Your deepest Insecurities?

mario (@mario82) 11 years, 1 month ago

I just want to say, briefly, that I’ve been reading the posts on this and other discussions and this forum just seems gentle and friendly and everyone seems quite mature and nice. Its weird to find a message board without an element of trolls and hating and crudeness. Its like a little sanctuary on the internet. Imagine a world where everybody was like this. People would be considerably happier- and more secure :-P

As for the topic of discussion, when I first read the question my reaction was that I can’t think of any. I’m quite confident really, looks-wise, intellectually, socially. I tend to think I’m quite good at things or could learn them. I was a shy kid and wasn’t very confident but I think I just became more confident as I grew up and developed. I know I have great parents. I’ll have to give it more thought. I suppose I have one or two sexual insecurities, and maybe there are some other things. Don’t get me wrong, I have problems. I think I could give anyone here a run for their money in the problems department lol (you have to be able to laugh) but I don’t think they’re very insecurity based.

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March 25, 2011 at 5:18 am
Chris (1) (@chris) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

just jumping in here,

deepest insecurity? I”m just really self-conscious about the things I say. If life’s a stage, I stumble over my lines far too often for my liking…

But I think we give our ideas of perfection far too much hype. There are neither disney princesses nor princes (that I’ve honestly seen in real life). Does our concept of perfection come from all this advertising? If so, why do the mass of peoples allow themselves to be told that they are not good enough unless we buy whatever those bastards are selling?

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mario (12) (@mario82) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Ashleigh, you are pretty, and not stuck up.

chris, if you mean like you overthink and then when your on the spot you get nervous and draw a blank. But You know the point you want to get across so just dont be nervous,and you dont have to say too much just get your point across say what you truly believe, and Dont ever give a fuck what anybody thinks.

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Kayleigh (1) (@kayleigh) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Biggest insecurity, hmm.

In all honesty? My own opinion and take on things. Like we’ve all had times where when talking to somebody, your voice gets shut down or undermined. I really hate when that happens and it makes me a nervous wreck. I have so much I’d like to say, but the idea of any confrontation with people that make me uncomfortable is just too much to bear.

I also don’t like the fact that I get attached easily, yet don’t let people get close to me. It’s like I’m always searching for some kind of love that I never let myself receive.. you know?

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Ben (231)M (@benjamin) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

The only kind of beard I can grow makes me look like a scumbag, haha. Other than that I live fairly insecurity-free.

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Chelsea (0) (@chelmander) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

@ ashleigh I find your enthusiasm charming and funny. In my life I’ve always found it hard to be passionate about anything and you seem to be overflowing with it. I would consider that a positive trait. I also agree that the female body rules. I don’t know if its because I have small boobs but I’m always checking out other girls’ chests, and the rest of them too for that matter. I’m married to a wonderful man, but if the right opportunity ever presented itself and he was cool with it I would definitely switch teams for a day. haha

As far as my insecurities go, I am an introspective person. I do a lot more thinking than speaking and a lot of the activities I prefer (drawing/painting, photography, video games, reading, ect) are mostly solitary, so when I’m meeting new people or hanging out with people I don’t know very well one on one I feel really awkward. I feel pressured to keep the conversation moving but I never know what to say so there ends up being a lot of dead air and I either come of as weird or stuck up. I really like people and I love learning about them and hearing their stories, I just feel uncomfortable talking about myself so when its my turn I tend to be kind of short and I can never think of what to say. I’d really like to move past it because I like making new friends, and once I get to know you I’m fine. I guess I need to work on being more charismatic.

also I don’t like my thighs. Typical girl insecurity, but still.

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Sarah Porter (6) (@srenaldo) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

This is unlike any open discussion that i have seen before! You all are so brave! So now that I have read all of your insecurities here are mine….

– I am terribly socially awkward in some situations, I can say quite a bit when I first meet someone but then I eventually feel that I have run out of things to say. My parents never let me go to school so I feel beyond uneducated and have a hard time keeping up in some conversations.

– My knees, (why I should be so concerned I don’t know) but they are darker than the rest of my legs.

– I have always had a hard time with appearance, I always thought that my face looked weird and I totally know what you mean Laura about the whole being thin thing! I am only 98 pounds. I have made myself sick trying to gain weight many times. I never wear short sleeves because I feel like I look anorexic.

– I also have major issues with abandonment. My parents didn’t care about me and every guy that I have been with has made all of this worse. The guy that I am currently seeing recently told me that he wanted to find someone who was prettier than me and made more money. This blew my mind, I am a decently pretty girl and I make about 18 dollars an hour when I do work. Pretty good for someone who has not graduated and is 25 in my opinion.

– I am always worried when it comes to kissing someone. I had a cavity that was filled and they did it wrong and a lot of the time when I kiss my guy it bleeds. He doesn’t know about my insecurities and so I often end up jumping up to do something else in the middle of kissing him.

