Who I am vs. How I am (Inner Struggle)

 Connor Williamson (@Conn) 6 years, 8 months ago

I know this is something mostly everybody has struggled with, or at least felt at some point throughout their life. I guess I’m looking for some help on how to go about what I am experiencing.

To get to the point I have recently been feeling bouts of unhappiness and frequent thoughts of regret and desires. More specifically I feel that I am not accepting myself because I’m fearful of being judged by others(friends, strangers, family) I feel desires to just go up and meet new people and ask them the questions I want to, I crave to really get to know people instead of the same old typical hey, how are you? hi, I’m Connor where are you from? I don’t want to be afraid to approach strangers and start a conversation. I want to compliment strangers and friends without them thinking of me as an odd guy or “creeper.” I notice that there’s been so many lessons throughout my life which I have failed because I act out of character and go with the socially acceptable option or logical option than rather go with what I truly want. I suppose I;m having issues with my Ego. Maybe I just want to be the person I am describing and in actuality I am the average Joe who is just bored and sad. I don’t really know what to do or how to feel.

February 14, 2015 at 2:59 pm
JustinDanger (41) (@JustinDanger) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

You want exceptional social interaction without risking being an exceptional person.
It’s not possible to have both.
You can have your fulfillment in delving deeper in your relationships, but it will be at the cost of the security blanket of normality which you currently wrap yourself in.

You choose.
Whether you know it or not, you always are.

Some are Roses,
Some are Thorns,
Justin Danger

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Anonymous (2) (@) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

If we claim our right to take up space and stand in it honestly then we express ourselves without being thrown off by anyone’s judgments. Part of being your own presence is enduring judgments without ever forgetting the purity of your natural self. You will probably have less friends but you will find the right ones.

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JustinDanger (41) (@JustinDanger) 6 years, 8 months ago ago
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Patrik (0) (@p.patriciu) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

This might sound odd, but why focus on meeting and knowing new people when perhaps the one most important person you need to pay attention to is YOU. That, of course, does not suggest an ego-oriented approach, but one filled with meditation, reflecting on the self and the universe around you. Try to see, smell, taste and touch the world around you like you never did before because it has so much to offer. Take off your shoes and feel the grass beneath your feet. In time you will be filled and overwhelmed by the abundance, and it will start flowing through you, reaching out to others. They will see the real you shine and manifest itself, inspiring them to do the same.

You are not alone.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

I think it causes a lot more hassle or anxiety or awkwardness to hide who you truly are. I feel like people can sense that you’re faking it and it can create tension even if it’s just on a subconscious level.
It is amazing to be able to say how you truly feel about things, and most of the time people’s reactions are never what you feared they would be. I think if you exert sincerity by being honest, people pick up on that and respond to it. I notice it all the time at work by making comments that I would usually hold back. Once you get comfortable with that it won’t matter even when you encounter the occasional difficult person.

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Gerhard (7) (@GerhardFourie) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

I know exactly how you feel man, and I’ve got no real advice. But if you ever feel like having a cool conversation give me a pm, I love any thought provoking conversations

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Lowry (114) (@lowryderkid) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

Give up defining yourself. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.
Eckhart Tolle said this, and I’m glad he did, because you can now read it and think about it. Go on, read it again.

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Connor Williamson (18) (@Conn) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

wow thank you

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

Hmmm. See, the fear is false because the perceived threat is an illusion.
1. People rarely have bad reactions if you have a grounded vibe and approach.
2. Most people who do have bad reactions are not the type anyone should takes seriously, they’re not a threat and nothing to worry about.

Say what you want and you’ll get used to it. You’ll see just how dumb this fear was. It really is that simple, you just don’t fucking let yourself do what you want and what you feel to be right.
Fuck that shit, just say what you feel like. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

There is nothing more pathetic -in this whole world- than dishonesty.

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S (102) (@tictacfanman) 6 years, 8 months ago ago

I STRONGLY second this @conn.

Unless your going in with a really creepy/weird vibe, which might happen when your insecure, people will react just fine (and to be honest, I found even when I felt insecure/creepin/awkward, I never got bad reactions).
And anybody who reacts poorly (ie: see angrily) to something you say is likely not where they want to be, has issues, and you should ignore them and move on. Laugh about it, hell even in their faces once your comfortable enough :)
They are losers. Really, they are. Being rude to strangers just screams “I have madd issues.”

I understand this has already been said, and that I am merely reiterating, but it really is true. Gotta reinforce good shit.

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landisian (7) (@landisian) 6 years, 7 months ago ago

They say hindsight Is 20 20. That’s because after the fact you know exactly what you wanted to do or how you should have done it different. I have found the the longer we think about something, the more likely we are to back out. I have had this problem with public speaking and many other aspects of my life. I did much better when I didn’t think about it and just winged it. Just jump on in. You think about it and practice what your going to say or do. Then when push comes to shove you either back out, or you go ahead and now you fumble on your words or forget what you wanted to say or do. I try to relax, don’t think about it. Have self confidence, and look like you know what your doing. Like you have done it all before. I hope this helps.

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