When Love Hurts

 Kathryn (@klarity) 10 years, 6 months ago

So I’m on the outs of a long on and off almost love/hate relationship. And it’s really hard making the right decision! I’ve opened my heart so much and have been meditating on my heart for weeks so it just hurts so much to end this and break another persons heart. But i feel i’ve given it my best and I don’t want the bs to go on I just want peace all the time and staying in this relationship would be the safe secure way to go but not what will bring me total happiness. Why does it have to hurt so much? Any advice?

April 22, 2011 at 3:54 am
mario (12) (@mario82) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

maybe you should get a puppy?

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Julian (2) (@mingus) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

Take this for what its worth. But during breakups I think its always important to remember that what you are feeling now won’t last. No feeling is permanent. How you feel on a daily basis will change and the hurt that you feel now will get better. Maybe it will take a while, maybe it won’t, but it will go away. I also think it’s important to just let your feelings happen. Don’t try and control them, however you are feeling is totally natural and you should just let it all out. I think that there is a person out there for everyone, and you may or may not find that for a very long time, but eventually you will. Enjoy the ride until you do find that person and understand that every relationship is a learning experience and a stepping stone to a better beginning.

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Kathryn (10) (@klarity) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

Mario. thanks for the thought but I’m allergic to most dogs :(
Julian. thanks you’re right! I appreciate it!

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Roseanne (12) (@rsupernault) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

My good friend had the most incredible revelation the other day and she told me about it. Her and her fist love have been going through this and they are on again/off again, love/hate… she realized that there were so many things said and done and that their “breaks” were not enough time to allow whatever wounds to fully heal. Like they made a gash in their relationship and kept sticking a cheap band-aid over it as opposed to taking a long time, however much time was needed for the wound to fully heal. There may be a scar afterward, but we are all human and carry many scars with us, but at least it won’t be gushing blood on and off. I only offer this voice of reason in hopes that it will help you. You are the one who has the power of choice here. Love is deep, and I am sure that because both of you really love one another deep down (no one in a relationship can truly “hate” their counterpart, it’s just them hating themselves really! So much passion. It’s beautiful really!) so give each other that space, lots of space! It may be worth it to give it another shot down the road :)
In peace and love. Good luck!

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Adam Mac (15) (@emceedan) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

It always hurts when you break off a long relationship. Especially a love/hate type affair. I’ve been in them before and it’s hard when the ups are so fuckin high and the downs are sooooo low. I’ve learned from a couple of friends’ experiences and my own. I’ve been fortunate in that those relationships have turned into really awesome friendships that have endured for years.
One piece of advice though….don’t try to remain friends right after it. There has to be a clear sever of the relationship. If not, I guarantee one person will mistake friendly kindness (even a single lunch date, phone call, etc) for something more and have a hard time moving on.

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Antoinette (0) (@aarmo) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

It’s not the love that hurts – it is the attachment. Love by its nature is in the space between pleasure and pain. It is that which holds the joys and sorrows of the beloved as more pleasurable or more painful than one’s own joy or sorrow. All the human stuff that comes along with it causes extreme feeling–attachment, lust, desire, craving, need. None of those things are love, they are the human reaction to the experience of our highest emotion. I think to see the difference between love and its accompaniments is one of the greatest advantages one can have in life. There is no opposite of love, but if there were, fear probably comes closest, not hate.

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Bushido (31) (@rotsen) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

I totally love reading what everyone has to say about all topics here at HE.

@ Katheryn- Im not sure if you have heard about or even read this book but there is a book that I would totally recommend to you regarding this topic. Its called “The Mastery Of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz. It is such an amazing book!

LOVE THIS SONG!!!

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paul_g (21) (@paulg) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

Hi Kathryn, all the best with your upcoming decisions. In my experience, relationship decisions are the hardest we ever make in all of our entire life. We wish really hard someone would tell us what we should do. But at the same time, it is important to understand that because the decision is so difficult, only we can make it (even if that sounds a bit contradictory at first). In general: you will know when you are ready for parting. If it takes more time, it takes more time. If someone is pushing you to decide, he has no right to (including yourself). If you want to take a break from the relationship, take a break (but understand that if you then go back into it, it has to be with full heart and the longing to make it work, and serious commitments from your partner).

Also, no-one ever teaches us how to lead relationships. Our education is flawed there. You seem young from your picture, so contemplate about the possibility that no matter whether you stay or go, you will have to build up a whole knowledgeset for the domain “relationship” in the remainder of your life. What we come equipped with is usually not enough to lead lasting relationships (don’t take from this that I’m saying that you should stay). For that reason, there is absolutely no shame in reading up on a variety of relationship books. There are some which are pro when in doubt, some which are con when in doubt, and some which are just insightful. Read them all and don’t be ashamed to. ALso, I think some very good advice already was above: sometimes it’s hard to go, but we’ll feel good again in the future.

But now to the more important part, because those were all just general remarks that hold for anybody. Similarly, meditation is just a general technique and that’s why you don’t get an answer to a specific question. You want to find out what is good for you, so that needs something tailored to your life, personality, partner and relationship. Your posts sounds a little to me like you know you want to go, but are afraid a bit. You say you don’t want to break your partners heart, but do a check whether not he already disappointed you and you don’t want to make official that your heart is broken a bit, so it being the other way around. Beyond that, the specific questions begin: have you talked to him about everything also during the “love” parts; what seem to be the factors that trigger the impulsive “hate” part; have you looked at the triggers and asked yourself how exactly that mechanism works between you two. What are your differences, and what are the things you value in the relationship. What hides behind the “bs”, just the on/off phases themselves or other stuff he does? Also, give your friends the opportunity to surprise you with support and lending you ear and advice — but don’t choose the “false” friends who can not respect that we all have phases of emotional weakness. So these are the questions you could ask yourself. Most important I find the question ‘how is the communication’. The fewer you two actually know about how you feel, the harder it is to get to terms. In either way, difficulties in relationships always allow us to grow in ways we would never have without such a relationship. all the best!

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Maureen Anne Satana (2) (@blackcat143) 10 years, 6 months ago ago

Love never hurts and it never Fails
When you starts being hurt i means something in you have change. you must ask your self what are the changes that taking place in your life these passed days and Cut everything that makes you feel that way ^^

Sealed with a KISS… lol.. mwaaah <3

Love, Live, Pray
and
Talked Naked all day... <3

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