You guys are an awesome bunch for being so understanding and open!

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Sarah Porter (6) (@srenaldo) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

This is unlike any open discussion that i have seen before! You all are so brave! So now that I have read all of your insecurities here are mine….

– I am terribly socially awkward in some situations, I can say quite a bit when I first meet someone but then I eventually feel that I have run out of things to say. My parents never let me go to school so I feel beyond uneducated and have a hard time keeping up in some conversations.

– My knees, (why I should be so concerned I don’t know) but they are darker than the rest of my legs.

– I have always had a hard time with appearance, I always thought that my face looked weird and I totally know what you mean Laura about the whole being thin thing! I am only 98 pounds. I have made myself sick trying to gain weight many times. I never wear short sleeves because I feel like I look anorexic.

– I also have major issues with abandonment. My parents didn’t care about me and every guy that I have been with has made all of this worse. The guy that I am currently seeing recently told me that he wanted to find someone who was prettier than me and made more money. This blew my mind, I am a decently pretty girl and I make about 18 dollars an hour when I do work. Pretty good for someone who has not graduated and is 25 in my opinion.

– I am always worried when it comes to kissing someone. I had a cavity that was filled and they did it wrong and a lot of the time when I kiss my guy it bleeds. He doesn’t know about my insecurities and so I often end up jumping up to do something else in the middle of kissing him.

-Also, I have rosacea and my face is constantly blotchy and red despite my efforts to heal it with useless creams.

You guys are an awesome bunch for being so understanding and open!

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Sarah Porter (6) (@srenaldo) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Hey Kayleigh, I completely agree with the whole thing about being cut off or interuppted. Its seems to happen to me often.

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Laura Messick (7) (@laurapleurodon) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Lol @ Ben. XD I don’t know if it’s just the way you worded that or what but it really amused me for some reason. Yes, I am quite easily amused. Congrats on not having insecurities, that must be really nice.

And haha Chelsea I can relate to pretty much everything you said, especially the boobs thing. I have the smallest pair out of everyone I know, even my friend’s younger sisters in middle school =| and ya I can’t help but check other girls.. Probably sounds creepy now after all that, buuuut you look super cute from your avatar picture, Chelsea. XD I just love that hat.

Sarah – WTF your ex sounds like a bigger asshole than mine. =| And a stupid asshole, at that. XD Or, wait.. you’re still seeing him? You crazy, girl! You deserve better than that. I would like to see a picture of you~ I bet you’re so pretty. And you probably don’t look anorexic. For years and years I thought I did because everyone always told me that, but now that I’m older and wiser and realize how dumb must people are, I know that’s not really true. Yes, I’m extremely thin, but anorexic people look unhealthy and I don’t look quite that bad, I guess. Out of curiosity, how tall are you?

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Zachary (0) (@redd45) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

My biggest insecurity is that I bite my fingers excessively, often until they bleed. It is very hard to deal with because it comes in spurts and because I have to hide my hands all the time.

I also have major privacy issues.

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mario (12) (@mario82) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

zach, i bite my toenails. What kind of privacy issues?? dump em out here, if you share them you feel better..

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Chris (1) (@chris) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

@mario, more like I can’t enunciate for shit. but your advise still applies :D

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iamjimmy (27) (@iamjimmy) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

i wish i had samooooth skin. but id settle for smooth as well.

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jorge (0) (@jorgev77) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

i am sometimes an asshole as a defense mechanism and that makes me be so lonely.

i fear rejection

i fear loneliness

yet, ever since i found out about this site i feel a lot better and have made some significant changes on those, i also have many other insecurities but not gonna list them all

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mario (12) (@mario82) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

hi jorge, i agree with you about the defense mechanisms making us lonely, and that this site helps people alot.

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Sarah Porter (6) (@srenaldo) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Sadly, I am still seeing this guy. We are not technically together bc after 7 months he says that he has issues with commitment (as in your cool but I am trying to find someone better). I decided this week that I should talk to him about it and possibly just end it. I havent been able to get a picture up yet because of technical errors but should be able to get one up soon. I am 5’2 and don’t look unhealthy but am still very thin. I always seem to run into really judgmental guys.

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Joe (3) (@phreqe) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Wow, lots of you stated almost what i have insecurities about. So here goes, my main greatest insecurity is my social inept and or lack of. I am really very shy around people when I first meet them, it takes a while for me to get comfortable to open up. This is really worst when I am attracted to someone of the opposite sex. Most confuse this for being stuck up or an ass, but once i am comfortable with said person I am really talkative, charming, witty and you would not think i have a social behavioral problem. This is a bit harder when I am attracted to someone, I tend to over think every detail from what to say to how to ask them out, that i wind up not saying anything or saying something absurd lol. I am also insecure about my weight gain when i went trough a nasty divorce a while back. I have lost most of it but the feeling of insecurity is still their. I am a hopeless romantic and really enjoy dating, I know that someone is out their for me, but i fear that my anti social behavior is going to do me in on finding that special some one I am so helplessly looking for. This is me and I accept who I am, I am trying to change this, but decades and decades of bad habits just don’t disappear.

