why it is so hard to find the right people?

cesar (@cesarmeed) 7 years, 5 months ago

Hi HE! its been a while since my last post here, i have go through an incredible journey in the last two years but there is something that doesnt complete me. I was hopping that maybe you guys could give an advice or if something similar has happened to you (Sorry for my english, i will try to make myself clear)
I moved 7 months ago from the city I have lived for the past 15 years to a new one because I enter to theUniversity. I have never been a guy with a lot of friends but it doesnt bother me (i am lonely guy (I have always been like that) althoug I like the way i am) But don´t get me wrong, I love people and I love meeting them. I just have one concern, I cant find the right people in this new city. I have made some nice friends here but once I start talking abut deep stuff like spirituality, meditation, psychedelics or the greatness of the mind (only place i can do this is in places like HE or my old friends that i cant see them often) they look at me weird and I cant have a conversation, so I can´t make our friendship like i would want, and that kind of bring me down in a way. This take me to different roads, in one of them i get out with these people and go to cool parties and things like that, again don´t get me wrong. I love to party but the issue is that it lead me to bad habits like drinking and doing drugs (not in an spiritual way like I usually do, more like the king of getting fucked up) and something inside me tells to stop it, to stop this kind of life. So when I do it i dont feel peace inside me.
But there is another path, the one where I stay at home and watch some movies, listen to some Ted talks, smoke some weed, read books or cool articles in the internet.
In the past months i have decided to choose the last one cause it helps me to keep my healthy life style (I eat healthy and exercise 5 days a week) but I feel kind of sad that I cant find the right people to grow as a person and talk about some deep stuff, How could I find the people so I can have a conversation more than hot girls, alcohol or random stuff? I Just have to wait until i finish the University to move and meet new people? Or maybe i am not trying hard enough to find people like me.

March 1, 2015 at 11:32 pm
Anonymous (0) (@) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Same here dude, waiting for some good advice from you guys! :d

Mark (26) (@MarcvsMaximvs) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Well I don’t think it helps much, but if you are ever in the viscinity of the Netherlands, you are welcom to send me a message to meet up.

cesar (4) (@cesarmeed) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Thanks man! If i ever go to netherlands i ll give you a call! If someday you come to México you are welcome to!

krkrich (148) (@krkrich) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Why not join some clubs or organizations on campis that are related to some of your interests? It would be a good way to meet people who have similar interests as you.

What I have realized thru my experience is that when you follow your heart, you will often times meet people who you can relate to. These people sort of just pop up in your life.

Tanka (2) (@trpoudel) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Hmm, its quite interesting cause I used to feel the exact same way.

It hasn’t been long that I realized that we aren’t here to create our own utopia; surrounding ourselves with the right kind of people with right kind of situations and events going around us rather we are here to see whats need to be done and act for it.

If everyone is allowed to create an utopia, it will be yet another chaos.


LVX (297) (@Vovinawol) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

I’ve been looking for deep people for a very long time to no avail. I truly hope you have better luck than me. The only way I can see to meet people of a deep and spiritual nature would be to join a mystery school such as the AMORC. I was a member of 3 such schools in the past but I am just too poor to afford the dues of membership nowadays, so I had to cancel my memberships. If you don’t fit in with the crowd, don’t worry, as that is a good thing in the end.

Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

When i don’t have like minded people around to hang out with (how it’s been the last few months), I just use that time to work on myself and reflect a lot and be comfortable in my own head, but I also rely a lot on digital connections. I have a lot of people I correspond with regularly online and that keeps me sane when I can’t have fulfilling conversations in person. High existence has been a great resource for that.

Mark (26) (@MarcvsMaximvs) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Isn’t there a way we could start a little chat group or something? Its not the same as talking with people in person, ofcourse, but perhaps there could be a better way for us to get in touch. The people you are looking for are here on this website.

Ado S (2) (@Twizzify) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I like this idea. We could go about creating an IRC chat or something of the like. Maybe hold a weekly session. Or find a chat website that allows for us to use a camera and mic; that would be a little more personal. 

Mark (26) (@MarcvsMaximvs) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

Exactly! We could do it step by step so to speak. An IRC chat to begin with, and perhaps grow towards a page on Meetup.com for example. We could make HE meetup clubs per country and meet eachother IRL.

How does that sound?

Ado S (2) (@Twizzify) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I’m up for this idea. Ideally, make it persistent so people can pop in whenever, but also plan times to occassionally come and chat.

I say we create a post and ask the community of their interest in this and move from there.

Mark (26) (@MarcvsMaximvs) 5 years, 8 months ago ago

Agreed! I’ll make the post.

Andy (15) (@a1993h) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Hey dude. I’m in a pretty similar situation. I’ll go over to my friends house, we’ll be talking about whatever and I’ll bring up an issue regarding spirituality, philosophy or something. Instantly, without giving any thought, they’ll dismiss the idea and say something along the lines of ‘here we go again. Can’t you just not talk hippie bullshit for 5 minutes’.

