What To Do When the People You Call Family Let You Down

FilmStar (@FilmStar) 8 years, 5 months ago

I am great with everyone in my nuclear family. It is just my extended family I can’t stand. My grandfather is not around for me emotionally and would rather be with his wife who is pushing him away from his family. My uncle had an affair recently and had a kid as a result. And my aunt is a drunk and really irresponsible. No, these people have never done anything personally wrong to me but what they have done to other people hurts me. I’m ashamed of them. And I’m tired of people saying I still need to respect them “because their family.” They haven’t been acting like a family at all. They spend more time hurting each other than they do loving each other. I feel like a true family member is someone who respects you and will try not to let you down and that relatives are just blood and DNA. I am an adult so I feel like I have the right to say who I do and don’t want in my life because life is too short and I don’t want to waste it being with the wrong people- family or not. I have friends that have treated me more like family than my blood relatives and that’s enough for me. I just feel disappointed with my mom that she still keeps in contact with these people just “because their family” and will never leave them yet I have great cousins that she hasn’t spoken to in years who have betrayed my grandmother. So how can she not forgive those people but forgive her other relatives? It doesn’t make sense to me. I just feel so sad and angry that my parents treat me like I am wrong for feeling the way I’m feeling when I think that I am right. If they wanted me to love my relatives, they shouldn’t be telling me this stuff and expect me to feel fine about it.

What do you think I should do from here?

April 16, 2014 at 3:50 pm
Anonymous (291) (@) 8 years, 5 months ago ago

Uh, you get over it.

You are not your family’s choices. You are not their faults, their wrongs, their negativity. You are your own person. You have the option to choose whether or not you want to be around people like that. And it sounds like you’ve made that decision, the only thing is you need someone to agree and let you know it’s fine for you to not give a shit about the rest of your extended family.

Focus on yourself. If they want to change, good for them. You are not their choices.

Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 8 years, 5 months ago ago

I heard recently that my first cousin, with whom I was never friends with, is getting married. I just said I don’t give a fuck about people I don’t know. Or were never close to me? Just stay out of my life like you always were or something? This wouldn’t be even paying respect. I hope there’s no afterlife because my consciousness will wonder about fuckers on my funeral one day. Oh, well.

josephm (772) (@josephm) 8 years, 5 months ago ago

i would call it life. i have yet to not be let down.

josephm (772) (@josephm) 8 years, 5 months ago ago

besides my puppy. forever ~ dog.

Anonymous (3) (@) 8 years, 5 months ago ago

Hi @FilmStar sadly, you cannot do anything other than keep your feelings to yourself or share it to people who you are really comfortable. People cannot tell you how you should feel. We are entitled to our own feelings and that is what makes us very human. Your extended families are old enough to know what is right or wrong. They would not be in that circumstances unless they haven’t thought about it for themselves. That is why do not be so hard o to yourself push that negative feelings away. Hopefully, it is just a matter of time that they will realized that what they are doing is causing their other family members in predicament. So surround yourself with good people. Remember we cannot choose our families but friends are the families we choose for ourselves.

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