I am one of these cases. At 19 going on 20 years old I have never had a relationship or sex nor have I wanted to. Sure there are boys I have found attractive but there has never been a will to be in a relationship with them and by no means create a sexual attraction with them. I have not even had my first kiss though it does not bug me many of the people I knew if high school were convinced that I was gay, a-sexual or just fucked up and a liar though I know none of these to be true. I must add that I have been sexually attracted to people and not wanted to be in a relationship with them and on the other hand I have had a few boys I really would date based on their personality but had no sexual or ‘boyfriend’ like attraction to.
I was wondering if there is anyone
…else who had had this kind of experience and moved on or is going through it.
…who would like to comment about how weird I am so I can laugh about it.
…is worried about me.
…or really anything else.
@cicelyrain, People think it’s weird because it doesn’t meet the societal view that all young adults/late teenagers want to have sex. I hardly ever want to have sex and I hate masturbation. I don’t like having these bodily urges and wish I was a-sexual.
I agree with the above. The theory that young adults are very sexually active has become widely accepted and it has become a stereotype, especially amongst the media and modern literature. Just as with other stereotypes, most people will base their views on young adults due to the stereotype but that isn’t to say that everyone will.
I have been attracted to the same sex before, and I still do feel attracted to the same sex sometimes but I wouldn’t consider myself homosexual or bisexual either. I would say that I am straight, however I don’t believe that we should put a label on ourselves like that. Even though I have never felt the urge to be in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex. I will fall for anyone whom I find attractive, but overall, I will fall for the person with the personality I connect with the most. The sex of that person is irrelevant. Luckily for me, the majority of the people I’m surrounded by are much more accepting than most and as they say, ‘those who matter don’t judge, those who judge don’t matter.’
It’s not worrying. It just means you’re curious and, to be fair, that is a brilliant place to be. Never be afraid of curiosity and experimentation, it will enable you to find out who you are and what you like etc. I don’t mind people’s sexual orientation, however, I do find the decision to be completely straight without apparently not even considering to be rather ignorant, but that’s my opinion.
You will soon find a place to slot into in the future, but for now you are young so stop feeling out of place and get out there and enjoy yourself!
I’ve had little interest in romantic and sexual relationships until recently. I’m not asexual; in fact, I’ve been very attracted to a few people. I just have very little in common with most guys my age (20). Your feelings aren’t unheard of. Have people harassed me about it? No, not really. If they do, they aren’t worth my time.
I personally have no problem with anyone else’s decisions.
But when they over step their bounds and try to convince me that “god” is chilling up in the sky, focussing on our genitalia to make sure they don’t meet before marriage, is where the problems start
There is no “normality” in this. There’s a difference between an erection and a personal goal. Also, I’m not sure why people use the phrase “sexually attractive”, like you’re looking objectively at a specific piece of ass and all the amount of things you’re gonna do with it. What the fuck is up with that? Anyway. People get excited at things that will help them cure their insecurities. :)
Many people have so much sex/masturbation that they can’t imagine their lives without it. Sex/masturbation is addictive, and the more you do it, the more you think about and want it. Also, modern people are being bombed with sexuality from TV and adverts etc. We are being told by books and movies, that sex is the ultimate goal of life, and many people believe that. Many people think that love equals sex. Society is at a crappy state these times. :/
@cicelyrain, There is one personality theory that suggests we have one of three instinctual types that serve as survival behaviors. A person can be wired for sexual, social, or self-preservation.
The people I know that seem to have the same feelings about sex that you do seem to be the “self-preserving” types who are instinctually concerned with individual self-sufficiency, self care, and personhood as opposed to the sexual types concerned with intimacy, creativity, and transformation. The social ones are concerned with community participation and social responsibility.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I also don’t think that the majority are sexual types, but since society is so concerned with sexual allure and uses sex as a social achievement, the social types have just as much sex as the sexual/intimate types.
Not weird at all. You have class, you’re a real LADY.
At the same time, go have sex when you can. It is liberating and possibly one of the best feelings in the world.
