What the fuck is happening to me?

Okay, I don’t really know if this is the right place to be seeking guidance, but I just feel really really lost at the moment. I’m 17 years old and living in Scotland with my parents. I lived in Australia for 6 months with my aunt and uncle and got back a month ago..

The thing about my problem is that it’s very complicated and I don’t really think any psychologists/psychiatrists are qualified to help me. I’m going through an existential depression. I’m a deep philosophical thinker and every second of the day I just can’t believe any of this is even real, and I hate generally how fucked up everything is and how docile people have been made by our corrupt criminal government. Why are the vast majority of people so blind? It’s like everyone is in some sort of trance or something.. I mean seriously, we’re a bunch of talking heads that are somehow able to interpret this ‘reality’, walking around doing random shit on this spinning rock we call the Earth which is flying through the universe at 700 million miles an hour. What the fuck? Why are people so preoccupied with such trivial bullshit like soap operas, game shows, celebrities, money, vanity, popularity etc that they never even stop and think about the big picture. I mean just look at yourself in the mirror, and think “What am I looking at?” Don’t tell me you know what all of this is because you don’t. You might fool yourself into thinking that you do if it helps you sleep at night, but you don’t know shit. “Keep calm and carry on.”

Our world is being run by criminals and the sad part is the majority think we are free because they operate in secret. They basically hijacked the financial system making it debt based and therefore hijacking the government. We’re all slaves with invisible handcuffs because there is more debt to these assholes than money to pay it back with (Look up fractional reserve lending because I don’t have time to explain it). I’m pretty sure we’re also headed into world war 3 pretty soon which is terrifying (Watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HP7L8bw5Q…

I’ve always wanted to help make a difference in my life but lately I’ve been struggling with my sanity. It all started before I went to Australia and I was at a party on mdma (ecstasy) and a switch just flipped in my brain and I’ve had so much weird shit happening to me lately that I cannot for the life of me explain. On that night (actually it was about 7 am when everyone was coming down, everyone started chanting in synchronous and I felt this weird unsettling sensation all throughout my body which cannot be described effectively in words.. It was like my whole being was being ripped apart. I was really freaked out at this point, but to make it even worse whenever I spoke to someone they would say whatever I was thinking.. How the fuck is that even possible? The next day I was the only one who could recall that hour, everyone else said that they blacked out at the same time and they all said something weird happened.

Ever since then, I’ve had all kinds of weird shit that I can’t explain like dreams where I’ve predicted the next day, and (this one sounds retarded but I’m definitely not imagining it) whenever I walk past lots of people, about one in 5 points their tongue at me and wriggles it around like a fucking freak. At first I thought I was imagining it but now it happens every time I go out and other people have noticed it around me too. Also I’m having terrible nightmares that are extremely vivid involving demons, witches, snakes etc. I’m starting to get used to all this crap but at the same time I want to kill myself. I hate going outside and being around people now and I feel like I’m literally cursed.

I’ve developed a serious drinking problem and I barely like leaving the house anymore unless I’m buying more alcohol. I drink at least a bottle of wine a day, sometimes two, which is way way above the recommended amount. I can’t sleep without it anymore.

My relationship with my parents is slowly declining as well. They want me to find a job but I can’t bear being around people anymore unless I’m drunk. Last night I decided to go out to the clubs and ended up spending all my money. It takes over an hour to walk home and it was freezing, so I called my mum and asked if she could pay for a taxi, and she said no.. I got about halfway and then saw a taxi and just thought fuck it. I got in and when I got home I went to my parents’ room to ask for the taxi money and my dad got really really pissed off and said no. I begged him because the taxi was sitting outside and I didn’t know what to do. That’s when he started getting physical and he hit me (Which is not like him at all) And I punched him in the face which made him fall to the ground. My mum decided to come down and pay for the taxi but I feel fucking awful. I feel trapped inside of my head, inside of this goddamn nightmare and I want to end it and kill myself, but I’m too scared to do it. I’ve never been so scared and I don’t know what to do.

