that she decided you weren’t worth shit (no offense), and she bailed on her king treatment. Since you were so unused to any of that happening you pretty much became addicted to her. You want her, and you don’t think anyone else will ever do for you what she has done. Well, now your here. Trying to decide whether on not you should bottle up your feelings and watch her from afar (which isn’t love anyways) or tell her that you love her and see if she swoons. Well you wrong on both accounts. If you confess to her she will reject you and think your a pussy. If you don’t confess you’ll actually be a pussy because you’ll be her orbiter (someone who is attracted to a girl, thinks the world of her, ignores her flaws, and kissed her ass). You have a scarcity mindset. You have no wymen. You have ONEitis. You need to find some new girl and pursue her, then do it again, and again, and again and again until you don’t recognize yourself anymore. And that is the only path to happiness in my mind for you. If you do not, you will wallow in despair over this girl for months, maybe even years, and then simply reattach yourself onto another girl in the same manner, and maybe merry her. After she had a lot of crazy sex with a lot of guys that aren’t you.
So go, confess to her, it will be good for you. Eventually she will leave and you will need to face the truth that she never really did love you and that there is an endless sea of pussy in avery major city on the globe. And that she, alas, was just another one of the many.
Change your mindset
I think the reason you love her is because of how she made you feel in the beginning. Understand that, she was chasing something she didn’t think she could have. Also, understand you are doing the same. You feel like she is untouchable and that makes her more desirable. As humans, we tend to desire what we can’t have. But you know the saying, the grass in greener on the other side. You think you want that, but you may not really love her for who she is. I think you should tell her, but do not have any expectations of what she will do. Tell her for you. If she is not interested, find someone who makes you feel the way she did when you first met. But be yourself while searching. If you have social anxiety, trying to be someone you’re not by attempting to “scoring a bunch of pussy” is not going to help you find someone who makes you feel like the badass you are! ;) Don’t base your self worth on someone who doesn’t know their own… Good luck.