I just want to say, briefly, that I’ve been reading the posts on this and other discussions and this forum just seems gentle and friendly and everyone seems quite mature and nice. Its weird to find a message board without an element of trolls and hating and crudeness. Its like a little sanctuary on the internet. Imagine a world where everybody was like this. People would be considerably happier- and more secure
As for the topic of discussion, when I first read the question my reaction was that I can’t think of any. I’m quite confident really, looks-wise, intellectually, socially. I tend to think I’m quite good at things or could learn them. I was a shy kid and wasn’t very confident but I think I just became more confident as I grew up and developed. I know I have great parents. I’ll have to give it more thought. I suppose I have one or two sexual insecurities, and maybe there are some other things. Don’t get me wrong, I have problems. I think I could give anyone here a run for their money in the problems department lol (you have to be able to laugh) but I don’t think they’re very insecurity based.
It’s truly amazing how similar some of our problems are, and really really helpful to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with them. It’s difficult at times to get away from negativity.
Some days are wonderful and others are just the worst feeling in the world :/ but today I see things a little clearer and to me it’s like I wish soo badly i could see things this clearly when i’m having a rough time! it’s just like you said how you KNOW. Things are getting better for me, gradually, and it’s always important to give yourself credit for any improvement, no matter how small right :) and even when we fall back on bad habits to forgive ourselves.
It’s tough, but hey we’re only human.
i’m almost 30 and i still have insecurities.their just bigger than when i was 20 :)
apart from getting older in a physical way ( my body acts like i’m getting 40 instead of 30…) my greatest insecuritie is, that i feel like i’m not able anymore to differentiate between my inner voice and inputs from a society i’ve never fitted in.
Laura- Well, I feel as if there are some concepts that are so out of my grasp that I would never have a hope of ever comprehending them. I’ve always prided myself on being quite intelligent and intuitive, but I find that I can rarely approach concepts with my own perspective on them; someone has to explain it to me first, if that makes sense. I feel like I can’t bring my own perspective to things because I’m not informed enough to evaluate them. And, oh god, the boob thing is still a huge issue. I pretty much actively close my eyes and try to blank my thoughts whenever anyone’s touching them.
Dominic-I totally agree. We have to give ourselves a little slack, or we’ll be drowning in a pool of our own believed failings.
I sometimes wonder if I have a mustache. Just because there’s hair there. And I hope no one else can see it.
I’m a girl in a society obsessed with weight. I have always been overweight. Enough said.
I worry that people think I am a girl who likes girls because at one point in my life, I did things because I wanted to be different. Sometimes I worry this is who I am because my high school cheerleader best friend used to make out with me. Sometimes I worry it’s because I don’t think I could ever attract the kind of man I’d want to be with. I really know it’s because I’m not attracted to men (but still…).
Instead of relating to others through my empathy, I tend to take on those worries for myself, becoming worked up and upset over feelings and events that don’t actually have anything to do with me. This makes me feel insecure about something that, in any other circumstance, would be a gift.
I am 23, and I think my social skills, ability to make light conversation, and general social confidence are all on the decline.
I worry I won’t find purpose or fulfillment in life, although this in itself has served as my purpose thus far.
What’s strange: I have no idea what negative outcome will transmute into reality if 1. others disapprove of me, or 2. I don’t find what I deem to be purpose or fulfillment in life. I suppose the act of disapproval or lack of purpose itself is what I’m afraid of, but there is no real or imagined outcome of this to make me feel scared. I just am.
@Simone, Laura; Just felt I should let you two know that most guys don’t care much about boob size. We’re not especially picky, trust. Some guys even prefer smaller boobs, so there’s literally no reason to get worked up about it.
@Dominic; I agree completely; it’s imperative that we credit ourselves for any progress we make in terms of personal betterment.
In terms of myself, I suffer from persistent anxiety issues. Working on it though, but these things take time. It can be difficult to change old habits and negative thinking patterns which have been slowly reinforced over the years. I also get pretty lonely sometimes, having too much time to yourself isn’t always that great. I prefer consistent social contact and value close relationships, when these are absent my mood can often be melancholy and pensive.
I am 30, and I still have some insecurities. I do believe, though, that maybe insecurities are a good thing – they help us to strive towards our own personal growth. I’ve been fully aware of my insecurities for the last five years, and being aware of them has helped me to change some things about myself. Granted, the insecurities are still there, just not as prevalent in my everyday life as they used to be.
