With out going (too) in depth in to things I’d like to share a problem I’m struggling with and I’m asking for any advice on how to handle it. I’m 21 years old, a guy, and I just can’t build any respect for my father. I’m the odd one out of the family, my older brother is married and graduted college and lives the same life as my parents. My younger sister just finished her second year of college with a 4.0. I went for a year and a half to college and my GPA is someone around a 0.5. I’m not like my family at all. My father is not what most would traditionally consider masculine. He doesn’t ever drink, he doesn’t ever hang out with the guys (there is no group for him called “the guys”) and we have never had that bonding experience of fixing up that old car or building that tree house. He also just pushed and pushed me to do better in school. He tries to push his conservative christian views on me constintly and I have to hide the fact that I am bi sexual from them. Maybe I’m gay I cant even find out becuase having a normal relationship with a guy wouldn’t be possible living at home with them still. All in all, I can’t see my dad as a man. He’s more like a little boy. It makes it hard to respect him and it’s causing me more anxiety than I know what to deal with. What do you guys think? Sorry about the long post. Love you guys <3
Change your ideas of what you think a “man” is.
What makes a man? Is it his persoanlity? Is it his lifestyle? Is it his appearance?
Maybe the issue is that you subconsciously believe that men need to behave in a very specific way in order to be a “Man”, and your father is not behaving in that way. Examine and consider what your impression of a “Man” is.
At the same time, your might see your father as immature. I haved the same issue with my father. He behaves in a manner that strikes me as childlike, so I have trouble respecting him because he doesn’t behave in what I think of as a respectabel manner. The way your father constantly tries to push his beliefs on you might strike yoy as immature, and therefor unrespectable.
It also sounds like you might not know him very well, as you never really got to bond with him. I know one of the problems that gets in the way of me respecting my father is the fact that I don’t feel he contributes a lot to our relationship.
I summery, try finding some common ground with your father and bond with him. Make it clear to him that his ideas arn’t for you, in polite and non-offensive manner. Consider what your definision of a “Man” relly is, and it it really is accurate.
Hope this helped!