What's The Well You Can Always Draw Upon?
When everything seems to be crumbling, what in your life remains?
Tagged: hope, hopelessness, inspiration
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Ellie, I’d like you to visit http://www.hillydilly.com/ when you’ve the chance. I think you’ll find it fascinating.
Music and writing. Writing is critical. If I don’t write to make sense of a feeling I have that contradicts another feeling if I choose a different option I wouldn’t know how to proceed with life. I have to VISUALIZE EVERYTHING I feel and think about. :)
A good example: ‘Why do I feel like a loser right now? I created music the whole day yesterday, I should feel happy. I feel like a loser because I’m not going to school this year and it was my own decision. But wait, it was my own decision because it was going nowhere, it didn’t give me perspective for the future and it was 90% harmful and resource draining, nerve-racking and just plain destructive. Why do I still defend it and try to search for a good in it? Because other people participate and have no options for their lives so I have to feel sorry for them as well? Feeling and doing are not mutually exclusive, though. I can feel like whatever I don’t do. That’s the easiest thing.’
It’s like I didn’t write anything, but there were fragmented files in my mind I had to defragment.
Music.
Literally, my head is always full of music. Where there is no sound, I hear music. I still hear it while I sleep, and in every amazing or disgusting or climactic moment of life where all thought processes just have to step aside to handle the overwhelming experience… I still hear that fucking music. It haunts me, but I don’t mind.
The answer lies in the question.
You are perceiving your life as something that is structured, perhaps you are viewing it as a vessel which is filled with things you have like a job, a car, friends, a girlfriend, a music blogging hobby ;)
And if you start to lose these things and your “life” appears to falling apart that mindset leads you to believe you are somehow lacking less “life” than you had before.
BUT LIFE IS NEVER THE THINGS THEMSELVES IT IS ONLY EXPERIENCING THE THINGS
So if you have lost the things you were once experiencing what do you now have?
You have what you’ve always had… life, except now you are experiencing something different. Perhaps something negative like the feeling of loss or void, but the richness of life comes from experiencing all its possibilities not only the happy ones or the stable ones.
One of the biggest folly’s of mankind is that we attempt time and time again to create something that is beyond one of the fundamental principles of nature which is that nothing ever remains still and that all things no matter how great or stable in their peak must eventually decay and begin again in a new form.
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