I hate how reality is all in your head. According to Indian philosophy there are two realities; manifest and absolute. The absolute is the underlying reality of everything which you cannot directly experience, and manifest is your perception – your own little world which you can’t escape. Everything that you are seeing right now is simply an image in your mind based on your sensory input, and while things seem solid and physical, that is in fact still part of the illusion created by your mind. Just because as humans we are all experiencing the phenomena of solidarity/physicality doesn’t necessarily make that the true nature of the universe in which we find ourselves.

I scared that nobody has the answers. Sure you get deep thinkers who give it their best shot to try and figure life out but to no avail. For all we know, we could be some kind of alien experiment, or perhaps living in the matrix or perhaps something even more fucked up. I hate not knowing.

It’s getting harder and harder for me to relate to anything, and I don’t think anyone can help me which is the terrifying part.

June 29, 2013 at 6:53 am

The topic ‘What the fuck is happening to me?’ is closed to new replies.

Ray Butler (1,423)M (@trek79) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

@xxtobixx47 No, sociopathy is an overwhelming lack of empathy, generally sociopaths are quite accomplished in social interaction, they are confident and charming, but there is no underlying compassion.

Generally empathy is a prerequisite of philosophical thinkers.

Psychiatrists and psychologists are educated in emotional motives, sociopaths have severe emotional lack, philosophers are just behaving according to normal emotions.

You see, it is not about the complexity of thoughts, it is about the emotions that are being provoked.

Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

It really satisfy my existential crisis and my outlook on people when I realize they have the potential to become enlightened and more powerful then me. Everyone on earth who is mentally capable have that potential. It’s just how they go about their potential that counts. Everyone is exactly equal being wise, who equally exercise their ability of free will to become and realize who they really are. Just in totally different ways. Maybe it’s not most people time to yearn truth.

I let people bask in their bliss and wouldn’t say a word unless I see a spark. Let them enjoy the universe as the see fit.

JustInTime (3) (@JRFiliaggi) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

@Stormy-Colt I briefly read through a few of your posts and generally understand your situation. I want to give you some straightforward advice on you’re concern with ignorant people, WWIII, etc. Here’s the thing, you have no control in this life on what others think, say or do. If the world collectively initiates WWIII, so be it. What you must realize is the only person you can ever have a direct influence on is YOU. You MUST accept this fact. Others will choose to follow you’re way of thinking, lifestyle, etc. only if THEY choose to, just look at all the people on here responding to your plight, they believe in you because they choose to believe in you. While we are all truly one in this world together, extreme individualistic thinking, greed, and egotistical mindsets have de-railed the path to collective enlightenment. Again, the way to working back to a sustainable society starts with YOU. People become obsessed with changing the world before they ever think of changing themselves. WE must reverse this thinking. I truly believe we’re all looking out for the best interest of one-another, people however, have a fucked up way of going about this. YOU are on the right path, continue to pursue what YOU inherently believe is right and do not let others bring you down, simply smile and give them the love they desperately seek!

tofu (1) (@tofu) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

You are fine. You are absolutely fine. Many of us have been in the same headspace and, at decades older, are kind of happy with how life is. Please stick around, and please keep engaging with life. The shallow-ish people you’re talking about need us to help them. Your interpretation of life is not wrong. Just know it gets way less scary and way more interesting the more you stay attentive and engaged.

genesis-of-mind (35) (@Genesis-of-mind) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

@stormy-colt, sounds to me like you’re experiencing derealisation/depersonalisation, it’s something that happens when a person is anxious or depressed, and it’s nothing be ashamed of or scared of. Especially considering you mentioned alcohol, it can make derealisation often seem worse, so can drugs.

Has anything happened to you recently, maybe something painful or just out of the ordinary? You can PM me if you want

genesis-of-mind (35) (@Genesis-of-mind) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

I really need to learn how to read dates.

tweedfox (0) (@tweedfox) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

Hello there Stormy guy, fellow Scot here although twice your age…
You’ve received a lot of wise and thought provoking advice from this forum. I’ve not had time to read through it all however I’d like to address one simple factor that has been hinted at but as far as I’ve read not been explicitly pointed out.