I am, like most of you, socially awkward. Or, I just feel like I am. I’ve had people tell me that they would have never guessed how uncomfortable I was in a given situation, but that does not take away from the fact that I still felt awful. I was not raised in a healthy family, I was abused, was in a military family and we moved every 2-3 years, so I was always the new kids in school and, therefore, always picked on. I NEVER felt like I had a safe haven growing up. I always felt like there was something wrong with me, I could never be myself at home or at school. That carried over into adulthood. I’m extremely perceptive of the world around me, and of the energy around me, and if ANYTHING is off in any way, I can feel it. I can read people very easily, and I have to say, there are a lot of no-good people out there. And then when I know people are good, I don’t feel good enough for them. It’s a vicious cycle. I feel most comfortably socially around people who don’t know a whole lot about me, because I’ve carried a lot of shame throughout my life. I really am not meaning to sound negative, I just know how I got to be the way that I am socially, and I really want it to go away for good.
Another insecurity – posting this on the internet. I hope it’s safe!
I originally wasn’t going to post here, but then I saw Mario’s original post that said if I didn’t I would suck donkey balls, and well, that doesn’t seem plesant ;)
Physical insecurities: I think my nose is too small for my face and my teeth are too big for my mouth.
Emotional insecurities: I don’t actually have any real talents or passions. I’m okay at a lot of things, but not great at anything. I also tend to do the whole “push people away when I begin to feel too close to them” bit because I am afraid of people finding me mundane once they actually get to know me.
I am actually slightly kinda scared of the dark. More so my imagination then anything else. Whenever I see a scary movie, the images stick with me, and I always imagine things happening. Or monsters/scary things/ anything bursting out at me in the dark. I try my best not to let it affect me, and it doesn’t really, but the fear is still there. But it won’t be for long.
I am usually the quietest person in a room. I have no problem talking to people, I am just terrible at starting conversations. I really don’t get the whole “small talk” thing… if I have something to say, I’ll say it, but I’m not going to talk just for the sake of talking. I don’t know how other people perceive this, but I can imagine that it looks like I am quite anti-social.
At first I thought… Why are we listing negative things about ourselves (And why is this one of the most popular topics!?) BUT! .. I saw all the supportive responses and I suppose it is okay (even good) to talk about this stuff. I also wanted to add I am learning to get over my insecurities (by changing or loving them) For example changing my body and getting in shape.. And learning to love my hair. Personality wise, I feel I am too shy.. So I attempt to constantly push myself outside of my comfort zone (I mean that’s LIVING, right?)
Your post caught my eye for some reason so here are some reflections.
I wouldn’t worry about small breasts because you can still be really sexy and some men especially like them I believe.
If sex seems awkward then maybe you should just do it with somebody you’re really comfortable with- get to know a guy and trust him first. Also, do other stuff first so by the time you properly have sex, you’re already really comfortable with each other.
Regarding focusing on your partner’s insecurities until the illusion of perfection is shattered, I don’t know what the root of the problem is for you but here are some thoughts. I think you have to realise and remember that nobody is perfect, you can’t expect them to be. Its our imperfections that make us human. In the end you’ve got to be with a real flawed person like yourself and not just the idea of a person. Its part of really knowing somebody and being properly intimate. Plus you know what its like to build these things up in your mind and so how nice it is to tell somebody else it doesn’t matter or accept it. Its a wonderful thing to show them love like that.
Why would you doubt your intelligence?
sometimes my eyebrows but other times not. I just think well it could be worse than thick eyebrows. No matter what someone looks like everybody is beautiful, sometimes I just sit on the train or I’m in the city centre and I just sit and look at people passing, thinking how fascinatingly beautiful each person is and they don’t even realize it.
Hello – I just joined after a couple weeks of visiting this site, mainly because this thread inspired me to do so and throw my insecurities out there..
I don’t have many physical insecurities except I feel like my stomach is too fat and my nipples are too big. If you saw me walking down the street, you wouldn’t notice but it’s just something that has bugged me ever since I hit puberty. I also chew my fingernails and the skin around them so much that they will become raw. On an ‘anxious’ day my fingers can look pretty bad. I’m pretty sure I inherited it from my mom because she’s done it her entire life, too.
Mentally, I have always struggled with anxiety/depression and taking risks as my Mom would say. I have an extreme fear of the unknown and/or what people will think of me. I’m 17 and I’ve only had one serious relationship 2 years ago. It’s not that I think I’m unattractive or anything because I’ve had girls ask me out or at least hint that they like me.. but I tend to push them away. I’m always worried about not knowing what to say or how to make a good first impression. I tend to be shy when I’m first around anyone.. but once I break out of my shell I’m like a different person.
I’m sure I have many more that I just can’t think of off the top of my head. Thank you Mario for creating this thread.. it feels good to get that shit off my chest :).
