Your deepest Insecurities?

mario (@mario82) 11 years, 6 months ago

I just want to say, briefly, that I’ve been reading the posts on this and other discussions and this forum just seems gentle and friendly and everyone seems quite mature and nice. Its weird to find a message board without an element of trolls and hating and crudeness. Its like a little sanctuary on the internet. Imagine a world where everybody was like this. People would be considerably happier- and more secure :-P

As for the topic of discussion, when I first read the question my reaction was that I can’t think of any. I’m quite confident really, looks-wise, intellectually, socially. I tend to think I’m quite good at things or could learn them. I was a shy kid and wasn’t very confident but I think I just became more confident as I grew up and developed. I know I have great parents. I’ll have to give it more thought. I suppose I have one or two sexual insecurities, and maybe there are some other things. Don’t get me wrong, I have problems. I think I could give anyone here a run for their money in the problems department lol (you have to be able to laugh) but I don’t think they’re very insecurity based.

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March 25, 2011 at 5:18 am
Moni (8) (@moni) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

Wow, this is a great topic. Thanks for starting it. I can relate to so many of you!!!

-Most of my adult life I’ve been overweight. I’ve finally managed to lose most of it last year but now I’m terrified about gaining weight. I feel guilty every time I eat something or have a beer or two. I still have a wee bit of a belly and I think it’s the most hideous thing ever!
-I guess the low self-esteem comes from my BPD (borderline personality disorder). Nothing I ever do is good enough for me. I often feel like I could never amount to anything.
-I constantly feel great emptiness within me but I don’t know how to fill it or what to fill it with.
-I’m terrified of butterflies and moths (I know most of you will laugh it :))
-I feel awkward around people.
-I have may scars on my wrists and I hate when people notice them and ask me why or how. I just want to tell them to sod off!!!

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

I wonder what Dr. Gregory House might think about this thread. It’s hilarious. No offense. Ok, just a little.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

Sasho, Jason Mraz sucks.
My insecurity is that I’ll waste a good portion of my life worrying instead of living… and that I will focus so much on making sure this doesn’t happen, that it will be a self fulfilling prophecy.

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Chris (74) (@comicsanmc) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

You already have worried a good portion of your life worrying Ellie, then you starting worrying about your worrying.

Now your worrying that worrying about worrying will mean your still worrying.

….Which you are.

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

Right now your misspelling of “your” is worrying me a great deal!

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

@Ellie Gorillaz suck. And if you try to focus so much on petty things like you do now, you’ll continue to delude yourself. But you can keep repeating the same things over and over again to try to convince yourself. If you keep tapping yourself on the back, you’ll be the only one impressed with yourself. :)))))))))))

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

That made no sense. Congrats.

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Chris (74) (@comicsanmc) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

^agreed. Also Gorillaz are the dag dog diggitiest.

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

You really lack some senses then. And are you serious ? Their last album sounded like they were making it while unconscious. Or on some new hallucinogen. I guess you’ll like it if you’re a junkie or really fucked up in the head. My head started literally to hurt. The lack of taste should be also a big insecurity for you. :))))))

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Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

I am definitely insecure about that now… and I am actually unconscious, on a new hallucinogen, a junkie, AND really fucked up in the head. Wow you’re very pseudo-insightful… Thank you Dr. Sasho.

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

I was talking about the band, but nice self-esteem @Ellie.

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vishnu (1,235) (@vizznou) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

— that no one will ever know who i am, that even as they, my parents, my family, my wife(in the future), are getting to know me and we get close, i will do something that’ll disappoint them majorly, and i’ll drift away from them. Because it has happened before.
— i live in constant subconscious fear that i will lose the happiness i feel this moment at anytime in the future.
— since i dont have a job right now, and i am a lazy bum, the person i would get married to will be more responsible, and taking care of the family better than me, and that’ll make me feel completely worthless. Pretty much like the Blue Valentine(movie) character.
— that i would never be able to truly love anyone as much as my first love – and we broke up 5 years back. ! do you think you can ever do that?
— generally insecure about my future – where my life will take me…

thankfully i love my body, from my fingernails to my flab… seems a lot of ppl have probs with that.

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Joris (3) (@joris) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

-acne
-shoulder blades stick out (training them back in place though)
-suck at meeting new people
-big forehead

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daveb (119) (@daveb) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

Mine used to be meeting new people, but I got over that. Joris, you just have to practice! People who quickly reject you aren’t worth your time anyway, they are doing you a favor :-)

Now, the ladies think I’m hitting on them. it’s not really an insecurity as much as it’s annoying, I’m looking to make new friends. Cliche as it sounds, girls only flirt with me when I make a point of showing my wedding ring or am with my son, otherwise I get the “buzz off, creep” look. I didn’t believe that cliche was real, until I moved and started trying to make new friends.

The moral? My best friends are lebsians!

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daveb (119) (@daveb) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

Vishnu, you’ve posted some good stuff here so I will take the liberty of challenging you a bit:

These two statements:

I live in constant subconscious fear that i will lose the happiness i feel this moment at anytime in the future.

generally insecure about my future – where my life will take me…

Lead me to believe that the “happiness you feel this moment” is an illusion. It’s not true happiness, you’re just saying “I’m happy”. it’s as if your current happiness only works when you ignore certain large aspects of your life (like your future). I am not going to make a bunch of assumptions about you, but does that make sense? True happiness isn’t something that can vanish instantly. It’s not a function of your current state, it’s deeper than that.

Another way of saying it is, what do you mean by “the happiness you feel this moment?” What is the basis of that happiness?

