So recently about 2 month ago my fiance and gf of 5 years go into a big fight about discussing our future. I was having issues with college at the time about missing a class I had to make up in order to graduate. The fighting went back and forth and I decided I needed to take a break. After a week we still talked and hung out and went on dates. Until one day I caught her talking to another guy…. Now she told me he was just a friend and they were going out to dinner to discuss business, I asked to see the conversation between them and she wouldn’t show me anything. So I suspected it was something more…. a week later I surprised her by coming over after work and seeing her, I came in to her sitting on the couch with that guy. They weren’t doing anything serious but I knew what was going on. I yelled and got mad and slammed the door on the way out. Now this is all after I told her I wanted her back and wanted to get back into a relationship with her again and I was ready to be committed. She said she needed time to think about it. I also told her if she wanted to see other people she needed to be honest with me about it, if she was I would have just broke it off there and she would be free of me, but she wouldnt admit this to me for some reason. After this big discovery of them, I cut her out of my life for a couple of days. After calming down I messaged her and told her I was sorry for the way that I acted and that I feel like I deserved this heart break and wish them a happy life together. She responded with “hes just a friend, we arent together”. this confused me. So I told her again I wanted to get back together and she said she needed time…. After a week of lack of sleep and lack of eating I told her She needed to make a decision. she would answer me so I took matters into my own hands and talked to the guy she was with. I apologized for my actions and asked what was going on between them. He told me they had been on a couple of dates but nothing serious. He convinced her that she needed to sit down and talk to me. So I gave her an ultimatum: either we get together and work things out and start this back up, or we cut things off for now and limit communication. She chose to cut things off for now and I was devastated. But some things don’t seem right to me. Why would she wait till now to cut it off and not before? what she just testing the waters and didnt want to lose me in case things didnt work out? I even told her if after a while she wanted to come back I would try everything again. My main question here is, Do you think after all of this and spending a total of 5 years together living 4 years together, and being engaged for 3 years would she come back to this after some time away? right now Im expecting her not to because I dont want to build myself up for an upset, Im focusing on myself right now and finishing college. But my heart hasnt been wrong through this whole scenario, and my heart right now is telling me that after some time she will want to come back. I think this break is good for us and will allow us to get our lives on track without the other one interfering. I just want your guys opinions on this. I am still struggling with the break up, been about 8 days now of lack of sleeping and eating, so far losing about 15 lbs.
Why do you care if she’s hanging out with this guy? She said it’s just business and you see her with him at work. The problem is not that she was unfaithful but that you were distrustful. Now she’s like “I like this guy but he doesn’t trust me”.
People get bored of each other, that’s nature. I can’t say for sure but I don’t think she’s coming back. The universe has ways of sorting things out. Maybe you had reasons for distrusting her, maybe she actually was being unfaithful. If that’s the case, then this is for the better. In a perfect world you could have befriended the guy and all could be friends and there would be no heartbreak.
It’s time to think. Go for walks. Do you have snow? Snowalks are great.
Think deeply, reflect deeply on why you currently feel devastated? Often times people believe they are ‘in love’ with someone. However, this sensation is not love, it is an addiction to the sense of companionship or attention from the other person. it is a needing, a longing, a void-filler.
Understand that you need nothing. Understand that true love has no wants, no needs. True love is all knowing. True love realizes that if your partner will be ‘happier’ with someone else, then you let her go with someone else and be blissful that you were able to bring joy to her life for the past several years.
Cherish the memories, but do not dwell on them. Move on. Stay in the moment.
Embrace life, embrace the good and the ‘bad’, realize that everything occurs your life to provide you with the canvas to create the best possible version of yourself and your best possible future.
Great moments await you.
The problem is that you’re too soft. She’s manipulating you, she’s being selfish, flaky, manipulative and lying to you. Yet you accept and you blame yourself instead of her.
That’s what’s wrong.
You’re better of without her, mate. Find someone who’s worth your time. And don’t be a pussy, you’re not making anyone happy by abusing yourself like this.