Excellent topic, I’m impressed at everyone’s ability to share so openly. I’ve been mostly lurking the past few weeks and it’s nice to see that the internet can be a welcoming haven through mutual support and respect.
My physical insecurities….hmm…. Well my complexion is very light and I’ve always wanted to be darker. My metabolism is ridiculous and I find it hard to gain weight. I feel very nervous about being nude around women; I’ve only tried a few random hookups and they were unpleasant because I usually find it very hard to lose myself in the moment like I should. I have some degree of performance anxiety I suppose.
I’m a psychology major and studying about mental disorders and the like sometimes freaks me out and makes me overly analytical about myself. I’ve had some degree of a self-esteem issue for a long time and I’m not quite sure why. Sometimes I have a lot of confidence and it throws me off when I don’t and can’t quite get around to manifesting it even though I’m aware of the need. Sometimes at bars I’ll startle myself with how at ease I am among people, buzzing around cracking jokes, having endless amounts of things to say and loving every second of it. I wish that alcohol didn’t play such a role in that for me and I’m afraid of that sometimes. Anyway, to comment on some of what are recurrent insecurities throughout the thread…
Women are wonderfully built regardless of their boob size; it’s really all about how it works with you and your ability to own your body and enjoy what you have. I’ve been attracted to some very thin girls that have little definition and I’ve also been into some extremely curvy women. I love that there is a variety out there :D
– I feel like my butt has a disproportionate amount of fat from the rest of my body.
– I wish I were a bit more tall.
– My mood swings greatly and I often become furious or violent over small stuff.
– My social and personal selves are quite split, makes me a socially awkward person – but I think I’m getting better.
– My ego is that of 10 men it seems. I hate my ego. It won’t go away. (Can anyone help me with this?)
– I am not genuinely empathetic toward people 97% of the time, I can only pretend most of the time.
– I have a hard time focusing my thoughts and coming to conclusions about myself. I tried meditating a few times but cannot achieve the state. My mind is cloudy, even stormy sometimes.
It is refreshing and hugely comforting to follow this thread.
Funny how I spend so much time worrying my boobs are too big while other women worry theirs are too small. I worry my empathy gets in the way while others wish for more. We find solace in the fact that so many of us worry about our social skills.
I feel less insecure simply by virtue of being reminded that EVERYONE is.
I haven’t had a girlfriend in a number of years now, and it is not for a lack of trying. I can’t help but feel somehow undesirable even though I have experienced the opposite sex during this period of time. I very much enjoy licentiousness but I am also a romantic, the two forces battle each other regularly.
I seem to be more interested in younger girls at the moment and I can’t work out if this is to compensate for an unfulfilled youth or it is because they haven’t yet become as cynical as me. I am attracted to enthusiasm and they have it in abundance.
I am hugely concerned with image, too much. I weigh on what people think of my appearance far too much, I am generally happy with who I am and I know for certain that I am a person the vast majority of people will like. The problem is I fear no-one will see it through my exterior. I’m working on it.
Physically, I do not like the size of my nose. Apart from that I am generally happy with my body and I realise that is fortunate.
I often feel I won’t be taken seriously and that can infuriate me and negate the effectiveness of what I have to say.
Someone said something about teeth, I hate mine and I hate anyone looking at them.
@Dan – I find your insecurities really odd but interesting. Many of us here seem to be very opposite from you. But I think the type of person attracted to this thread tends to have some part of themselves be rather passive, sensitive, and most of all, empathetic. I don’t think we’re prone to get angry at small things or tend to have huge egos. Many of us struggle with focus, though.
Something I am curious about is why you feel insecure about your ego and lack of empathy. I don’t mean to be rude, but those seem to be traits of characteristically cold people, people who wouldn’t give a damn about such. The fact that you view these as things to be fixed shows a degree humility and yes, empathy. Toward yourself. I think all of us here love ourselves and that’s why we’re here. To become better people and learn ways to do that. I just woke up lol so if I am categorizing things wrong, tell me.
I just kind of want to poke you with a stick and see what happens. I don’t understand you and I want to.
-If you can relate to someone else’s problem Here
-You should tell them How You Feel
-You should tell them What You Think!…
They way I found this place was I asked the computer does existance requires us not to be tottaly alone. and the first thing i saw here was jordans article the oxymoron of social interaction. i hate reading but i been forcin myself to read jordans articles and that has helped me get to this point right now my personality never had much depth , but i was holdin it all back as a defense like all of you, but its a false defense..go out in the world and free people you barely know and everyone with this shit. And, I think I’m Insane so you dont have too..
-How did you all end up here.. look on your browsers history, and try to remember what brought You here and share it..