Alcohol is a depressant. If you are drinking a bottle of wine a day you are going to be depressed. Your thoughts are going to be muddy, your senses will be dulled. I love a glass or three of tasty rioja with a beautiful meal but it’s a treat, a sensual indulgence to be enjoyed with awareness.. We Scots have a difficult relationship with alcohol, it’s normalised to a great extent in our culture that it’s easy to forget that it’s an addictive poison. If you don’t want to be a ‘sheeple’, (you probably walk past me and others in sainsburys thinking we’re sheeple but in time, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.. ) then buck the trend for alcoholism. Self control is the ultimate strength. Lose the booze and pay respect to your body. You’re a clever guy, you know the universal rule is that you only get back what you put in, right?

The body is a machine that responds to the fuel you feed it. The mind follows.. Poisoned body = poisoned mind.
Become clear headed, it’s essential for your development. Physical exercise will bring you clarity and joy (seriously! ). Employment will teach you about the value of time and the importance of personal goals. Too much free time can be as harmful as alcohol, thinking incessantly without action is bondage.

Please above all, respect your family, they are trying their best.. your parents are also only humans muddling through this life but they love you.

Finally, be kind. To yourself and everyone else you have the power to touch. It’s all any of us can do. x

karoucio (2) (@karoucio) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

@stormy-colt read Frankie Boyles book ‘Work Consume Die’. For some reason you reminded me of him? You might be able to relate to that. And it might make you laugh at yourself.

karoucio (2) (@karoucio) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

@stormy-colt, read Frankie Boyle’s book ‘Work Consume Die’. For some reason you reminded me of him? You might be able to relate to his humor in things. And it might make you laugh at yourself.

Anonymous (0) (@) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

my roomate’s step-sister makes $84/hour on the internet. She has been fired from work for 8 months but last month her income was $12050 just working on the internet for a few hours. visit the site


stephanie (7) (@stephgarcia84) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

First of all Breathe. You are actually going to be alright. This overbearingly negative person is not you. You know who you truly are deep down and that’s what needs to be going on in your mind. That’s what you need to focus on.You are not your thoughts. Thoughts are simply manifestations of the ego telling you there’s something wrong with you And they’re energy that pass through the mind. You cannot choose to cling on to it. Let it go in and come right out don’t cling onto any negative thoughts. Express them if you have to, release them and move on being your happy self.What you have is a gift , what you were given was a gift. You might think it’s not but just hear me out. Like many people you’ve probably had a spiritual awakening and I know because I went throughout the EXACT same thing. There’s no point in asking for help or advice if you’re just going to be hardheaded and dismiss what people are trying to tell you. You’ve awakened to see the physical reality of this realm. And once you’re awakened you notice that everyone else is still in a deep sleep. Be patient it isn’t their fault. That’s what yearssss of programming does to the mind. You were blessed to know the truth. Now what good would you be to humanity if you’re dead? Make it your life’s mission to awaken others and tell them what life really is. What it is suppose to be ..a pleasurable experience. Your nightmares are being brought up from the anxiety in your consciousness. Accept everything for what it is , there’s nothing you can do about the past, about what has already happened. Don’t sit here and complain about this fucked up world when a part of the problem is you. You sit there and judge it rather than help it. You’ve actually become more tuned with the universal energy. We are all connected whether you want to believe it or not. You’ve tapped into the system. You are really sensitive to energy which is why you feel you never want to go out. You’ve expanded your consciousness meaning you’re not limiting the soul. There is no time in reality which is why your soul can for tell tomorrow’s events or why your predictions are accurate and why when you think of someone they appear. Btw drinking will only make it worse. Alcohol is a depressant and suppresses the mind. Stay away from it. The negative energy you have is being absorbed and felt by those close to you which is why to your surprise your dad hit you. It affects him as much as you. I’m not religious but I’m deeply spiritual. And I can tell you that god or the universe whatever you want to refer to it is real. Prayer with faith is heard. Pray so that god can ease your spirit. It works. Stop hating yourself and learn to love and accept yourself. Your purpose is never material it is spiritual. Don’t give up on yourself. Think positively, you’re inviting all they negative into your mind. Simply choose to see the glass half full and trust that you are never alone. I can say that for a fact.

anonymity (3) (@anonymity) 8 years, 7 months ago ago

@stormy-colt, it sounds like you have schizophrenic tendencies. Random people’s tounges sticking out, your distorted perceptions( what you would see when looking at yourself).

