you love each other, now the dumper wants to be friends

 Anonymous (@)7 years, 10 months ago

first of all, just a brief summary of how my ex bf and i met to get the picture…
i’m from the uk and i went to another country- Holland to study and that’s where i met him, he has already been living there for 5 years. we dated for 18 months making it his 7th year in holland …

…after a year he told me he loved and cared for me for than anyone. then halfway our 18 month of being together, he told me he wanted to move out to another country as he was getting bored of the place we are living now. i told him i understand him, and i will support and commit to it. however he said to break up as he doesn’t want a long distance relationship… even though the drive to the place he wants to move is only 4 hrs away by car.

so as much as i tried to tell him that it will work, he still persisted and so in the end we broke up. for me, its really hard especially how can 2 people who love each other break up. plus the worse thing is that he wants to remain FRIENDS. so now we are back in the uk for the summer and already he calls me or sends me texts to see how things are. i havent even gotten over him yet. this is unfair for me.

i don’t know what to do, before i met him his past girlfriends have all been erasmus students, maybe he’s scared making a big commitment? because they all come and go.

July 1, 2013 at 4:39 pm
Anonymous (364) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@audreym, So Yes, how about that infinitely massive universe with trillions of unanswered questions. Things our minds can’t even conceive, yet us mere humans are trying to understand.

Think about the hundreds of worlds out there that could possibly contain other life, we could make contact with them, they could provide us with knowledge which we cannot yet comprehend.

Maybe we could think about the inner workings of our owns minds, which are infinitely bigger than out own universe. Anything imaginable, by definition, can be imagined, be built upon and developed, for the good of human kind.

Think about the possibilities each of us could provide with the wonder and the resources we have available right now, Striving to enhance our own existence, taking our consciousness to the next level, to enlightenment!

Bur Wait! YOU’VE GOT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM! Get a fucking grip! Let go, and start living your fucking life.

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Anonymous (2) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

all your high praise on the value of philosophy, i’ve been enlightened. thanks for not answering my question and insensitiveness.

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@audreym,

|| for me, its really hard especially how can 2 people who love each other break up. ||

this is a really good question, one you should consider more deeply, especially in regards to what he called ‘love’.

|| plus the worse thing is that he wants to remain FRIENDS. so now we are back in the uk for the summer and already he calls me or sends me texts to see how things are. ||

k, i do not mean to be crude, but often, guys wish to remain friends with their ex’s so that they can possibly ‘dump’ in them later…. they already ‘know’ that they can and the effort required will be not so difficult to achieve because the sex barrier has already been broken… they know that there has been enough of a seed planted that it will only take a few well placed promises to get what they want, ‘i love youu babee!’

|| i havent even gotten over him yet. this is unfair for me. ||

it is indeed, so, what are you going to do about it?

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@piptherational,

you would think that if this topic did not interest you that you would ignore it and not spend as much time as you did trivializing the topic in a condescending way,

you’re right, but you’re wrong, you’re right that the great mysteries of life and reality make something like a relationship seem trivial and not relevant,

but you’re wrong if you think this matter is trivial to this person, and since this topic was not about the great wonders but actually what this person finds relevant, today,

your approach seemed more to hurt than help.

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Anonymous (364) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tine, Did it trivialise more than help?

Maybe it provided perspective to the OP. Which is a value judgement you cannot make.

Let’s ask the OP. @audreym, Did my comment open any other doors to your thinking? Maybe that some people, and yourself particularly deserve more than you are currently experiencing? Maybe there is more in the world to fixate upon?

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@piptherational,

i think she already answered you, wait for it,

|| all your high praise on the value of philosophy, i’ve been enlightened. thanks for not answering my question and insensitiveness. ||

nah, looks like she just thought you were being a dick too

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@piptherational,

maybe she should resolve this in her mind instead of just ignoring it and fixating on other things? maybe that’s why she wrote this? just maybe?

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Anonymous (364) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tine, I prefer the term cunt.

Semantics aside, are we really Part of HE to provide people with relationship advice(!) or provide each other with though altering ideas?

(We’ve both been here long enough to know the true answer)

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@piptherational,

well, i can provide altering ideas while giving relationship advice, or give relationship advice using altering ideas,

relationships are a great place to start with anyone’s psyche, it’s like a mirror inside, sooo, i dont disagree, but i do,

i don’t disagree because what you offer, altering ideas, is important, but i disagree because i think due to your approach you missed an opportunity to see someone more deeply and therefore,

be more specific with your advice.

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Anonymous (364) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tine, good for you. Being mediocre and encompassing everybody’s ideas, without real results in your replies.

There are times when people (myself included) need to be told reality – the OP needs to realise that there is more to life, the universe, and everything than trying to keep this already failed relationship alive.