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vishnu (1,235) (@vizznou) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

thanks daveb, for reaching out – that’s really a wake up call

its true to the bone that i am ignoring and running from my future. i never knew those points were connected. i am 21, and now that college is over, the next thing is to get a job, but for a few months now, ive just been sitting at home. i have worked at different places, mainly an event management company for 2 months, and with a TV crew for a month, hated both though i am interested in that sorta stuff.
right now im just chillin at home (as you can see). the reason i think i’m happy is because i am snug in my comfort zone without worrying about my future, though its staring blank at me.
rright now im like fuck!
thanks again. the only one who can help me is myself, i guess.

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Anonymous (8) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

I got better with a lot of insecurities I once had. When I was a teenager I was a chubby jokester awkward around many cool among the rest. I did most leave those feelings behind, I use to never want to swim with the skinny kids and take my shirt off never wanted to be alone one on one with someone I didn’t really know, ect. Those are mostly just attitudes that hold you back.

Right now my biggest insecurities would be:

– When my friends all talk about girls they have sex with, I’ve never been comfortable talking about that stuff in a bragging way.

– Holding eye contact, might sound funny. But I can hold a conversation and do reasonably well and have meaningful conversation. But with a lot of people I can only glance at their eyes for a few moments then the voice in my head is like (look away!) Though I always call myself out on it and laugh about it and it doesn’t effect my social skill that badly it’s just annoying at times.

– My body too I guess. Though I use to be much bigger and I’m not shy like I use to be, I guess just cause I still want to be in more shape, not sure.

– then the last one is the one I dread. I think to much, but only sometimes. I fill my head with hopes and hallucinate my vision of how I want my life to play out, only to eventually float back down to reality and feel like I’m in a funk about where I am

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Anonymous (11) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

@kirk, I can really relate to that last one. lets get shit done

I’m a high functioning schizophrenic experiencing mostly positive symptoms and I can’t help but feel a little removed from my peers. I have a hard time not making assumptions about what people are thinking and I fear that I sometimes infer too many implications from our conversations. I try to be very observant but sometimes I miss the obvious because I’m too concentrated on the semantics. I’m slightly concerned that I’m going to alter my perceptions to the extent that I no longer relate to my friends and family; I’m pretty sure everybody already thinks I’m a little crazy.

I can’t dance and beautiful girls sometimes make me nervous.

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Frontier Psychiatrist (29) (@pseudojudo) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

For the type of personality I have, it is rather bizarre that I don’t have many friends, or rather more than a few meaningful relationships with people other than my family.

Let me explain. I am outgoing, approachable, enjoy people’s company, and can effortlessly carry on a conversation . I regularly surprise people with my generosity, intellect, and humor, and strive to get to know people and help with whatever I can. But I rarely feel like people go out of their way to try and get to know me, and thus my friend count is still pretty low here at age 21, and I don’t know whether it has to do with my inability to stay in touch with people, or people just not finding it worthwhile to keep tabs on me. It’s possible that I’m not as interesting as I think I am, or that my relatively average appearance is not very memorable, but I would think those are not complete deal breakers in social settings. But this is my greatest insecurity, and the single greatest source of disdain in my otherwise enjoyable life.

Feels good to disclose.

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praneeth de silva (0) (@desilvap) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

glad everyone got a buzz of this….

i guess what people can start thinking is how many common dysfunctions (at least we think we do) we share. I know this gave me a bit of peace.

good luck in all your journeys.

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EEL (5,364) (@mindlessfreak30) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

As I guy I would say my biggest insecurity would have to be my chest hair/abdominal hair its not crazy like sasquatch but it doesn’t help my confidence level. I think it manly bugs me because of the era were in now where all these models and people in the media are hairless so this is the new social norm for men where as in the 70’s I think I wouldn’t have a problem with it. This has affected me negatively because I’m not as confident with women as I was when I was younger.

Personally I find it hard to have conversations with people initially because I’m shy and I usually stumble on words or find it hard to keep a conversation going when its someone new.

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Anonymous (0) (@) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

My deepest insecurity is literally my insecurity. This may seem redundant, but problems like this usually aren’t rational. When I am insecure (which is not as often now thanks to years of ingraining an apathetic social outlook), it is usually just a fear of people seeing my insecurity. In other words, I create the insecurity through fearing it.

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

^This^

I can’t imagine anything worse.

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amber (0) (@ciaraadub) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

My insecurities…
Last year this time I was a size 4, now I’m a size 7.So my weight, I had a 2nd child, and my “girls” aren’t so perky, I want them to PEP UP! I think I’m with Mario, my insecurity is love. My best guy friend and I got engaged after 7 years of knowing each other, then out of no where, he started getting SUPER jealous, which lead me to believe, “the first to accuse, is the one doing”. We called it off, we are still “best friends” but we no longer tell each other our deepest darkest issues anymore.
My very first love (my son’s father) passed in a car accident 6 weeks ago, and that was the end all be all to his and I’s, what was left of our relationship. Most of my friends are guys, I have 3 friend girls…I was raised by my dad and brother so maybe I’m not as “feminine” as guys like? I dunno I’m scared I lost my shot at love, and my best friend! I’m scared I can NEVER finish what I start! There ya go!

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 10 years, 8 months ago ago

@Matt Of course there are names for them. Read through a book on psychological pathologies, you will find yourself, your friends, your family, your coworkers, everyone you know, and everyone in the world. According to modern psychology, everything is a pathology, and nobody has a healthy mind.

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