The first thing you have to do is keep calm. If it is hallucinations the calmer you are, the lessthere are going to be. (There is no book for that, iI know because I’m schizo.) If you continue looking for oddities you will find them (real or not). That doesn’t mean stop expanding your mind but really don’t go looking for things in the world that are not supposed to be there.

Second, you need to stop with ALL the drugs.
Schizophrenic or not, hardcore drugs and lack of sleep can lead to hallucinations in a normal person. And they will not help you reach your life goals. Alcohol is fine, in moderation.
You need as balanced a mind (chemically) as possible.

Your perceptions are normal. When I read, sometimes I find myself having problems reading a word I know cold. Its because I’m percepting it from the center of the word or queing off a middle letter instead of the normal exterior. Itay be different from how you see yourself in the mirror but there are certain similarities.

Truth is, this may be permanent. You’re going to have to develop thick skin and be tough. You might need to be more perceptive in the future as in understanding what can really be occuring and what can’t be. And keep in mind that you will be happy again during times that you think you can’t take it.

Paulo Antunes (0) (@paulo0683) 8 years, 2 months ago ago

you are fucking smart if you can think this way. go outside and be the change you want to see. there is too much to be done and just a few that realize that. keep walking :)

Philosopholly (0) (@psychedelicacy) 8 years ago ago

The best thing you can do is evolve YOURSELF. mentally, spiritually, SOCIALLY, and financially secure yourself. Where we live we have to make money to survive. Right now i just got a new job. its an office job. im a librarian at a law firm. I didnt get this job on a whim. i wanted something different than my experiences in restaurants and retail. now i have an hour lunch break where i can go eat with my best friend and sit outside at Military Park in Indianapolis and i can get an hour of sun in my 8 jour work day. i love my job now, and it helps me talk and socialize with new people! the universe gives you little jobs throughout the day, more like tests! someone could be crying on the street and just comforting them or talking to them is a great change the universe loves to see! its all about perception and i highly recommend getting your name stamped every place you go! change your thoughts and your perception on the things around you. start with the blessings: you are aware of so many problems in the world, which is a HUGE advantage!! New souls don’t understand the off balance. you are here for a reason and you are here to make change! challenge yourself and be pro-life! be happy because you chose this life for yourself. if you need some therapy help i recommend hypno-therapy! you can try past life regression too! look it up and read about Dr. Michael Newton’s Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls. It helped me get past the uneasy feelings towards the major global issues going on, while giving me the courage to understand that we have the power to change it as well! you have 100% free will whether you think you do or not. you are limitless and your brain is infinite! smoke weed and stop drinking so much! hang out with friends and do what YOU want to do to fulfill your entire being! eat helly mushrooms and trip balls because youll find so much happiness, love, and wisdom in every moment. Hang in there. Namaste!!

Anonymous (0) (@) 7 years, 12 months ago ago

it’s interesting to realize that what you worry about(in my case how my family are, their death and death in general, if my parents are happy or not,and what I should do to “help”) can “be helped” by you just when you…>”let go of negativity and overwhelming why this and why that’s, your mind can be free, and those thoughts can be replaced with love and pace to share with others seeking the same”
that seems weird when you’re overthinking/concerned about the “problems” you have, but it’s true, not logically or philosophically, maybe.. but kind of in a practical way. you only can help when you decide to stop worrying and start ‘doing’ and being positive, instead. when you are negative you just don’t do anything and so you don’t help, and it becomes circular; you kind of exactly allow those worries/fears to come true by just worrying about them.
hehe I didn’t know I was going to reply something here, I was just reading the comments, but what you’ve written caught me up =) hope you’ve got my point =P, I bet there’s grammatical errors here but pfff,it’s tiring to search english words expressions all the time =) have a nice day!

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