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kiley (0) (@sublimelight) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

I have severe social anxiety/phobia. It is difficult to communicate with anybody, even family sometimes. Like joe above I’m very uncomfortable around people when I first meet them but unlike him I do not warm up to people, there is no change in my behavior. I avoid people; it became so unbearable I dropped out of high school. Because of all of this I am extremely lonely. I’m working on it, but it is very hard.
Also, my teeth are pretty fucked up. The two front ones turn inwards toward eachother making them very odd looking and causes odd speech.Im getting braces in a few months though!

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mario (12) (@mario82) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

most of you who answered seem like younger people. I wonder if the older ones didnt answer because they dont have insecurities and anxiety as much, or they are more affraid to discuss them? It looks like no one over 30 answered?what do you think about that?

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Anonymous (3) (@) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

First of all it’s really wonderful that this type of discussion started. I really admire the bravery of all of you guys in sharing your insecurities and I’m inspired to share mine too.

Thanks mario for starting this one, and about the people over 30.. I’m not so sure. It may just be because there is a large amount of young people on HE. I also tend to get the feeling that people over a certain age feel so set in their insecurities that it’s too late to change them and therefore why share them to have people see them?

Now for my insecurities. Well, it’s mostly an interpersonal fear. This fear that I’m so inferior to people. Other people can DO things better, look better, think clearer.. I’ve always had this feeling that I’m like a child and everyone around me thinks so too.. this is often because I may cower from certain social situations and then I’m pestered with thoughts.. the thoughts are the worst. but about the child thing. I often say or do stupid things which make me look juvenile. It feels like other people are more mature, more in tune with their lives and their desires, and I take one person who is very well beyond me in all of my goals and to me it’s like EVERYONE’s like that and I’m not. So silly but I’m easily discouraged by this. I feel like I can’t DO at times. Then i look back on who i am and what i have and feel so disgustingly ungrateful for it when I’m pestered with these types of thoughts.

I’ve improved and it seems the first step is to not listen to the thoughts. Because you know what, we’re not our thoughts. We’re the beautiful, infinitely capable and wonderful beings behind those thoughts and emotions and physical experiences and we often get so wound up in our troubles to forget this. I’m not able to do this so often, to live life with this realization, but when I do it truly is so beautiful. When I fail to do this it gives me yet another reason to be hard on myself, but we have to resist using all this potential that we have on things like this.

All of you guys are so wonderful and this scratches the surface of my insecurities but I just wanted to share what I could at the moment and it feels good to realize that I’m certainly not the only one.

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Anonymous (3) (@) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Oh and i ramble lots on HE. hehe. sorry guys.

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Joe (3) (@phreqe) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

I am in my 30’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Joe (3) (@phreqe) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

I am in my 30s and like Mario stated at this age bracket we are set in our insecurities so much we rather live with them then change. The thing that got me to working on a change is my divorce. If i want to meet someone again I going to have to change the way I am and face my fears. This is what I am doing atm, it working slowly but its better than standing still and doing nothing.

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Simone (1) (@thesim1derful) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

This a great thread; it’s very cathartic, I find.
Here it goes:

PHYSICAL:

I have really small boobs, and this is a huge insecurity for me when it comes to dating, etc. I mostly hide it, but it’s still there.

OTHER:

Like the thread originator, whenever I like a guy and begin to see them on a semi-serious basis, I focus excessively on their insecurities, and when my perfect of illusion of them I held previously is shattered, I am terrified and actively pull away. This has happened many times, and I honestly am not sure why. I’m sure it must be some sort of insecurity that I’m reflecting out on to them, I just have no idea what it is.

I am terrified that I’m actually, deep-down just not very intelligent or capable of learning. Intelligence has always been one of my greatest assets, and now I’m beginning to fear that I’m genuinely not very smart. It’s terrifying.

I’m really wiggy about sex in general; that’s not really a personal insecurity, I suppose, I just get so caught up in the awkwardness of the situation that I forget to enjoy myself.

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Laura Messick (7) (@laurapleurodon) 11 years, 1 month ago ago

Dominic – I feel like I relate sooo much to all you said. And I wanted to say that the last two paragraphs really hit me. I got chills lol. It frustrates me too that I KNOW that, but have such a hard time holding onto that realization and then fall back into negativity. =/ Hopefully one day we will all be able to finally embrace it and let go of all our ridiculous insecurities. =]

Simone – Agreed on the boob issue. -__- My last ex was the only guy I ever let see/touch me there. And now I look back and I’m like omg I can’t believe I let him lol.
Why are you beginning to feel like you’re not very smart? If you don’t mind talking about it.

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