About a week ago my brother called me and said, “The doctors think Dad had a stroke.” My father has had dementia for the last 7 years, and consequently has not been able to form a comprehensible sentence for about the last two years. As soon as I got the news I rushed down here to see him. He was a great father as I was growing up. Loyal, faithful, kind, compassionate, and smart… Just a few adjectives to describe him; he was well liked by all who knew him. When I arrived he seemed to be in some pain and the doctors started him on morphine to relieve the pain. I immediately started praying… I asked in my prayer that he not suffer. The doctors said they didn’t think he would make it through the night and so I prayed that God take him peacefully and gracefully. He is a “do not resuscitate” patient. Meaning the doctors won’t put him on machines to save his life. This is because he was 100% dependent on others to feed and bathe him before the stroke. However, six days have gone by. My father, despite the morphine he’s been given, has appeared to be in great agony almost the whole time. Moaning and scrunching his face; wincing in pain.
Why???? Why must he continue to suffer?
Why, instead of acting, have you been praying?
@dustin, Sometimes, things just suck. Pain is a part of life. Suffering is natural. It really hurts to see someone in that situation. I saw my grandmother, who I’ve never even been close with, in that situation and it was painful and helpless feeling.
I would talk to your dad, visit him as much as possible, bring him things that might make him happy, like stuff to hang on the walls that he can look at or pictures of dear family members, tell him you love him, talk to him about your day, try to restore a sense of humanity and normalcy to his state. Being in such pain you have to show him your own light and I think that’s what would help most. Maybe he won’t be able to understand you but I’d still try on the off chance he can.
@dustin, @tangledupinplaid21, offers the best advice here. Your intentions are good, and your presence is great for him. That’s all you can offer at this point. I’ve watched three grandparents die, and two aunts. Caring for the rest of your family and making sure they’re all right will help as well, I’m sure you know you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Hang in there, man. HE is here for you. I haven’t prayed in many years, but I’ll be praying for you and your father all day.
@optimystic, Tell me what actions to take and I will. There is nothing left to DO for him that would make a difference… I have been sitting right by his side for 6 days. Talking to him, telling him it’s okay to let go… I don’t know what else I could do I just know I can’t leave him until he’s at rest. I haven’t just been sitting next to him praying, while ignoring him or pretending he wasn’t in the room. I’ve just taken a few minutes here or there to pray.
@dustin, im so sorry for you, your situation sucks so badly. suffering. why do we all have to suffer so much. the Buddhists call it karma. and the karma of your dad is not something you can do anything about, you can only do what you are doing, sitting there and loving him. and he is very lucky to have you at his side. you can not imagine how wonderful that is for him. im glad more family members have come to relieve you. praying is a great thing and it is indeed the best thing you can do…
birth and death are so much the same. i have seen babies being born that take days to come out. such suffering. some deaths are like that too, and some people can pass very easily. your dad needs to go thru this so trust that he is purifying alot of things from this life, and perhaps past lifes too. it is for the best. we have to accept it. it is bigger than all of us. perhaps later you will understand it. now you can only LOVE.
good luck with it all and be strong. im praying for you and your dad tonite.
You’ve the choice to acknowledge death as a beautiful surprise, if you’d like. That might provide you with some sort of comfort in this kind of time. I’ve never been in your situation before, and so I can’t tell you what to do. However, you’ve always the power to alter your perspective.
I hope this helps.
I’m sorry for being so ignorant earlier.
I know it’s been said. And I know that the user thinks it was a ignorant statement.
Praying is pointless. It has caused you pain due to it in the your mind not being answered.
Your dad is in pain. It sucks and is a painful thing to see. I don’t think I could handle it as good as you seem to be doing.
Life is unfair. Thinking any different will only lead to more pain.
The only faith you need is faith in the professionals. They will do their best, and I’m sure would be more thankful for your thankfulness than a imaginary friend.
Do not worry. Physical pain and suffering in this life purifies and fortifies our souls for the next life.
Pain is not so bad as compared to eternal suffering. Your father takes very much time off his spiritual purification after death if he has any he must do (purgatory).
Not only that, but your own love increases and the strength of your spirit does too. If you hold on to your faith you become very much stronger.
Remember that physical pain is nothing when compared to an eternal death. I am sure that Mary had also prayed that Jesus would not suffer, but God’s will comes before that of mans.
Submission to the will of God is love. We cannot judge a situation well because we have very many human instincts and attachments, thus we cannot see the eternal good disguised by suffering.
peace to you.
@dustin, Unfortunately, life’s lessons are not learned through things being easy or getting everything we wish for. There is much suffering in life, both emotional and physical. It is our response to our circumstances that defines us. We must take each obstacle and each blessing and decide what to do with what we encounter.
This will not be an easy time no matter what happens, and there’s no single rule that will make it all make sense. Pain and loss and suffering take time to process and heal. Spend time with your family and stay together. Things won’t make sense for a while, but that’s part of the process.
Sending good thoughts…
I used to be on that situation, where i had stroke. I had pills but worthless, I drank ginger, it helped me a little bit. Further for each day i took 4 pills just to eliminate my pain and i did it for months.
One day i had decision, if, just if, there was God, then what should i do to persuade him. I considered that crying was the most subtle condition as representation of the deepest of human’s feeling that can be used (in this case – praying) to seduce God.
I started to cry 9-12 hours. It was divided into 3 sessions. First session, i cried 3-4 hours, after 12 o’clock 3-4 hours, and at midnight 3-4 hours. It took a week, and suddenly i had cured totally.
The point is, if you believe in God, give it a try. Don’t act like we don’t have God (unless we disbelieve in God).
Less or more …
Thank you everyone!! Your comments were greatly appreciated. My dad passed away, and I have since found closure. I still tear up when I read some of the heartfelt comments and think of him. You all helped me through a very difficult time. My hope is that the compassion shared here can one day be felt by everyone without going through the grief of a tragic event.