The niceties are only prolonging the agony.

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@audreym, I don’t know but it seems like he’s not telling you everything. I don’t get it either. People are very weird. I’ve always wondered if people come and go where is that magic place they go? It probably sucks! Now the shitty thing is that you still have those feelings and can’t move on with your life. You just have to with or without him, it won’t do anyone good if you’re not supporting each other, but the opposite right?

@tine, @piptherational, Look, I replied to someone without being an asshole. HE starts to suck a lot these days, it makes me a little sad.

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@beyond,

LIAR! your very words speak asshole!

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@piptherational,

|| Being mediocre and encompassing everybody’s ideas, without real results in your replies.||

funny, because it seems this was the end result of yours, well, more ironic, but still funny

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tine, Hey, at least I’m making an effort!

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@beyond,

true.. i mean, look at this, || I’ve always wondered if people come and go where is that magic place they go? || magic places? you’re promising this girl a magic place? asshole!

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@tine, … I said magic places don’t exist and people don’t just go somewhere that is really out of reach, unless they’re dead. But they do go into certain mind states of not letting anyone in.

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Tine (366) (@tine) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@beyond,

i am being 100% not serious with you

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Sam (10) (@Tall-Sam) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@audreym,

Ask yourself if this issue is the result of a difference in values or a miscommunication.

If you determine that the issue stems from a difference of values, I make the case “While it is very possible you love a person whose values conflict with your own, the relationship is unhealthy”

If you determine the issue is a failure to communicate properly, seek to really explain how you feel and why you believe what you do.

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Cody (472) (@versai) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@piptherational, For how deep you were trying to sound, that came off so shallow… I can say with certainty you have never been in love, or you’d show some humility in this situation. You need more help and advice than the OP, so get a grip.

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Anonymous (328) (@) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Holy shit, is this Yahoo answers? Wait no, is this the Youtube comment section?

@audreym, “plus the worse thing is that he wants to remain FRIENDS.”
“maybe he’s scared making a big commitment? because they all come and go. ”

I suggest not chasing after him. Be civil, cut off the communication for a while and see how it plays out. It would be best to move on, but don’t go out of your way to hate him.

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Ray Butler (1,423)M (@trek79) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@audreym, Relationships are probably the primary component in a Higher Existence.

Some people will have you believe they are irrelevant, but when it comes down to it, our own psychological balance and the way it causes us to behave towards others is the real issue of life.

We are all at different stages in our understanding, and that effects our balance, each stage in a variety of ways.

I am not an expert on relationships but yes he does not want commitment, I think he wants friends with benefits but still be able to branch out for new conquests, to have those benefits with as many women as he can get.

That is the truth of men in general, especially non HE types, but then HE types are better at explaining why open relationships are acceptable.

You have to know what you want first; women think they want a guy who loves them heaps but then find those type as weak and lacking masculinity.

When it comes down to it, just enjoy your time with someone, laugh and have fun, you will one day find that is all you can really expect.

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Stuckinthe90s (2) (@90sNostalgia) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

He’s a young man searching for himself. You can’t expect full-blown commitment from someone who’s a rolling stone and enjoys excitement at all times. It seems as though he gets bored easily with most thing, as most young people do. You’re both young. Live life. You should be out appreciating life as well not worried about a person who may not even matter next year. Enjoy your time with him as friends and if you can’t handle being his friend since you have feelings, sounds like you need to just stop speaking to him as a whole and meet new people because it simple isn’t worth the heartache. Namaste

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Filip (2,818)M (@filipek) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

Guys, please stop being such obnoxious fucking dickheads. If you are not interested in someone’s problems, get the fuck out of here, or shut the fuck up.

All off topic comments will be removed without warning from now on.

@audreym, Hard to say why he is acting how he is acting, but being friends after being in a relationship with each other is not something that works out quite often. At least, from my personal experience and the experiences around me.

If you feel you are not ready (yet) for staying friends with him, tell him honestly. Speak up about your feelings, do not be shy, and try not keeping false hope. If it is not working for you, you are not obliged in any way to stay friends with him. For whatever reasons it did not work out, is not important right now. You need to let him go and go on with your life. If you will keep clinging to what has been and/or what you hope for, you will not be able to get a grip on your life again. All good things come to an end, the sooner you realise that the easier it will be.

Good luck!

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DaFunks (366)M (@Dafunks) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

You cant measure love. Who knows if he loved/loves you as much as you love/d him? You will find someone else… He will also. I can see it from his point of view as commitment is scary and he will meet other people. Part of the reason for traveling is not committing to people.

Hope you get over this. Good luck :)

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 7 years, 10 months ago ago

@beyond, you warmed my heart!

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