Now I’ve grew up with these people but it seems the more I immerse myself in this lifestyle of truth seeking, self improvement etc. the more alienated I feel from them. I can see so clearly that it’s just their own insecurities about fitting in that causes this reaction, most of the time at least, and that they mean no harm. I find it hard having to constantly deny a part of myself around these people which I’m sure you can relate to.

As for meeting new people, I’ve always found that good music attracts good people. Check out some gigs in your area and talk to strangers. Also, if you’re feeling lonely, go spend some time in nature. I find it seems to dissolve that ‘poor me, all alone’ feeling when we reconnect to where and what we are! :)

Campfirecowboy (3) (@Campfirecowboy) 7 years, 5 months ago ago

Maybe you have to stop looking for the right people and “they” can find you. You seem happy with who you are and what you are doing (university etc). You state that you feel incomplete, and hey thats a good thing. Incomplete is the very thing that keeps one searching. If I had advice it would be to enjoy the journey…include/accept the incomplete as the only people I know who are complete…are dead.

Jared.L (3) (@Jared.L) 5 years, 10 months ago ago

Because there are so many of us out there and each has their own standards or sonething

flower21 (18) (@flower21) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I have the same feelings and want to get some advices too.

Florence.3 (3) (@Florence.3) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I completely understand you. Meeting right people takes time and your readiness. Don’t worry, they’ll come into your life, just wait and work on yourself.

Jan Trachsel (0) (@MrSwifty) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

Well its really tough finding the right people because the right people tend to hide themselves away for the same reason that you do. Whats worse is that the more we grow and develop ourselves the less we find interest in the mass culture we live in today. We realize that it doesnt work for us anymore because we see the flaws of mass culture and want something better for ourselves(We want it for everyone really too but thats a bit ambitious for this comment.) The point I am trying to make is, if you want to find the right people you have to really think about where those people would go. As Robert Frost once said: “I took the road less travelled by and it has made all the difference.” I interpret this quote in many ways but one of them would be that if you go where most people dont you find the people most people wont :D. I hope this made sense and helped in some way.

Visor (2) (@Visor) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

Same thing with pretty much everything. It is hard to find the right books to read, the right films to watch, the right websites to visit. The right people to be friends with.

Currently we are moving from the society of choice to the society of search. In past, we used to be tied to our geographical locations and our knowledge was limited. A local library had only so many books to choose from, and we had only so many people around us to talk to. As a by-product of this, we were growing in the community of these few people, adopted their worldview and became like them –  this way, they were a good fit for us.

Today, we can travel and we have the Internet. The choice space became so large that the question of making the right choice gradually became a question of how to search this vast space.

An important thing is that we no longer have a constant community to live in. So, we are shaped not by a small community, but by a great number of different people. We no longer have the community to belong to, not by default and not easily. No wonder that you can’t talk to these new friends of yours about what matters to you – you are just too different.

Just take an action in the direction that matters to you. If you enjoy this site, organize a meetup with the members, or a trip together. The fact that the society is getting heavily transformed does not mean it becomes more boring to live here.

Noonie (0) (@AVaughn91) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I’m in the same place you are, and I take the second path also. Just last weekend I went out with my girlfriends after a couple of months of not seeing them, and we ended up in a deep discussion but I felt the resistance to talk about important things. A lot of people just want to live carefree, so having deep conversations invites them to think about things they prefer not to. Made me remember why I don’t hang out with them much.

I honestly think there are people everywhere we go who are introspective individuals and who like to converse about those things we crave to talk about.

We just have to notice them. We just have to speak out and express our interests, and there may be people who reject that, but the like-minded ones will be drawn to it. Like I connected with someone the other day because of a book I was carrying. It drew her attention! She was a really nice lady and we had a really good conversation, I learned so much. Put yourself out there.

That person on their phone may not be just another smartphone addict, maybe they’re on their phone reading high existence articles.

That person talking about alcohol and hot girls may be a deeper individual, they’re just looking to be accepted so they keep the conversation on something socially acceptable waiting for someone to invite them into something deeper.

You like TED talks? Go to one! Stick to what you like, for example I love conscious rap. Immortal Technique is one of my favorite rappers, and I know if I ever end up going to his show I’m going to meet a lot of like-minded people. So if you have events in your area that you’d be really interested in going to, and it’s mind awakening, you will find people who are interested in that too.

Reach out, you’d be surprised who you connect with. I hope this was of help :)


Jaz (3) (@jpixi) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I feel ya, man! I’m in the same boat. Some people have told me to try the app Meetup, in which you can search activities you are interested in that people are also doing. Otherwise maybe take some workshops on things that interest you and meet people that way. Hope it goes well! If you’re ever in Minnesota USA message me!! We can  be friends!!

Meera (0) (@Mas08) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

I think its like this becuase this is what life is about.You like someone that likes someone else. So no one can be with the right person.

Michael (0) (@Michael-Collins) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

Life is messed up that is why.

Sarcastic Roach (56) (@sarcasticroach) 5 years, 9 months ago ago

Everyone is “the right person” for their unique circumstances in life. Try allowing yourself to see and enjoy a persons goodness instead of trying to force all newcomers into your predetermined mould of your desire.

We aren’t designed to fit.

Viewing 18 reply threads
load more