I definitely know how you feel :D. I think one of the reasons you’re desire maybe so low is that you’ve never had a sexual encounter so you don’t know what to expect it’s like a cigarette or a food that you know could taste good but have never tried and hence you don’t really have any craving for it. I have a challenge for you and that is too kiss someone as soon as possible no judgement no expectations just do it a friend a random whatever. I I have only had a few girls in my life and that definitely makes me insecure and in high school being a dude without a girl is social suicide but screw them I know way too many teenage pregnancies and girls with STDs. Anyways it doesn’t matter because as others have said norms are delusional. For me at least the idea of a 20 year old female who’s never kissed is cute as fuck ;) I’m not saying you’re insecure i’m just expressing how I counter my insecurities :D The girls iwith attractive personalities are my chick friends while the ones that are hot is because i’m just primitively attracted to them this is just genetics at it’s best survival of the fittest etc etc. The problem is that we actually have to talk to people from time to time so of course a personality can be just as attractive. Theirs a thing called a sapiosexual which means you are attracted to a person’a intellegence. ATTRACTION IS JUST FUCKIN CRAZY
Go masturbate and watch porn and tell me how you feel!
@cicelyrain, Shrug off what others think, but take it with a grain of salt. Sex is a wonderful thing, but that is purely based on the situation. Who you’re with being the biggest factor. Do what feels right for you.
Between the ages of fifteen and nineteen I had a lot of sex, to be blunt. Mind you, I was in a committed relationship for half of that time and dated one other. But in the end, all of my relationships and encounters were really about lust. Those relationships were shoddy and shallow and long over due. And once I realized who the woman that I truly loved was; it was too late. For the last year and half I haven’t been completely dry, but for the most part the bed has not been knocking. if ya catch my drift…
What I learned was that sex can be extremely addictive and relationships are doomed if their foundations are built on sex. If you want love, you gotta do it the ole fashion way: taking it slow. But don’t get me wrong; sex is fucking awesome.
@cicelyrain, Well, because it is crazy and weird, pretty much. You’re a human being, a mammal, a living organism that’s made for reproduction. You have this source of immense pleasure in your own body and mind, and you’re not embracing it…
Don’t get me wrong, there’s many advantages to keeping the shagging on the backburner. But omitting it completely makes no sense.
It’s like one of those people who go to a restaurant, take one look at the menu, then leave because all the dishes are foreign.
You don’t even know what it is you’re missing/ignoring.
Being in love is fucking awesome, enhances the feeling of life manifold, loosens up that overstimulated ego a bit. Sex is fucking awesome. Feels super great, super fun, in mind and body alike, and you’re sharing the experience with another person.
Don’t be afraid of getting too close to someone.
If you lack the drive, something is not right. People who come to life wanna get their love on, it’s a natural reaction. If this lack is missing, something is not right in your life. If the drive is there but you’re suppressing it, you’re gonna have a bad time, gotta let yourself go once in a while.
But there are no musts, and normal is an imaginary concept. If you care what other people think of you, you’re gonna have a bad time no matter what you do or what you become. Because nobody’s perfect, and people will always find reasons to complain and alienate and trashtalk. Haters gonna hate.
If you don’t wanna bang, then don’t. Simple as that. It’s your life, your decision.
And if someone has a problem with that they can go fuck themselves. It’s not your problem.
People who are obsessed with sex (the majority of the masses) and those who shy away from it both have it all wrong, gotta find the balance in between.
Because good sex has very positive effects on the mind and body.
@cicelyrain, I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with you for not desiring any direct sense of physical intimacy with another person with whom you do not feel totally comfortable with, however, I’d say your question is misleading. By simply knowing how humans are constructed, I don’t think its wrong or unusual for people going through puberty to desire sexual activity and depending on how they view it, may base their opinions on their experiences without considering yours. In addition, adults who are older and have experienced what the average human being goes through in physical development may think the same way about that subject as when they were a kid. Whether or not they are right or wrong depends on what they are telling you. And yes, our current social value system puts sex pretty high up there but considering sex is a normal part of our existence and the natural means by which we create other humans, I don’t think its totally incomprehensible for people to make bad judgements about your sex life. Also, anyone who thinks that young people having sex and the social perspective following it is just a social construction is deluding themselves. You look back in history and young people HAVE been having sex left and right and, like I said, when you’re young is when you develop your sexual capacities anyway. When you get older, the stereotype as to whether or not people are crazy or weird for not having sex when their young will probably still be around. It’s definitely not a good stereotype since it leads to the pressuring of kids into adult situations early, but I think it will still be around. Real adults prefer you didn’t have sex when you’re younger but would also be concerned about your health if it seemed impossible for you to feel that way. Either way, sex is not a requirement of living your life and fuck anybody who says otherwise because, once again, they’re deluding themselves.